FROM COAST TO COAST TO GIVE UP THE GHOST

POW WOW ISLAMABAD! By George I've Got It!

OMG, someone said Indian and my first thought was Middle Eastern, not Native American. That is the first time I have ever correctly associated the word with the right people right off the bat

Discipline

You know, people are really sleeping on Janet’s Discipline. I only skip two songs on the whole CD, which is great for today’s music. Come Back To Me is the ultimate Janet song.

MJ AIR

I watched some “new” out take footage from THIS IS IT on David G’s Myspace. Not all of it was new. The coolest new thing was the MJ AIR plane. The new stuff could be on the DVD, but I have yet to get up the nerve to watch it; Still in the wrapper in the Best Buy bag with the receipt. He made me smile. I felt really blessed, then sad. I need to feign strength.

Quote of the Week:

I Am The Damned
I Am The Dead
I Am The Agony Inside
The Dying Head
This Is Injustice
Woe Unto Thee
I Pray This Punishment
Would Have Mercy On Me

~ Michael Jackson's "Who Is It"

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there lived a girl and all she really wanted in the whole wide world…was to be loved.

Who exactly is the King of LBC

Who exactly is the King of LBC and why is he always handicappedly parked on the meters on Temple? One would think that a King would have to be strong, able bodied, and a force to be reckoned with. In his current state his court and subjects have ample space and opportunity to overtake the throne, accuse the King of treason, and behead him at the stern of the Queen Mary.

That California ideal of beauty is a hard beast to ignore

It takes hearing the issues of others to truly out your own mess into perspective. Some ladies admitted to having eating disorders in the past. Wow! Like, any body issues I have never/will never keep me from eating or purposely throwing up. I really wonder what is going on in your head to make you stick your finger down your throat. I have prayer slots open for them all. I weigh more than all of them. I think it’s a cultural thing. The vast majority of black women are not going to deprive themselves of good because they aren’t at their ideal body weight. It’s just so sad. That California ideal of beauty is a hard beast to ignore; Eats women alive here.

Why do black men (rappers from the 90’s in particular) always convert to Islam?

Why do black men (rappers from the 90’s in particular) always convert to Islam? Like, what are they preaching? From the outside looking in it doesn’t look so liberating for women. I respect it, but I don’t get it. I’d fate someone who is Muslim, but I wouldn’t want them pressuring me to convert.

There are too many black singy dudes out these days. Usher, Mario, Trey Songz, Neyo, Chris Brown, and there’s probably 4 more, but they suck too much for me to be aware of them. I’m not sure if Drake is a singer or a rapper.

There’s an empty nervous feeling in my heart. The feeling we are apart.

I had a dream

7-21-10

I had a dream that I was in a musical and I was the lead. I was also doing a great job. I also dreamed about something else slightly no as good, but delighting.

This white lady just got on the bus looking like Teena Marie circa 1985. I think it’s the reddish-blonde hair color.

I’m tired of my commute.

This Commercial Makes Me Feel All Weirded Out

I'm kinda down, but not for long... And why is Killa free and Lindsey Lohan in jail?

I just really wish that I had more money. I hate being dependent on others and now I feel like I am not wanted. I never understood the reason behind keeping things mum and the one person I did tell apparently blabbed to whomever they didn’t want to know. I don’t foresee this being a fun time. I kinda want this to be over with already.

Now how the fuck did Lindsey Lohan get jail time and she didn’t even kill anybody??? The California justice system is a mothafuckin joke! How in the hell is killa free and she is in jail? Weird how this time I want the black man in jail and the white chick set free. All depends on the offense.

OMG Becky! This song was about sex!

OMG, Becky! A colleague and I just realized what It Feels Good by Tony Toni Tone meant. It’s About Sex!!!! We were kids straight singing the words to this song. Umh umh umh!

An Ode to Usher

7-20-10

You know, until I watched Usher’s Behind the Music last night I had forgot why I liked him so much 12 years ago. I felt that electricity, the butterflies, that giddy ass 16 year old me again. I also never stopped to take in how much of a success he is. Once I heard the numbers I was like DAMN! I also think I had a yummy dream about him. I wonder why I stopped being a fanatic. Maybe I kinda got a life. And I was totally unaware of his dad, the fact that he and Chili went way back and that defense rant on TRL. If he came in concert and I had the money I would go because I can actually sing along, as opposed to my interest in seeing Trey Songz. I don’t know not one of his songs so going to see him because he is cute sounds damn stupid at the age of 28.

I had a 3 hour commute to work this morning. Grrr! This LA traffic and damn you clumsy big rig driver!

Man, in retrospect, Usher was selling sex to me and I was 13!!! OMG, I cannot be a parent. The world is so scary. Had my little mind wondering about explicit yumminess.

Ooh I'm Just Happy Daphne Maxwell-Reid has taken my job."

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Quote of the Week: If you want me to kiss your ass then you have to put it in my contract." Janet Hubert

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The Pussy Cat Dolls is some thieving ass hoes- or at least their management is

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Neyo and Aunt Esther

7-16-10

Drove to work this morning and I must say I am so glad I did. Man, I was jammin down the 5. Neyo was on Big Boy’s Neighborhood and has such a pleasant singing voice. They played some Stomp the Chump game where he had to sing random songs they played. Of course they played a lot of Mike. That so tired of love songs song goes…Calendar that’s marked July 16th. TODAY IS JULY 16TH! Money by The Ojay’s hit so hard. I even heard Wait a Minute and How Many Licks.

7-19-10


There’s a lady who rides the bus with me who wears church suits and her hair is flipped like Cane’s grandma’s hair, but to the 10th power. She looks like Aunt Esther.

Man, I cringe to even listen to Saturday’s voice lesson. I cannot live the life of a Rock star. I have got to figure out this emotion thing

John Oliver and South Africa's Amazing Racists

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Oliver - World Cup 2010: Into Africa - The Amazing Racists
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

THIS WOULD BE THE BEST COMIC PAIRING OF THE PAST 2 CENTURIES!

If they did a stand up special it would be heart convulsion inducing. The laughter would be off the charts. I miss ya'll. Please tour soon.

Regina Belle- So Many Tears

So Many Tears by Regina Belle has been playing in my head today. "And I don't even pray anymore at night cause I don't think that anyone hears."

Today is the day is the day

On hold with Kaiser Permanente and the on hold music is After The Love Is Gone by Earth, Wind, and Fire.

I would rather have muisc than food. If I lost a sense I'd rather it be sight so that I could still hear music.

Today July 12th

7-12-10

Last night was hands down one of the worst nights of sleep I have ever had. I don’t think I even nodded til after 3am. Saw 2 whole episodes of Roseanne, 1 episode of Hot in Cleveland, and some of Home Improvement.

The more I look at Trey Songz the more weird stuff I see. Like he has mini eyebrows above his eyebrows and the tips of his nostrils look like Calvin’s from the PJ’s. That hook, stick out thing.

The beat boxed melody to Who Is It has been in my head for like 2 days.

I wish my MP3 player allowed me to give songs more than a 5 star rating. That Damn The Beautiful Ones by Prince!

Hey You by Floetry feels like

7-9-10
Hey You by Floetry feels like an overcast rainy day in London or New York. There’s a brisk chill in the air on an early October day. As I look out the window of my apartment; three stories over the corner store below, I breath warmth onto the window. It’s frigid surface. I look at the slow traffic of a dismal midday. People on foot are walking slowly. Letting the water ruin their shoes. Everything is in black and white. I feel alone. Lonely. Dusty from a lack of love. I look out, over the rooftops. Above. And hope that my complimentary spirit and soul is out there looking for me through the rain too.

Trey Songz done made me tear up

7-8-10

Trey Songz done made me tear up. He said something like the measure of a man is by the lives he affects. I LOVE YOU MICHAEL, SO MUCH. YOU HAVE AFFECTED SO MANY LIVES IN SUCH POSITIVE WAY YOU ARE UNMEASURABLE.

It’s been a week. I guess it gets easier. I'm behind the camera again.

7-2-10

It’s been a week. I guess it gets easier. But the pain never goes away.

Today I was behind the a camera for the first time in over 4 years. It felt really good. I hope to do it again some time soon. I’d really love to be more confident in my skill level and compete with all the white dudes. I was the only female on the production crew. Girl Power! I enjoyed the energy of the holistic, green, vegan people.

I feel really low

6-28-10

I feel really low; down. Like I’m drowning or stuck in some mud. And I don’t want to be at work. I don’t want to be at home either. There’s no one safe place for me on this Earth. I’m defeated. I might as well be paper floating in the wind.

Larry King’s Mike Special

6-27-10

For some reason I feel compelled to watch some of Larry King’s Mike Special. I wonder what this next week will be like.

I Cried about 5 times total in the past 24 hours

6-26-10
I decided not to avoid playing Mike all weekend. They played I’ve Been A Fool on KJLH. I started feeling sad. I tried suppressing the tears. I’ve been whimpering and looking for a BOA I ended up in Encino on Hayvenhurst. Didn’t look like nobody was outside the house. What luck? Not really luck. I didn’t even think I’d be over here today. I finally broke down crying. Once when I laid down to go to sleep (my optimum think too much time) and again while driving on the 405. You know what’s hurtful; None of my immediate family reached out to me yesterday. I got more love and concern from friend and sorors than the people I live with. Sad. Living here this way has lead me to believe that whatever happiness I am to get out of life is to stem from my relationships with people outside of my family.

I kinda hate I even bought that gift. When I was in Encino I accidentally found Jerry’s Deli that TMZ saw Ron Jeremy and Chandler from friends at. I now know where Stevie’s is at too. Cried about 5 times total in the past 24 hours (sigh).

June 25th, 2010...the Countdown to Paying my Respects to Michael at Forest Lawn

6-25-2010

Forgot yesterday. I saw a man jogging in his boxer briefs. That is dedication! I forgot my shorts…well I’ma jog in my drawers.

I have the bestest cousin ever. Thanks for checking on me. I’m glad I’m at the window today. It’s keeping my mind engaged therefore I wont have time to think about today. I did tear up when the lady asked if I needed a card for the flowers I bought. I answered no. There is no one to read a card. Then people at work saw the flowers and were like Ooh you got flowers! I just had to dryly answer no…I bought them for someone. I have one co-worker who has been diminutively supportive and I am thankful.

It’s 3:56pm and I’m nervous. Hard to hold back the tears.

So I went alone. I could have parked way closer. There was a mini mountain to walk up. I felt like I was on the verge of having an asthma attack. Three was about 100 people there. I saw a lady and her son from last year’s valley TTW practices. A black lady talked to me. That was nice of her. There were so many flowers. Lots of banners representing people’s countries. Apparently they released the doves some time today. I probably could have drove in there. People were up there parked in cars. Even saw one charter bus full of people. I didn’t cry. I teared up, but didn’t let a tear fall. Security had to place your flowers and stuff for you. For the most part they were nice. I bet they got a nice work out today doing that thousands of times. We could only sit flowers around the back at the door that said Holly Terrace. These girls were boo hooing and I was on the verge of crying. I hate to see others cry. I thank God for Darren. I really don’t know where I would be without him.

I saw people graves who were born during slavery; Died in the 1950’s. There was one impersonator there. I feel it’s disrespectful at the cemetery. Leave that for an entertaining occasion. Another wacker looking one was outside the gates. When I walked up that mountain alone it felt really symbolic. Big and meaningful. Like it meant something for me to do it alone. KJLH is playing all Mike today.

Didn’t know Prince was gonna be the big award getting person at the BET awards. Soooo… the party was wack. It started off alright. They didn’t play ALL Mike. They had This Is It on loop. The dudes there were wack. There was bad ventilation. Some of the chicks in there looked so young. Did they just turn 21 yesterday? My feet started hurting and I was hot so I sat down…I was down for over an hour. Even after the DJ got back to playing Mike I was still so over the event. Glad I didn’t pay a cover. This [arty lacked the awesome energy and positivity the MJ v. Prince Party had. STONE THE DJ!!!!! This dude can’t mix Mike to maximum Mikeness. How he go from Workin’ Day and Night to Beat It?????? A better song would have been the PYT remix or Off The Wall. The way he stacks the songs is not cohesive. It seems really random. One mood doesn’t get slowly transitioned to the other and when he did play a good song (I.E. Luchini) he stopped it after 1 hook then played something else then went back to it. I found myself just sitting and watching THIS IS IT or playing Diner Dash. Or just sitting and vibin’, but I didn’t feel compelled to dance. I won’t be going back to that event and if I do somehow find myself back there I am not dressing up I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

That DJ didn’t play Shakeabadadown or DSTYGE or BAD. He didn’t play anything obscure, no B sides or nothing! He was incapable of making us feel the spirit; The Magic.

But the best thing about the party is that the DJ played Freaks of the Industry so I got to do our PB Stroll al by myself, but I was so excited.