There’s an empty nervous feeling in my heart. The feeling we are apart.

I had a dream

7-21-10

I had a dream that I was in a musical and I was the lead. I was also doing a great job. I also dreamed about something else slightly no as good, but delighting.

This white lady just got on the bus looking like Teena Marie circa 1985. I think it’s the reddish-blonde hair color.

I’m tired of my commute.

This Commercial Makes Me Feel All Weirded Out

I'm kinda down, but not for long... And why is Killa free and Lindsey Lohan in jail?

I just really wish that I had more money. I hate being dependent on others and now I feel like I am not wanted. I never understood the reason behind keeping things mum and the one person I did tell apparently blabbed to whomever they didn’t want to know. I don’t foresee this being a fun time. I kinda want this to be over with already.

Now how the fuck did Lindsey Lohan get jail time and she didn’t even kill anybody??? The California justice system is a mothafuckin joke! How in the hell is killa free and she is in jail? Weird how this time I want the black man in jail and the white chick set free. All depends on the offense.

OMG Becky! This song was about sex!

OMG, Becky! A colleague and I just realized what It Feels Good by Tony Toni Tone meant. It’s About Sex!!!! We were kids straight singing the words to this song. Umh umh umh!

An Ode to Usher

7-20-10

You know, until I watched Usher’s Behind the Music last night I had forgot why I liked him so much 12 years ago. I felt that electricity, the butterflies, that giddy ass 16 year old me again. I also never stopped to take in how much of a success he is. Once I heard the numbers I was like DAMN! I also think I had a yummy dream about him. I wonder why I stopped being a fanatic. Maybe I kinda got a life. And I was totally unaware of his dad, the fact that he and Chili went way back and that defense rant on TRL. If he came in concert and I had the money I would go because I can actually sing along, as opposed to my interest in seeing Trey Songz. I don’t know not one of his songs so going to see him because he is cute sounds damn stupid at the age of 28.

I had a 3 hour commute to work this morning. Grrr! This LA traffic and damn you clumsy big rig driver!

Man, in retrospect, Usher was selling sex to me and I was 13!!! OMG, I cannot be a parent. The world is so scary. Had my little mind wondering about explicit yumminess.

Ooh I'm Just Happy Daphne Maxwell-Reid has taken my job."

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Quote of the Week: If you want me to kiss your ass then you have to put it in my contract." Janet Hubert

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The Pussy Cat Dolls is some thieving ass hoes- or at least their management is

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Neyo and Aunt Esther

7-16-10

Drove to work this morning and I must say I am so glad I did. Man, I was jammin down the 5. Neyo was on Big Boy’s Neighborhood and has such a pleasant singing voice. They played some Stomp the Chump game where he had to sing random songs they played. Of course they played a lot of Mike. That so tired of love songs song goes…Calendar that’s marked July 16th. TODAY IS JULY 16TH! Money by The Ojay’s hit so hard. I even heard Wait a Minute and How Many Licks.

7-19-10


There’s a lady who rides the bus with me who wears church suits and her hair is flipped like Cane’s grandma’s hair, but to the 10th power. She looks like Aunt Esther.

Man, I cringe to even listen to Saturday’s voice lesson. I cannot live the life of a Rock star. I have got to figure out this emotion thing

John Oliver and South Africa's Amazing Racists

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Oliver - World Cup 2010: Into Africa - The Amazing Racists
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

THIS WOULD BE THE BEST COMIC PAIRING OF THE PAST 2 CENTURIES!

If they did a stand up special it would be heart convulsion inducing. The laughter would be off the charts. I miss ya'll. Please tour soon.

Regina Belle- So Many Tears

So Many Tears by Regina Belle has been playing in my head today. "And I don't even pray anymore at night cause I don't think that anyone hears."

Today is the day is the day

On hold with Kaiser Permanente and the on hold music is After The Love Is Gone by Earth, Wind, and Fire.

I would rather have muisc than food. If I lost a sense I'd rather it be sight so that I could still hear music.

Today July 12th

7-12-10

Last night was hands down one of the worst nights of sleep I have ever had. I don’t think I even nodded til after 3am. Saw 2 whole episodes of Roseanne, 1 episode of Hot in Cleveland, and some of Home Improvement.

The more I look at Trey Songz the more weird stuff I see. Like he has mini eyebrows above his eyebrows and the tips of his nostrils look like Calvin’s from the PJ’s. That hook, stick out thing.

The beat boxed melody to Who Is It has been in my head for like 2 days.

I wish my MP3 player allowed me to give songs more than a 5 star rating. That Damn The Beautiful Ones by Prince!

Hey You by Floetry feels like

7-9-10
Hey You by Floetry feels like an overcast rainy day in London or New York. There’s a brisk chill in the air on an early October day. As I look out the window of my apartment; three stories over the corner store below, I breath warmth onto the window. It’s frigid surface. I look at the slow traffic of a dismal midday. People on foot are walking slowly. Letting the water ruin their shoes. Everything is in black and white. I feel alone. Lonely. Dusty from a lack of love. I look out, over the rooftops. Above. And hope that my complimentary spirit and soul is out there looking for me through the rain too.

Trey Songz done made me tear up

7-8-10

Trey Songz done made me tear up. He said something like the measure of a man is by the lives he affects. I LOVE YOU MICHAEL, SO MUCH. YOU HAVE AFFECTED SO MANY LIVES IN SUCH POSITIVE WAY YOU ARE UNMEASURABLE.

It’s been a week. I guess it gets easier. I'm behind the camera again.

7-2-10

It’s been a week. I guess it gets easier. But the pain never goes away.

Today I was behind the a camera for the first time in over 4 years. It felt really good. I hope to do it again some time soon. I’d really love to be more confident in my skill level and compete with all the white dudes. I was the only female on the production crew. Girl Power! I enjoyed the energy of the holistic, green, vegan people.

I feel really low

6-28-10

I feel really low; down. Like I’m drowning or stuck in some mud. And I don’t want to be at work. I don’t want to be at home either. There’s no one safe place for me on this Earth. I’m defeated. I might as well be paper floating in the wind.

Larry King’s Mike Special

6-27-10

For some reason I feel compelled to watch some of Larry King’s Mike Special. I wonder what this next week will be like.

I Cried about 5 times total in the past 24 hours

6-26-10
I decided not to avoid playing Mike all weekend. They played I’ve Been A Fool on KJLH. I started feeling sad. I tried suppressing the tears. I’ve been whimpering and looking for a BOA I ended up in Encino on Hayvenhurst. Didn’t look like nobody was outside the house. What luck? Not really luck. I didn’t even think I’d be over here today. I finally broke down crying. Once when I laid down to go to sleep (my optimum think too much time) and again while driving on the 405. You know what’s hurtful; None of my immediate family reached out to me yesterday. I got more love and concern from friend and sorors than the people I live with. Sad. Living here this way has lead me to believe that whatever happiness I am to get out of life is to stem from my relationships with people outside of my family.

I kinda hate I even bought that gift. When I was in Encino I accidentally found Jerry’s Deli that TMZ saw Ron Jeremy and Chandler from friends at. I now know where Stevie’s is at too. Cried about 5 times total in the past 24 hours (sigh).

June 25th, 2010...the Countdown to Paying my Respects to Michael at Forest Lawn

6-25-2010

Forgot yesterday. I saw a man jogging in his boxer briefs. That is dedication! I forgot my shorts…well I’ma jog in my drawers.

I have the bestest cousin ever. Thanks for checking on me. I’m glad I’m at the window today. It’s keeping my mind engaged therefore I wont have time to think about today. I did tear up when the lady asked if I needed a card for the flowers I bought. I answered no. There is no one to read a card. Then people at work saw the flowers and were like Ooh you got flowers! I just had to dryly answer no…I bought them for someone. I have one co-worker who has been diminutively supportive and I am thankful.

It’s 3:56pm and I’m nervous. Hard to hold back the tears.

So I went alone. I could have parked way closer. There was a mini mountain to walk up. I felt like I was on the verge of having an asthma attack. Three was about 100 people there. I saw a lady and her son from last year’s valley TTW practices. A black lady talked to me. That was nice of her. There were so many flowers. Lots of banners representing people’s countries. Apparently they released the doves some time today. I probably could have drove in there. People were up there parked in cars. Even saw one charter bus full of people. I didn’t cry. I teared up, but didn’t let a tear fall. Security had to place your flowers and stuff for you. For the most part they were nice. I bet they got a nice work out today doing that thousands of times. We could only sit flowers around the back at the door that said Holly Terrace. These girls were boo hooing and I was on the verge of crying. I hate to see others cry. I thank God for Darren. I really don’t know where I would be without him.

I saw people graves who were born during slavery; Died in the 1950’s. There was one impersonator there. I feel it’s disrespectful at the cemetery. Leave that for an entertaining occasion. Another wacker looking one was outside the gates. When I walked up that mountain alone it felt really symbolic. Big and meaningful. Like it meant something for me to do it alone. KJLH is playing all Mike today.

Didn’t know Prince was gonna be the big award getting person at the BET awards. Soooo… the party was wack. It started off alright. They didn’t play ALL Mike. They had This Is It on loop. The dudes there were wack. There was bad ventilation. Some of the chicks in there looked so young. Did they just turn 21 yesterday? My feet started hurting and I was hot so I sat down…I was down for over an hour. Even after the DJ got back to playing Mike I was still so over the event. Glad I didn’t pay a cover. This [arty lacked the awesome energy and positivity the MJ v. Prince Party had. STONE THE DJ!!!!! This dude can’t mix Mike to maximum Mikeness. How he go from Workin’ Day and Night to Beat It?????? A better song would have been the PYT remix or Off The Wall. The way he stacks the songs is not cohesive. It seems really random. One mood doesn’t get slowly transitioned to the other and when he did play a good song (I.E. Luchini) he stopped it after 1 hook then played something else then went back to it. I found myself just sitting and watching THIS IS IT or playing Diner Dash. Or just sitting and vibin’, but I didn’t feel compelled to dance. I won’t be going back to that event and if I do somehow find myself back there I am not dressing up I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

That DJ didn’t play Shakeabadadown or DSTYGE or BAD. He didn’t play anything obscure, no B sides or nothing! He was incapable of making us feel the spirit; The Magic.

But the best thing about the party is that the DJ played Freaks of the Industry so I got to do our PB Stroll al by myself, but I was so excited.

The anniversary of the worst day of my life. I think my own death will be less painful and easier to accept. I love you Michael, always.

Quote of the day: FIFA World Cup 2010

Quote of the day:

“What’s more African than subjugating black people.”
~John Oliver (The Daily Show Correspondent) re: FIFA World Cup in South Africa

Ron Artest

6-24-10

I have been recently thinking that Ron Artest isn’t all that ugly looking. I think I know what it is now; His eyes. They have a certain brightness and he has a nice smile. Maybe he has a really cool spirit. I get a good vibe from him.

Why are people always talking about shit then saying “hide my identity ..." -mildew and dirty mop water

6-23-10

Why are people always talking about shit then saying “hide my identity cause I’m not authorized to speak publicly.” Well shut the fuck up then! Maybe they are getting paid to give details because otherwise I don’t see the point.

Cried this morning. Life sucks (eyes closed tight and fingers plugging my ears) This is not real. This is not real. This is not real. I don’t want to go to the cemetery alone, but I have to go.

How does your body smell like mildew and dirty mop water?

It’s weird. I some how feel compelled, drawn to go to a place that I know will make me sad. Here the radio goes again. Playing a bunch of Mike again. NOT GOOD!

“It ain’t for everybody.”
~Jay-Z in Hollywood

I feel deflated, life would be 65-70% over by now, and $150 fuckin dollars?

6-22-10

People who like what they do are totally blessed. Please don’t take it for granted. I feel deflated today.

I often say that I should have been born in 1961 instead of 1981 because I love all things 70’s. But if that were the case my life would be 65-70% over by now. Well, ain’t no telling my life ain’t 97% over as I type this.

I cannot wait for the next Stevie Wonder party. It felt so good.

Trying really hard to zone out today.

Has there ever been a man so loved?

Dude, so this Katherine approved fan event costs $150. WTF, it’s a recession. $150 to stay in LA? This ain’t even a destination trip. And really, the Chi-Lites (no disrespect and Genevieve Jackson (and you are...???) like what is the attraction to pay $150 for an event that lasts a couple of hours and see obscure people.

I wanna look up more information, but I’m scared. I wanna go, but I’m scared too. I don’t wanna do it alone.

Sigh… lights out. I now fade to black.

6-20-10

I was flipping through the channels (as usual) and saw a familiar image so I went back. It turned out to be that Jackson movie and it was the dude who played Mike with a real something Mike really wore outfit. Well all I saw was fro and a white button down shirt, but it’s just like the photo on the cover of that Best of Michael Jackson LP from like the mid 70’s. I don’t know if I’m gonna do so well this week. I won’t be able to avoid the media like I did last year. Whoever thought that being too broke to have the cable and internet turned back on would be a benefit to my mental and emotional health. Anyway, I hope that the cemetery will be open on Friday because I will most definitely go. Just wish I could find someone to go with.

On the way back home from Coldstone last night 102.3 played State of Shock. I had never heard that on the radio before. I bumped it too. I can now add that song to my list of Mike songs I can still listen to and be happy. Speaking of Coldstone; I got some more tonight. I think I am becoming an emotional eater out of renewed grief. I am hoping to go out Friday night to just be around people and be lifted in a positive, loving environment.

Sigh… lights out. I now fade to black.

Eyes

he has such beautiful eyes. I can get lost in them forever. They make me anxious. Like they see through to my soul and can read my mind. It's like I can't hide. I tend to fidget and turn my head when he looks at me.

Today's Special: Meatloaf

I am really starting to miss it. Taste, touch, smell. The presence. Savor it for when you don’t have it a day seems like a life time.

I am tempted to buy some of Sananda’s CD’s in MP3 form from his website. That damn euro/dollar conversion. That CD gonna be $20 US. But I really feel the need to fellowship with I’m. I think music is my significant other.

Whatever happened to Rose Jackson? OMG, she hasn’t worked in 10 years. Last thing she did was in 2000 according to IMDB.

Monica (noun): the definition of me

Monica (noun)-Name for a strong, highly intelligent and witty woman who has indescribable yet magnetic sex appeal. Often appears bookish, hides an intensity that once displayed, draws you like a moth to the flame. Loyal and trustworthy friend. Most frequently has hypnotic eyes and a great smile that is used to laugh at life.

A Beautiful Mind

I find myself wanting to touch you. Engage you in conversations that make my mind race. I find myself looking into your eyes and breathing in every word you say. Something inside me makes me touch you; if only the touch of the hand. A pat on the shoulder. I daydream. Of you interaction. Soft and firm. An embrace. A caress. So simple. So sweet. I imagine us under the influence and more free to say. To be. Who we are and what we feel. I feel your fingers on the small of my back. I feel your hear beat encounter with mine. The torturous, wonderful sensation of being in love with someone’s mind.

I like the way Prince’s music makes me feel. Especially the darker more out there stuff. Primal.

Beautiful Monster

I am feeling that Beautiful Monster song by Neyo, but I know it’s because it is very very Mike inspired. Eve down to the Ah’s after phrases. Killa is going to have a hearing at the criminal courts building today. I hope, wish, and pray him death in the most torturous way; to his body and soul.

Hollywood Forever Cemetery and Left Over Prince Residue

Went to see Beetle Juice at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. It was hella chill. We were way closer to the graves than I expected. But I guess I need to face the fact that death is inevitable and deal with it. The crowd is very hippie-ish. You can bring food and DRANK and be merry. A lot of the graves had black marble tombstones with pictures of the deceased etched into them. Eerie with lots of Russian looking writing. DJ Carlos Nino was off the chain. He played a lot of psychedelic 60’s music and now I have a name to that drum playing from the They Don’t Really Care About Us video…Brazilian Batucada. And when you hear it outside of that context it is so freakin sweet and infectious. Really tryin to get t Brazil for the 2016 Olympics now. He even played Darling Nikki. Ahhhhhhh! I was in the zone…maybe a little Prince residue left over from Friday night. I will definitely go again when there’s a movie playing that I want to see.

MJ V Prince Party at the Echoplex

6-12-10

Last night was super fun. It was so beautiful to see all of the people freely dancing. The Echoplex is a nice venue. Not Hollywood pretentious. I was so hot. I hadn’t sweated that hard since undergrad parties in the student union. I got a T-Shirt made of Young Mike. Saw what looked like a drug deal in the works… Until we hit the corner. The dude then turned away from the person who was sitting on the ground and looked suspicious; all silent w/ his hand sin his pocket. The person looked like a homeless crack head.

Patronized a taco truck. Wasn’t bad.

-BACK TO THE ECHOPLEX-
The DJ started Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough and played the beginning part like 5 times. He’d let it build to OOOHH and then restart it with “you know I was wondering if you could keep on” and Man we lost out minds each time he did it, It felt damn near spiritual. He also played Tell Me I’m Not Dreaming and Jump by Kriss Kross. It was damn near 1:30am when I said “Hey, they haven’t played Dancing Machine and as soon as I finished my statement they played it. To Top It Off they played my best remixes version of SHAKEABADADOWN. I did the little finger pointing choreography. It was awesome! I need to feel that happy and free again really soon.

If you don't know...

If you don’t know about my love for Michael then you don’t know me at all. Because to love him is to be myself. I can’t not love him God ordained me to do so. It is my nature. It is a part of my destiny.

I am listening to the Good Times. First time in like forever. It fell on my mind last night. Going to an MJ v. Prince party tonight. I hope its fun.

6-11-10 Damn BP

Oh my lord. Watching the news and the Mayor of Grand Isle, LA pleaded with the government or some entity for help for his town. He said he has had to feed some of his residents at his home because the oil has killed their livelihoods/income. This is so bad, damn BP!

Daily MJ News

Keep reading in my daily MJ news via yahoo emails that they are supposed to open up Forest Lawn on the 25th for fans to pay their respects. Been reading that Randy was working on that and Humphrey Bogart or some old ass white dead actor’s family was hating like the little bitches they are trying to complain and block the allowance.
To quote Samuel L. Jackson on Coming to America “Fuck You!”

6-10-10 Stuff

Why the old red head white lady jump me in line this morning? We were about walking neck and neck to the bus stop, but I pulled ahead. I got to the line (we were coming from the same direction) and turned around to face front…she just stepped right into the space between me and the man in front of me. I was the third person in line so NOW being 4th wasn’t going to kill me. HOW RUDE (in Stephanie Tanner voice).

I feel so weird leaving the house for work with just my purse. Why is one black lady with the Coretta hair always the very last person to get on the bus? And I mean she just barely be making it everyday.

Oh hell naw. On August 11th Steve Stevens is going to be at Pechanga with Billy Idol. OMG Lauryn Hill’s gonna be at Rock The Bells

Have you ever been attracted to someone’s mind? I am. They could possibly have a sleaze factor though.

Ooh another thing from the Diana Ross concert last night…during one of the fast songs the guitarist played Billie Jean.

American Apparel Ad-Caliente!

DAAAMMMNNNNNNN! Either this pic is lesbian inducing or im going out to buy blue see through drawers. This is the current american apparel ad on the back of the la weekly

And some more stuff about the concert...

I like her live version of I Will Survive better than any time Gloria Gaynor has ever sang it. She announced she has a grandbaby and that is what she didn't tour last year. Don't know if it's the first or just a new one.I now like the It's My House and I Live Here song. Love Child hits hard. She needs to add Muscles. Maybe that is a bit too sexual for her in her geriatric age. She made jokes about how two of the horn players were too young for her when she was introducing them. I do get that grandma vibe from her. She told the audience to sit down now and I kinda felt like...yes ma'am.

Shakeabadadown and Miss Diana Ross the Mothafuckin Goddamn Boss!

6-9-10

Today has been a blessing. I watched Shakeabadadown videos on YouTube and didn’t cry. I had an upset coworker who sings Shakeabadadown because of my influence so I decided to show her some videos to cheer her up. It felt so good. God is Awesome! Like, I forgot how great I felt when watching him before. I’m so glad she was upset or I wouldn’t have watched them. I was just singing and dancing in my seat with 89% abandonment.

I really need to go out and drank and bounce up on some fine ass men to get my mind right. I am really into escapism lately. Tryin' to find that altered state where shit ain’t so heavy.

I have another colleague who is singing Shakeabadadown and even decided to start watching MJ videos. I have really enjoyed spreading the love today. MJTTDIDAB


Ok, Miss Diana Ross the Mothafuckin Goddamn Boss! (it was that tight I had to cuss 2 times in a row to illustrate the magnitude of the tightness) Man, that lady is so baaadddddd! You know she came up out of the stage with that hair and a big lime green dress on. Sang some songs. Sounding Good, Looking Good. Then she took the lime green thing off and had on a black/silver sequined dress. Then we had a wardrobe change into red sequin. The red cover up got taken off to show a red dress. Then we had a wardrobe change to blue sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into a pink poofy frilly cute ass number. Then we had a wardrobe change into GOLD sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into an off white champagne sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into a white silvery sequin.

She sounded just as good as when I saw her 2 years ago at the Gibson. The audience was hella hype. It was nice to see all kinds of people, all different ages. I love seeing beautiful things like that…another reason I am glad I live in LA. Just so cute. PowerPoint’s are in these days. She had a lot of kewl beauty shot/video footage going. And shit was just sparking and shining and there were flowers and all kinds of eye candy going on. I got choked up at the beginning of the show because I knew the inevitable was coming. She sang some song about yesteryear or something and had a slideshow of Motown artists and I knew his picture was coming. And as I expected I cried later on in the night. Worked really hard to keep the tears from falling, but to no avail. At the end she said a few words and then sang I’m Missing You and said he children were in the audience in which people got all antsy in their seats like they wanted the children’s autographs. Leave the damn children alone. She then sang You Are Not Alone. So sweet. There were 3 pictures that they showed. Photo from the BAD photo shoot. Photo from what looked like it could have been The Chase commercial and then one of their photos together from that early 80’s photo shoot in black and white. I know I was just saying how awesome God is but I also question how could there be and who pissed it off if something, someone so everything to me could be taken away. Me and God got a relationship like that. If I can’t question it mind to mind then who. Today has been an emotional day. One of ups and downs and all for the same reason…LOVE.

This may become my mantra:
I love you more than all of the words I have ever spoken and wrote and all of the actions I have ever taken can show

Headline of the morning:

6-7-10

Headline of the morning: AV Section 8 Hotspot: More than 1 in 40 AV homes are section 8

VH1 Hip Hop Honors:Hey, I’m from the south MY ASS IS REAL AND IT JIGGLES

Why is Luke’s mouth crooked? He have a stroke? Or he got that Bobby Brown cocaine twisted mouth?

Why is Kid Rock so cool? Like, he is alright with me. Ain’t he hosting some CMT country awards shit too? Why Trick head so big and his body so scrawny? Them dancers don’t dance hard. They should have got somebody out the audience to WRECK Doo Doo Brown! Who are those white guys? Seriously, where they get these white people from? Like, white people don’t equate to dirty south rap. Po Pimp! Representin’ Aliceville, Alabama on this one! The magical summer of 1995. WTF, Drake, yo gay ass wtf you even doing there? Nigga you from Canada?! He does sound better rapping that singing. Puffy is a bitch. Jonah Hill? Forreal? WTF, Viacom!

Man, I wish Da Brat would come out on Ooh I Think They Like Me…. Damn I can see the whole stage bouncing on this one. Camera bouncing too. Couldn’t Kriss Kross have sang Jump? Welcome to (everywhere) was a pretty good song.

Awww shit, can’t wait for P to come out. Damn shame that a Master P song is considered classic and real music. Never thought this would be so 15 years ago.

This Lottery Ticket movie is another Friday, but I will be tryin to see it.
Clearly I ain’t seent Lil Romeo in about 6 years. Damn. Why he got no shirt on and a scully? You is not bout it bout it! Damn, I feel old. This shit came out when I was in middle school. Damn Silkk Da Shocker looks the same. He was kinda cute. I used to wish I was Mya in that video. That’s all Trina gonna say? I would think Cash Money would be in on this…wouldn’t you? Like they can’t have more than 1 New Orleans camp? Wait, so P came out and the song ended… And why is Brandy and Ray J there. Guess they are deciding to claim Mississippi.

I agree T.I… live your talk and walk and shit. Black people from California need to take note. No matter how hood you are…you are a man or woman of your word. Your word actually means something. Is that Swizz Beats? Bone Crusher? Somebody told me he was on a can last week. I SEE THAT LITTLE HAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Is Nelson George’s mouth crooked too? Andre where are you? You so beautiful.
Timbaland got a sinus infection? I didn’t know Timbaland did Make Me Better. I love that damn song. “Stick with yo entrée and get over your side.” Who is Freestyle Steve? Keri Hilson is cute, giving Ciara competition in the physique dept, but she sounds horrible. Awww, Missy. My 2nd favorite female MC.

David Banner is so smart. Kelly looks like a flight attendant or a black Daphne from Scooby Doo. Chamillionaire looks like piglet from pooh. Ok, the me so horny 1st verse is all over the place. That Asian looking one has a malady of some sort. Yea, Kiss dey ass Tea Party Members!

Damn that talking dude from Organized Noize has beautiful skin. Sleepy Brown nails is black???? Can they sink up with the damn music? Wait, let me throw up my L. Get it Nelly and Murphy Lee! Get it Kujoe! Fake leg n all! Sleepy Brown bothers me. Even his little jump and cross the legs thing is weird. Who is that white guy? He ain’t Eminem!!!!! I like his black socks though.

Whose son is that up there DJing with Khaled…looking like Theo Huxtable. Once again, who are those white guys?

I’m So Hood is the jam. WTF is Maybach Music? That’s stupid. Ya’ll from Miami…why ya’ll got on furs?

Hey, I’m from the south MY ASS IS REAL AND IT JIGGLES!

Deep Shit of the weekend

June 6th

Had an interview for an internship and the lady who interviewed me said (these aren’t her exact words) that everyone thinks of suicide at some point and time in their life, but what we must examine is what is the turning point; what factor makes some people go through with it and others not. Deep shit!

More shit from June 4th

I really don’t think I can express how I feel adequately. Like, I really can’t make you feel me. I am just not with it today.

A colleague was right. I have been melodramatic lately. When I feel like singing I feel a connection, a burning fire from within that spews forth emotion and the essence of my soul.

This ink pen is writing rather smoothly. Kewl baby name for a boy-Fyr.

Today on this 1st day of June in the year of our lord 2010

Today on this 1st day of June in the year of our lord 2010 I declare that I will watch less TV this summer (til Jersey Shore comes on) and spend more time writing songs, poems, and stories, and learning some language on Rosetta Stone.

Jill Scott and Maxwell and My Karaoke like Debut to win Diana Ross tickets!

The concert was awesome! Jill slayed me. But I think we were too far up and couldn't hear well. The acoustics weren't all that good up where w were. If I didn't know the songs I would have been lost. When she talked I could only make out some words. I love her so much! Maxwell was alright. i think he is better in a smaller venue. Same acoustics issues, but things just seemed less effective in the staples center. He and fortunate and I was so happy about that. I think it just sucked that they shared the bill so they couldn't give full shows. I've seen both on their own and they just got to sing way more. Maxwell is sexy, me seeing him tonight made his face less offensive. I will lick the sweat off that scar on his forehead and go ahhh(thirst quenching sound). On our way out of the staples center we were talking about the Diana Ross concert coming up and a soror saw 92.3 out there and they said something about singing to win tickets to the show. She suggested I go and do it and I did and I WON! I sang Upside Down and My Old Piano. I went up against 4 other people. Me and a Gay dude were the first up there to sing. Then two other chicks came and another dude. Gay dude was not all that good, but he was so nice. I went 2nd.Then the chick from up north and thought aww damn I'm gonna loose. She sang Touch Me In The Morning. I don't know what everybody else sang. The guys were knocked out of the keke Sheppard style audience vote. Then it was me and the chick from up north. I sang My Old Piano...obscure Nile Rogers produced song and she sang Reach Out and Touch Somebody's Hand. And in the audience vote I won. I think singing upbeat songs saved me. Chick from Up North was good. I know no one knew My Old Piano, but that was the only Diana song I could remember a verse to on the spot. I thought of Muscles, but I was not in the mode to deliver such a sexual song. I can't believe Mike wrote that sexual song. Anyway, I am so proud of my self. I got up and sang in public and got compliments on my voice. My voice lessons and support of a key few individuals is going a long way to aid me in my happiness.

I love you more than all of the words I have ever spoken and wrote and all of the actions I have ever taken can show

What I learned today: Guess I gotta give credit to Marvin Gaye

What I learned today on my own. I got that good ear- Re Got to Give It Up Part 2 by Marvin Gaye ‘The chant "Let's dance/let's shout/get funky what it's all about!" appearing in the latter part of the original track, was also
appropriated for the chorus of The Jacksons' 1979 hit "Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground)”.’

Now my favorite Jacksons/Michael Jackson song doesn't feel as sweet and complete. But I still love it with all my heart.

Stuff that fell on my mind in the past 24 hrs

June 3-4th
I’m fallin’ apart. Possible arthritis and a bunion. My left big toe is 58 years old.

Prince, you move me and don't move me. I just watched Under The Cherry Moon and I am confused, surprised and a lot of stuff in between.

Feels that Sister Act 2 is one of the best movies ever made and if you disagree with me you are going to hell.

Hairsisters can kiss my ass!

What's up with all of these brain hemorrages?!
Oh Aunt Fran died from choking on a toothpick in the bathroom of the Bigger Jigger,

Eureka Moment of the week:

Eureka Moment of the week:
The Black folks term Triflent/Tryflin
Possible real word:
Main Entry: trifling
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: insignificant, worthless
Synonyms: banal, dinky, empty, forget it, frivolous, hollow, idle, idling, inane, inconsequential, inconsiderable, insipid, jejune, loitering, measly, minuscule, negligible, niggling, no big deal, no big thing, nugatory, paltry, petty, picayune, piddling, puny, shallow, silly, slight, small, tiny, trivial, unimportant, vain, valueless, vapid

May 31st-I kinda want this to be over with already. Just take me so I can stop suffering. The life of the grief stricken.

5-31-2010

Yesterday after the UCLA Jazz Reggae Fest we ended up walking past the Ronald Regan UCLA Hospital. That was a place I never wanted to find. Q-Tip has a song with a killer Dancing Machine sample. He had the crowd yelling Michael. Everyone got excited for me, except me. Living sucks this way. People are always inadvertently reminding me that half of my heart is dead. I’m glad I could obscure my face behind my big red hat. Went to a hooka bar and they played like 4-5 Mike songs. Felt weird to sin in his musical presence. I had a break down in the car on my way home last night. Yea, I still cry. Then I recently found out that June 25th falls on a Friday. I am afraid to go to work because I don’t think I will be able to hold it together because everyone will be talking about it. I kinda want this to be over with already. Just take me so I can stop suffering. The life of the grief stricken.

May 19th- Black Men Today

May 19 2010
Yea, Black man in the blue pin stripes suit and black fedora turned my head. Takes a real man of character to wear a hat to conduct business. Too bad he was old enough to be my daddy.

This man is barefoot on the bus. He took off his shoes. You nasty repetitive trifling action performing bastard!

I Hate My Life

just thought I'd let you know that.

I have a problem

I need to convert some of my flv file mike videos into a mp4 format, but am not ready to look at my videos. I just get nervous. I start to tear up and I end up getting a nervous tick because I am fighting so hard not to cry.

The middle child: That's Me

The middle child: has less of a clear-cut role in the family; instead, they often make a place for themselves outside the family, creating a network of close friends, venturing away from the family physically, and breaking the mold intellectually as well.

Quote of my life: 1981-

"What one wishes is to be touched by truth and to be able to interpret that truth so that one may use what one is feeling and experiencing, be it despair or joy, in a way that will add meaning to one's life and will hopefully touch others as well."
~Michael Jackson

Something horrible has happened 5-11-10

Something horrible has happened. A man sat with me on the bus this morning. I hate him. I hate men who come and sit all gap legged. Fuck you and your balls! He got his fat ass arm touching mine. I can’t even write this down without touching his arm. Pasty faced bastard, I am filled with such an unwarranted hatred sometimes. I am just not happy in the morning. Now I might not be able to take my morning nap because this dude has brought my bus comfort level down to orange. It has colors like the terror alert system.

Today was a pretty decent day. Kicked it with the colleagues, bought some clothes, watched lost. Good times. Good times.

Why Mickey Rooney is pretty fly for an old white guy

Mickey Rooney. I totally agree. You are pretty fly for an old white guy. Music does suck today and the artists (if you can call them that) lack in substance.

You ever have something to say, but when it comes time to chronicle it you draw a blank. Maybe it was about Saturday. They no have Mike impersonators on Hollywood Blvd and the Incredible Hulk is just a fat white dude with his body painted green with torn up clothes on. Why was Batman just standing there kind of staring off into space with his Bat Mask off?!! Batman never takes his disguise off in public. He doesn’t take the duty of batman seriously.

Now all the major players in the movie version of The Wiz have passed, except Diana Ross. Guess she’s the Otis Williams of that movie.

Why...

did I see Tyrese on George Lopez and he looks real swole at the face. Like he been eating hams. It was an old episode because they were talking about Teddy Pendergrass. And what season was it. This dude had on a quadruple breasted butterfly collared coat. He ain't cute unless he's emaciated.

I don't feel important. I don't ask for much from people, but I'd appreciate your time and your opinion ever so often.

Cargate

Cargate is stressing me out. She does not want to accelerate from a stopped position. I couldn’t take my normal mooring bus nap. I finally fell asleep when we go on the 5 and when I woke up that All Cry At The Sam Time song was in my head. I wonder if I dreamed about him.

National Don’t Match Day and being Disappointed

4-27-10

Today was National Don’t Match Day.

I think maybe I make things out to be more than they are. I live in the past. Or maybe my expectations of people are too high. I expect them to be as thoughtful as I am. Maybe they can’t make time in their lives. I view it as some special thing. Something that made me a better person. Maybe we aren’t as close as I thought. Something biblical says do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, but I don’t get reciprocity. I’m tired of making the effort and no one reciprocates. Maybe its time to do what they’ve done and move on with my life. Thoroughly disappointed. Wow.

California Adventure

4-26-10

Yesterday was aight. California Adventure kinda sucks. It’s just not as magical. The atmosphere and feeling make up 90% of the experience. Tower of Terror and Soarin Over California was cool. We did the Monsters Inc. ride and it was awesome to be in the room with all of the doors. That cartoon was s o good. We did the animation workshop, but we had to draw Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas. Mine was horrible. The little 8yr old girl in front of me did better.

I saw Sulley from Monsters Inc., but he stopped taking pics as soon as I got in line. I didn’t really want to take a picture with anybody else so no character pictures for me.

My imaginary rapper name is Lil Prada Oopsie Doo

For ya’ll that don’t know. My imaginary rapper name is Lil Prada Oopsie Doo. Check out my rhymes.

Kidding Like Jason
Tigga Like the basement
Dunkin like Jordan
Jheri like curls
Lo like Flo-rida
Potato like Or Ida
Black like a skillet
Murda like OJ Simpson
Tom like Broccoli
Bald like Barkley
Sweet like potato
Hatas be real fake-oh

Hot Lusty Story Coming Up

I think I may take a stab at writing a lusty very short story called The Lusty Colleague Conundrum.

This Past Weekend

4-19-2010

On Friday 16th-I went to a restaurant and every other song was Mike. Dirty Diana, Leave Me Alone, Smooth Criminal.

On Saturday 17th-I was happy. Truly happy. I think I tend to be happy when I have a full day of activities. At my voice lesson. My instructor suggested I do a Mike ballad. I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet. I gave an impromptu TTW lesson as Sistas n Salsa. Death At A Funeral was funny. “Norman, why you grinning like Louie Armstrong?”
~Chris Rock’

Went to a party at the LA Athletic Club. Nice Atmosphere Lots of old ass men. One dude looked like a Mississippi Steamboat Barbershop Quartet singing Captain. With that straw hat on! Another dude had a grey or platinum blonde facial hair. Once chick was dancing like she was on Soul Train or a former MC Hammer dancer. Another chick had on a dress the length of booty shorts. BUT there was an opening in the front from the breasts to the stomach and she had a distended starving African belly. Coup De Gras- the bald dude with the fanny pack who couldn’t dance, but was dancing his ass off. We had a dance battle. It was a tie. I even got to drop it like its hot cause they played Back That Ass up. I loved the music. But my feet are stressed. Ooh, and I bought these cute Purple Prince boots for $9.99 at Charlotte Russe. Yay for extremely happy day #2 of 2010.

It's Smothering Me

4-16-2010

Man, Push Me Away is in my head. I feel a smothering angst. I want to act it out.

OMG

4-15-2010

There goes my baby makes me perform it. I can’t just sing. I have to perform the song. The passion on this one is…it feels like a warm liquid running down your body from head to toe. More like an oil. This song reminds of that moment on the BAD Tour on I’ll Be There/She’s Out Of My Life when Mike makes that face and holds on to his belt like it hurts, but maybe it feels good.

That new urban mystic sound sounds like Joe.

Quote of the day:4-14-10

4-14-10
Quote of the day:
“I said I sucked his dick the night before last.”
~Vida on Belly

Quote of the day: 4-12

Quote of the day:
“I don’t know karate, but I know karazor.
~James Brown

Mike Music Listeningship and things I would drink Michael Jai White's bath water out of

4-12-10
Heard It Through The Grapevine hits hard as hell. Like, seriously. When it comes on you can just feel the groove. You gotta walk a little differently when it’s on.

I am also making progress in my Mike Music Listeningship. I was bumpin the Solvang CD and I can now add BillieShake, Pride & Joy, and Get It Together to my list of songs I can jam out to and not cry. And so the list is:
1. Shakeabadadown
2. Bad (extended)
3. Pride & Joy
4. Keep It In The Closet (extended)
5. Get It Together
6. BillieShake (its Billie Jean mixed w/ Milkshake

Also, on reviewing the Brandy and Ray J show…Ray J is a bougie ass version of Teeny. Brandy’s eyebrows are arched to high heaven. And what’s up with her hair being gelled down in 2 different directions in the front? I’m like, probably not the only one who is trying to increase lace front awareness.

I like the show, but the more I see Ray J the angrier I get cuz he is so handsome and act like a complete numb nut. He on some 18 year old shit when it comes to behavior. Maybe it’s that baby boy thing cuz my lil bro don’t be thinking things through either. Ooh, and I think I might watch that Basketball Wives show. Came across a rather juicy scene. I think Royce is cute. Ain’t her fault ya’ll old ugly broads got kids and PTA meeting and shit. She did good dancing.

Michael Jai White, I will drink you bath water out of a sippy cup, coffee mug, martini glass, or a silly straw.

Is that ankle skin?

I just saw a Mexican dude who looked like the epitome of the name JULIO.

How I Miss Thee Tupac

4-11-10

The wee hours of the morning: I’ve been watching RockDocs w/ Tupac. I miss him. Until last year that was the date that went down in infamy during my lifetime. He had the most beautiful eyes. Almost like Muffy from Today’s Special, but better somehow. He was so smart and articulate. I wish I could find a man with some of Tupac’s most powerful attributes. No bitch ass Ni99a, but smart and that equals dangerous. I had never seen the footage of him in jail w/o the shaved head. Wonder if he was balding? The whole documentary was tastefully done and the white lady got to say the N word. I totally bought in to that East Coast West Coast Beef. Down South was sssssssoooooooooooo West Side! It’s interesting that he didn’t think he would be done harm by his own people.

I just feel inspired. Moved. I long to find that man that I connect with. I long to find the me that I connect with. I hope to leave something lasting when

Why Did I Get Married Too: The Review

So, I finally saw Why Did I Get Married Too. Good movie and I am still trying to figure out how to achieve Janet's weave. BUT it ended really wack. You just had to laugh and to quote one of my colleagues, "what?"

Michael Jai White, if you are out there; somewhere… I will drink yo bathwater! Good Gawd ( Sheila E. version) you are sin inducing. Had a comment about your gap, but I’ll leave it at that.

And why was Jill Scott's hair changing in every other scene? She went to bed with straight hair and woke up w/ curly hair. Something about Travers' (oops sorry, he played Travers on ATWT) Troy's eyes make me uncomfy. They are really penetrating. Like he can read my every dirty thought.

Ooh, and Janet's small eye kept me from looking at the screen during the split it down the middle meeting. I hate small eye days.

MY EYE-ITIS IS BACK!

And another thing. Gavin is a weird drunk. I didn’t know if he wanted to drink, break stuff, have sex, wrestle, or become a reverse psychiatrist. It was a weird scene. I think Janet did good being all angry. I just love her hair. She so cute, with them pretty fat cheeks.

Ewww Jermaine, You Nasty!

4-10-10

Yea, a case of me being totally oblivious again. So Let Me Tickle Your Fancy by Jermaine Jackson is like the best B Team song. FYI… The Jacksons are in teams.
A Team- Mike and Janet
B Team- Jermaine, Rebbie then errbody else.

Anyway, so I’m jamming out and I hear the words and IT’S ABOUT SEX!

It hit me at…
“Honey, words cannot express
The sensation that I get
It's a quiverin', tremblin' feeling
Make me wiggle
It makes me shake”

Ewww! Shaking, trembling, and quivering?! He was having a happy ending! Ewwww! But it’s my jam.

What kind of fuckery is this?

4-9-10

Lately I’ve been feeling defeated. Like, maybe there’s no point in fighting.

I’ve already been broken, what reason do I have to go on?

Quote of the day:
“What kind of fuckery is this?"
~Amy Winehouse

This sensory deprivation and my imagination are starting to get the best of me. I just day dream and night dream and when I ain’t dreamin’ there’s nothing in between. I’m so far removed from action that it seems like a fairy tale. Something that other people do…They do it well. Out of performance shape. Totally forgot what it takes. It’s like a mirage and these 2 years are a desert. And I don’t understand why I’m not spoken for. This damp dark cell is lonely. I’m innocent. No real reason for being here. I miss sight, touch, smell. I think back and in my left ventricle this destitution from a blood tear. But here I am. Just here. Not spoken for. Just fear.

Quote of the day: 4-8-10

4-8-10

Quote of the day:

“I ,I just died in your arms tonight. Must have been something you said.”
~That 80’s song

protest at the courthouse : Murray Must Die!

4-5-10

I joined the protest at the courthouse on my lunch today. Felt good to go and support. Saw Randy. Crazy black dude who decided to do The Drill by his damn self tried to talk to me. What’s wrong with me that I attract the unwanteds?

There are 3 things I have a very strong conviction towards:
1. My Family
2. Mike
3. Delta
and in that order.

What a fucked up ass 24 hours

4-4-10

What a fucked up as 24 hours. My sister had a stroke, I’m sick, there was an earth quake and I broke down crying at the hospital at the hospital while watching the Soul Train Special because they showed him doing the robot to Dancing Machine.

Oh yea, and my uncle died Thursday.

Oh yea, and killer talking bout he killed himself. Bitch! If that was the case you should have said that from the get go. I will strip your bowels from your body w/ my bare hands. I need a vacation, a massage, and 2 other adult things.

This is the remix edition...

4-2-10

I can feel him. Walk Right Now is in my head and it feels good. Happy. No sadness. I just had to tell him thank you.

Quote of the day:

“This is the remix edition of a song about pissin.”
~Dave Chappelle

CAPTAIN EO

3-28-10

Today was AWESOME My Super Happy Fun Day was a complete success. Disneyland was pretty fun. We rode Splash Mountain, The Haunted Mansion, Buzz Lightyear, the wack ass invention thingy and CAPTAIN EO twice! It was amazing. My favorite line was “somebody push the red button!” That Hooter character was a total screw up. How he gon’ eat the map??!!! I really enjoyed Mike in that in between color. The 1st time we saw it we sat in the front and it was rather stressing on the eyes. I had a hard time focusing. The 3D experience was awesome. The seats were on a platform that moved and you felt air at appropriate times. The 1st tine around I just smiled. I went to the gift store right after and got me a T Shirt, button, and poster. A little lady was perusing the items and the $169 jacket. She told me she cried. I was able to hold it together. When we 1st got there (to the ride area) sad ass music was playing, but the mood quickly changed to happy.. His yes are so beautiful. I feel so blessed to purely be able to receive his message and his love and give him my love and devotion so freely. It’s so easy to be there with him.

Dreamgirls was GREAT! It was waayy better than the movie. The dude who played Jimmy Early just stole the show. He was James Brown, Prince, and Mike rolled into one. I even saw some Morris Day swag. I mean he just commanded the stage. Their costume changes were quick and impressive.

Thanks cousin, for making my day even more enjoyable.

my right eye started to feel small

3-27-10

He fell on my mind during my voice lesson today. I just couldn’t focus on the lip trill. I just kept envisioning him doing the same exercise and my right eye started to feel small.

The Velvet Rope

3-25-10

I feel that somewhere, somehow...I’ve failed miserably. How else could thing be the way they are?

Remember, they’re just people.

I am just really feeling The Velvet Rope right now. This darkness, this despair…it just puts me in the frame of mind to really hear the words and feel the melodies. I’ve had this CD for like 10 years now and I am just now really hearing it.

“Oh I’m getting freaked from behind . I don’t even mind. Cause he’s looking damn fine. I’ll make him mine in time. Gotta take him home. When I get him alone. I’ll make him scream and moan. He won’t wanna stop.”
~Deep by Janet

Sigh

3-24-10

I tell misled time and time again. Spurred on and loved by the melody. Lost in a land of wonderment. It’s pulsating energy. Even w/ a lack of motivation and faith. I can still sometimes find my happy place. Music

Disappointment...and they act like he killed somebody, geez.

3-19-10

I am just disappointed. I hoped to be further along in life (in a better place) at 28.

Why does it smell like cigarettes and dog food on this bus?

Wow, they are really dogging Tiger Woods out. These chicks are just coming out of the woodworks…months later. I really don’t understand what they are trying to prove by outing him. You’re still a floussy who slept w/ a married man. When did it become cool to be a home wrecker?

right now is often

3-18-10

He falls on my mind ever so often and right now is often. I hear Torture. “She went up the stairs to nowhere…” Then, “hey baby what you’re thinking. No darling no I won’t change my mind. But uh you can’t take my blues away. Tell me what you say baby.”

It’s really interesting how we are supposed to go on. I am stuck. I haven’t been moving at all.

I am angry and I need a vacation. My patience is running out. Never thought my life would be like this.

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

3-11-10

I don’t like this one lady who rides the bus w/ me. Her face…just the sight of her makes me snarl. I really don’t like the way she looks. Like, under that pasty ugly new haircut having shell…evil lurks. I just feel it. She’s a total bitch.

The 2000’s: Decade of death and despair.

Stupidest lyric of the month

3-10-10

Stupidest lyric of the month:
She’s an eeny meeny miney moe lover. Can’t make up her mind.”

It's simple

3-9-10

Oh Body guards!

My Final Words

3-8-10

Let these be my final words. For they shall comfort you and stroke your pain. In blinding sunshine. In pouring rain.

Quote of the day: 3-5-10

Quote of the day:
“I fear that if I drown no one will care.”
~Rahsaan Patterson

Hello, World? 3-5-10

3-5-10

What is this world, really? And why am I in it.

I miss you.

Ahh, I am so excited. I am writing again. Maybe it’ll be good because I don’t feel pressured to crank it out. I can just feel my way through.

I feel the need to expend energy.

My soul is in a tropical location today.

Growing up sucks. Why live, if only to die?

Quote of the day: 3-4-10

3-4-10

Crazy vocally diverse soul stirring duet- Fantasia and Jasmine Sullivan.

Quote of the day:
“…I’m from a world of disappointment and confusion.”
~ Michael Jackson on Carousel

It hurts to write (type) his name.

Although I like it, I feel Friendship Train is a rip off of a Staples Singers song; definitely their sound.

America, California law sucks

Epiphany! If a rapper or football player killed Michael Jackson they’d be in jail until the shit was sorted out. !

3-1-10 Quote of the day

Quote of the day:
“Got me a dog and named her bitch nigga eater.”
~Tupac on Hearts of Men

Go Momma, it's yo birthday!

2-28-10
Happy Birthday Ma! Today was a good day. Aside from cakegate and gamegate it was cool. Fantasia did such a good job as Ceelie in The Color Purple. I saw her personality in the character. Didn’t realize until reading the playbill during intermission that Latoya London played Nettie. I just had a senior moment cause I knew that. The role of Harpo had good chemistry w/ the original Sophia. I’m not sure if it was the original Shug Avery. This show is different from the original Broadway version. I don’t remember the lesbian relationship between Shug and Ceelie being that obvious. Great Show! I can now say that I’ve seen the original Broadway play and the Fantasia version. Shit, Shug was alluring. I see why errbody wanted her. And that white suit she had on at the end…flawless!

We went on an adventure around LA t show Ma Hollywood and we ended up taking Sunset all the way through She-sheville. So she got the chance to be in Beverly Hills and Be Air. Then a happening happened. I saw a street sign that said Holmby Ranch Rd. I think I was near that Holmby Hills area I told myself I’d never go near wherever that area was. Just my luck, I happened upon it and it solidified when I then drove past UCLA. God is cruel.

John Williams did the score to the winter Olympics. He gets around. Go Canada! In the closing ceremony they used the torch lighting glitch in the show. A mime got the thing up and running and the Katherine chick that couldn’t light her stick got to light it. I think it’s really cool that Canada recognizes its indigenous people. The US didn’t recognize nary of Native American during any Olympics in my lifetime. The Olympic game montages NBC puts together are awesome, stirring, moving. And along w/ that John Williams’ Music…it’s just so nice.

Rip Boner and Bang Bang Gotcha

2-26-10

Just noticed it, but it’s this dude who rides my bus that favors Ashy Larry.

Mr. Koenig’s statement about not being alone touched me. Depression sucks and I do feel alone. Not suicidal, but alone. RIP Boner! Man, this sucks.

Where is Keith Washington?

Quote of the day: Oh, I met my baby at the bang bang gotcha shoot em up movies, yea.”
~ The Deele

Regina Bell reminds me of a Jr. Patti LaBelle w/ her delivery.

Hands down, the grossest thing I have ever seen in all of my life. It just weirded me out. Flipping through the channels and stopped on that Kardashian show because I saw a little newborn baby. They go on to show footage of the chick having the baby and she pulled that mug out of herself. I mean it was most of the way out, but the doctor allowed her to pull its feet or something out. She had a super epidural. That was the most gangsta shit I have ever seen in my life.

I am afraid of my heart and Jack/Bobby's eyes

2-24-10

I am afraid of my heart.

All I really want in life is music and love…in that order.


Jack from Lost has eyes like Bobby. He has the most beautiful eyes. I’ll always remember that. Nice lips too. I pray for him and the eventual deliverance of his heart and mind from the shackles of poverty and generations of ignorance.
So, I was wondering this for a couple of years now. I happen upon a Jet magazine sitting on the microwave and as I flip through it there was a story about…THE BOYS…WHERE ARE THEY NOW! They’re alive and doing stuff. The oldest one was baby Kunta Kinte in Roots and Bilal grew up to be the finest man of them all.

In the kinda words of Katt Williams…’If you get killed by a Killer Whale. If you get killed by a Killer Whale at SeaWorld.’ Ha! I know it’s not PC, but it’s funny.

TRAGIC and thats why we pray!

2-23-10

Captain EO Opens today! Yay! I wish they’d release the end date. I am aiming for the weekend of March 27th. Why is it so cold this morning? It is brisk. The coldness is nipping at me. Where’d they get the name Nipsey from?

Day 2… and let’s try to stave off hunger. Sometimes I just look out at the sky and say…I LOVE YOU.

I wonder if my mom has picked up on the fact that every time one of his songs comes on the radio, I change the station. I usually don’t even let the 2nd beat drop before I change it. It hurts so badly,

DAMN Whitney! Saving All My Love For You came on this morning and she used to sound so good. It’s unbelievably tragic. TRAGIC, as Mr. Omar would say.

Do you ever have to be really still in order to achieve optimum gas passing efficiency?


Aww shit, 93.5 is playing Pray by MC Hammer! Damn, now I wanna go see him in concert. I see love in my very recent past or very near future.

Long Time No Post

2-16-2010

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I was watching something educational. The subject escapes me cause I waited so long to write this down, but they played a .03 second blurb of They Don’t Really Care About Us. You just heard the drum from the beginning. Maybe it was the show about the presidents, Abe Lincoln/Slavery part.

2-17-2010

I don’t think I know how to be happy. I think I’m neurotic. I hate when people do silly shit. Like when the old lady on the bus who dresses way younger than her sagging face always gets on the bus and finds a seat then goes back to the front to pay. Or the bad legs lady who plays musical chairs to find a “good” seat. She also stands up randomly during the ride.

2-18-2010
Oh hell naw! Why does the new Omarion song sounded like a Lil Wayne song? Wow! Damn you Mariah Carey and your $69.75 nose bleed tickets! That’s expensive. I wanna go see Teena Marie and Boyz II Men, ooh, and kinda Monica and LeToya.

Thing I learned today: Akon signed Lady Gaga to his label under Interscope. This is the music equivalent of Kelsey Grammer producing Girlfriends.

Why did Al Green get darker as he aged?

2-1910

Man, the African sat in front of me because someone new sat in his usual spot this morning. I can smell the grease on his head. It’s Sulfur 8 or Bergamot

That Johnny Kemp song never applies to me whenever it’s a Friday and I just got paid. I usually have nowhere to go. It’s sad.
Ooh, MC Hammer is coming. Now that would be a happy concert. But I bet no one I know would go. And now Pump n-a Bump is playing on my head. Where is Deon Sanders?

Why God? Why?

Why am I so late on The Queen Project: I thought. “Ooh, Tamia, Deborah Cox, and Kelly Price are presenting an award together.” (on the soul train awards.) But I didn’t know that they were forming a super group. TIGHT! And I heard Deborah Cox is gonna be playing Josephine Baker musical on Broadway starting in October. Nice!

Just read some guy’s name and his last name is Ortega. Then I thought about how Mike was rolling his R in Kenny Ortega’s name on THIS IS IT. It was very cute sounding.

2-22-10

Weirdness of the weekend. A random white man followed me into a cheap women’s clothing store and asked me if I were East African. He was a close talker too. Then I freaked a little because I forgot that I had on my name tag. AHHHH!

Life is like and it sucks. I had farewell burger at Fuddruckers last night. It was so good. I hope this 1st day of healthier living isn’t a hard one. I want more than oatmeal and horrible pears from breakfast.

When people are just over the top, trying too damn hard to be down…call them EXTRA!