June 25, 2009
Never have I felt so much pain and wept an ache inducing cry. Now I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I don’t know how me waking to see another day will be. I have lost my hope. That shining bauble, just out of reach, but there….there for me in so many ways. What is this world without magic, without love, without enchantment? The world is forever changed and never the same. From this day forth I feel kind of shell shocked. A shell of my former self. Walking zombie-like through life without my hope. My fanciful hope. I recently started thinking and working on ways to get to London. That was what I was going to greet everyday with…Get to London. Now what? I honestly feel like god has forsaken me or something. He knew I was holding on to Mike to get through the day-to-day which is my life and now he has taken him away from me. What do I have left? The music of course. Man, the way the base line just courses through my body on errthang off the wall. Or the attack of the lyrics on BAD and Dangerous. I was waiting for him to do the nina pop. He did the bankhead bounce in 1995. That was cool. I Liked that bob, but why did he have his shirt open on you are not alone and what was up with the nakedness. Looking like Mr. Burns, eww eww ewww! He my play uncle though. Always, like Josh and Reva.
I have lost something and someone who meant so much to me without us even meeting. It’s funny how God puts people in your life. I never even paid that dude any attention until the summer of 1998. My sister was out in South County on the job hunt and bought The Wiz on VHS. I hadn’t seen it in over 10 years, had pretty much forgot about it. As soon as I saw the Mike on the Pole with the Crows, I was mesmerized. How delicate, how warm, how friendly, how funky was he! I mean I played that tape over and over again. I even knew his parts. I loved to say “we don’t need no cabs.” It took me a month or so to learn how to moon walk in my mom’s old raggedy payless slides. My fave quote from Mike’s many quotes in the movie was …”ignorance is the night of the mind, a night without moon or star” Typing that just made me smile. Before then I was too afraid to watch the Thriller video. Yea, it totally scarred me as a small child. I was 17 when I finally watched it in its entirety (I peeked through my fingers on the monster parts). See, Mike makes me feel good. His majesty, artistry, the way he walked, the way he wiped the sweat from his brow, the way he keeps the beat with that foot, the way he pumps with his neck when he moonwalks. That pelvic thrust be killing me. He makes the simplest moves so BIG! It’s magic! I wonder… wow; God made this incredible person…and gave him the gift of song. That song is his ministry to the world. Funny how I be looking for stuff to prove he is real, that he is a brutha. Like that interview where he is eating fried chicken, or the fact that he was drinking a Budweiser on the set of We Are The World (well he had it in his hand), or when instead of saying We Don’t he said it ebonically like We Ont. Ooh, or that time I read in J. Randy Taraborelli that Mike called some chick a heifer. Ooh, and how he was talking about he liked Bar-B-Que. Ya’ll know he patented a mechanism by which to do the smooth criminal lean in concert? You know he has this way of vocal delivery which sounds like he is on the verge of crying. Check out We’ve Already had Enough. You know, he has the most beautiful eyes. The most beautiful eyes, well next to an old boyfriend I had when I was 15. Ask Darren, I was afraid to look into his eyes in 2006. I messed up and found footage of him in like 1981 shooting a Suzuki commercial in Japan and I thought he was cute and it totally fucked up my psyche. Til that time I had never seen a version of Mike that I thought was attractive. His ears didn’t change. They are still the same shape. His ears used to be darker than his face in the mid-late 80’s. Just like a black baby that is getting its color. Maybe he’ll be wherever Tupac and Elvis are. He aint gone. Ooh, and on the Dirty Diana video when he tears off his shirt he is light on the front but darker on his back. Or how in Yokohama Japan on the 2nd leg of the Bad Tour he had his hair in a ponytail and I could see his kitchen. Yea, Mike needed a touch up. Or how he calls out peoples names when they are not doing something they are supposed to. See he be singing and in the middle of the lyrics you hear …life aint so PAT at all if you live it PAT wall.
He should have worn jeans more often. He looked good in jeans in the early 80’s. One time I was in the car with Adrianne and I was singing PYT and I made the AH sound and she was like…did you just make that noise and I said yea, it’s a part of the song. I’m angry. Why couldn’t someone else die? Kobe Bryant, Bill Murray, Phil Spector, Fuckin Bin Ladin, them Mennonite men who were raping women on the commune.
By far this is the 2nd worst day of my life. Man, I be so damn tired of Katie on Moonwalker. She always doing dumb shit and Mike always gotta save her ass. And why can’t I get upstairs on the Sega Moonwalker game? Yea, I got it! I be kickin and spinning and throwing my hat and I just cant climb those damn stairs. I got up there once though, then I was stuck walking pool table to pool table cause I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I like the way he says Dodger Stadium on the last night of the Victory Tour in LA. Ooh, and Shake Your Body Down in my fave Jacksons song and why does Mike yell break it down at least 9 times (I counted) during the performance. Ooh, years and years ago I had a dream that we were at a sleep over on the Scream set. The dream was in black and white like the video and I accidentally touched Mike’s face and he got mad at me. He just glared at me. That was scary. With all the surgery he had he could still make facial expressions.
This makes no sense. Senseless. I just don’t understand why? Ooh and Mike does a funky, come here girl finger to the ladies. His fingers are long, like he has an extra joint or something. I have a picture of him kissing a black girl in concert in the late 70’s early 80’s. I always tell people…when I get the space modulator from Marvin the Martian and the Flux Capacitor for Marty McFly, I am going back in time to be Mike’s friend. Just a friend…to shoot the breeze with and talk malarkey, he wouldn’t want me to say shit. I feel that there is no way to live your life healthy, death comes upon you not matter how skinny or fat you are so just live and die. Like we could just philosophize about stuff. Maybe he wouldn’t have had so many nose jobs if someone really saw the beauty in him. I see it. Wouldn’t it be weird if he never had a nose job but still lost his color? In this warped way of thinking, maybe things happen for a reason. I like the way he breaths at the end of ballads. Like on I’ll be there and she’s out of my life. He made an art out or breathing between words. I can just close my eyes and be transplanted to a place. That place is Michael Jackson or maybe Neverland. I just recently, like in the past month, realized that Mike is a place for me. A place in my mind and heart where there is happiness and I am whole, I am at peace. He is my Someone in the Dark. He never had a lot of lips. Just added that red lipstick. Funny, red lipstick. You know who could get it? Jackie Jackson. That dude had mad body! I find myself looking at his pecks and totally ignoring Mike. I can just see the sweat drippin all over his body (in shenene from martin voice). Jackie was fuin in those 1970’s standards. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my phone to ring because I hear Mike’s voice. I don’t want to see my screen saver cause I see Mike during dress rehearsal in Japan on the Bad Tour. I don’t want to open my closet cause I don’t want to see my collection of Mike stuff. Guess I am in denial. Glad I don’t have TV or the internet. I’m sure my composure would not be decent enough to lay out my thoughts.
Let’s see. In 2007 I went to a fan event and Joe Jackson was there. We were in the same room. I had a giddy moment. I thought…OMG IM BREATHING TO SAME AIR AS MICHAEL JACKSON’S DADDY! He looks just as mean in person too. I don’t see how Mike put on all of that make up every day. I hate taking off make up when I come back from the club n stuff. His eyeliner was cool during the BAD days. It’s like his eyes can see through to your soul. They are soothing and kinda whisper…hi, how you doin? No worries. I think he would smell funny. Like, not a bad smell, but a unique Michael Jackson smell. Why did he have carebear power coming out of his shirt on captain Eo? He was really funny looking in 1985 when he was way lighter than the thriller days, but still had his dark Michael Jackson healthy face and the short curl. I am starting to think he had a couple of tracks for the BAD album. His hair was really long in 2 years. It was like a leisure curl. Why did he tear of randy’s cloth on Victory Tour? Hey, I went to see Stars on Ice in 2006 in the same arena he started the BAD Tour in 1987. I was like AHH MICHAEL JACKSON WAS HERE 20 YEARS AGO! I saw Michelle Kwan and Syryah Bonaly. They were awesome! It’s Only A Movie! He sure was chomping that popcorn on Thriller. I would have walked through a graveyard with him any night. His eyebrows were always immaculately arched and to quote J. Randy Taraborelli…”his lips were glossed to a subtle sheen.” Ahhh, the eyes again. I call it eye-itis. Wasn’t it the weirdest thing when he kissed the lisa marie chick? They wanna get my ass dead or alive. Don Sneddon is a cold man indeed. Hey, Mike cussed. Maybe I can say shit.
No worries, all I have is worries. I have watched Ghostbusters, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and some of Amelie and it all seems like blur. I heard off the wall at like 10:30 something this morning. I was jamming all the way to wherever it is I was going. I was texting bruh dav diggler around the time the 9-1-1 call came in. 12:21pm 12:24pm. I did eat a bowl of cereal this evening. Never in my life have I cried out loud. I sobbed, I slobbed…all while driving home to be alone and stew in my grief. I’m not done though. I haven’t been able to share my grief in the company of other fans who love him. WHO LOVE HIM. THERE IS NO PAST TENSE HERE, the way I do. Im’a leave you with something beautiful…
There have been others, but never two lovers like music and me….
Im’a leave it there. Yea, that feels like an ending, but not the end.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sex
Sometimes I have to fight against my nature just to be respected. It's an internal war between pleasure and peace of mind. Daggers being thrown through your windows by the very ones who seek the place in which covetous rains fall.
Marriage
Is it something I really want to do? Is it something I believe in? Or is it something I feel pressured by society to buy into? I'm of that age where if you are not married or don't want desperately to have kids, people look at you like you have 3 heads. Is it always this lonely on the outside of the marriage tent? When you get inside it do you have to pay with your soul? Do you fold and just go with it because that is what you've been told?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A Worker Reads History by Bertolt Brecht
Was watching a lecture on the history of France by John Merriman on academicearth.org and came across this poem. Love it! And yes I'm a nerd...I watch lectures on the internet and I'm not in school.
A Worker Reads History
Who built the seven gates of Thebes?
The books are filled with names of kings.
Was it the kings who hauled the craggy blocks of stone?
And Babylon, so many times destroyed.
Who built the city up each time? In which of Lima's houses,
That city glittering with gold, lived those who built it?
In the evening when the Chinese wall was finished
Where did the masons go? Imperial Rome
Is full of arcs of triumph. Who reared them up? Over whom
Did the Caesars triumph? Byzantium lives in song.
Were all her dwellings palaces? And even in Atlantis of the legend
The night the seas rushed in,
The drowning men still bellowed for their slaves.
Young Alexander conquered India.
He alone?
Caesar beat the Gauls.
Was there not even a cook in his army?
Phillip of Spain wept as his fleet
was sunk and destroyed. Were there no other tears?
Frederick the Great triumphed in the Seven Years War.
Who triumphed with him?
Each page a victory
At whose expense the victory ball?
Every ten years a great man,
Who paid the piper?
So many particulars.
So many questions.
Bertolt Brecht
A Worker Reads History
Who built the seven gates of Thebes?
The books are filled with names of kings.
Was it the kings who hauled the craggy blocks of stone?
And Babylon, so many times destroyed.
Who built the city up each time? In which of Lima's houses,
That city glittering with gold, lived those who built it?
In the evening when the Chinese wall was finished
Where did the masons go? Imperial Rome
Is full of arcs of triumph. Who reared them up? Over whom
Did the Caesars triumph? Byzantium lives in song.
Were all her dwellings palaces? And even in Atlantis of the legend
The night the seas rushed in,
The drowning men still bellowed for their slaves.
Young Alexander conquered India.
He alone?
Caesar beat the Gauls.
Was there not even a cook in his army?
Phillip of Spain wept as his fleet
was sunk and destroyed. Were there no other tears?
Frederick the Great triumphed in the Seven Years War.
Who triumphed with him?
Each page a victory
At whose expense the victory ball?
Every ten years a great man,
Who paid the piper?
So many particulars.
So many questions.
Bertolt Brecht
Sunday, January 22, 2012
An Ode to Nate Parker
I remember the first time I saw him on the Great Debaters. I liked the cut of his jib, no lie. Most of all I fell in a deep, bright, bottomless love with his lips. I have never seen a thing so inviting, so soft, so volminous. I loved his penetrating eyes and the softness behind them when he teared up. I guess God still makes em good. I find myself daydreaming. With my eyes closed I sketch a path of silken light across his beautiful face with my finger tips. It's art you see. Better to be felt than seen. Better to be coveted and esteemed. Nate Parker, if only you were attainable. If only you weren't married. (sigh) He draws me most when he plays period roles. Anything before 1970 is the right time for this oozing of masculine dignity to spew forth in a thespian flow. I see something so strong, regal, so endearing. It would be heaven to be near it. Sometimes I can't even look at him. I hide my eyes in a whirlwing of adoration. To me, his stare is better than 10 Darius Lovehalls. But above all I am proud of the roles he takes. There is something to be said about a man who portrays such greatness in the face of adversity. Maybe that same greatness is in him as well. But from here all I can really tell is that he's beautiful. A sight for the eye to see and an inviting flame for my mind to touch.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
"This woman is growing weary of having to be so strong...
...of having to pretend I'm made of stone. So I won't end up with no broken bones. I can't fight every battle alone."~Weary by Amel Larrieux
It's starting to weigh on me, this solitude. When does solitude become an unwelcomed thing? Increasingly these days I long to be held. cared for deeply. At what point do I just put up with a nigga just to have somebody?
I know what I am looking for, but often can't articulate it because it's a feeling. I will know it when i feel it. Worthwhile dates are scarce. Should I just start serial dating, even if I'm not remotely interested? Maybe that's why I prolong the misery instead of putting Old Yeller down. I just want the possibility to have a maybe one day even though I'd made up my mind on the 2nd phone call that he ain't for me. He doesn't touch my heart or spirit in anyway. Why do I even call? Why do I even answer? Just to have someone to talk to I guess.
Then sometimes you go out on a limb. You try something new because what you been doing aint working at all. You entrust youself to the whims of a stranger. It's fun. It's different. It's late on a work night and this rock star lifestyle is a bitch. But you willinglu take the chance 'cause you've got an itch. This is differnt from the last time. I'm acutally nervous. I am more free. Allowing myself to just enjoy the company. Letting things go a little further than you'd planned because it felt good to be wanted. Felt good to know you still got it. And when the night wouldn't end I stepped outside of my comfort zone and went to his place (with the prerequisite of no sex, of course). But it was a departure from my usual careful, calculating, overly cautious self. And once again, it felt good to be wanted, even if it was for sexual gratification...that got watered down to sensual gratification. It was exciting, it was dangerous...and I liked it. A side of myself I rarely let out because it could lead to too much fun having and carelessness. I have a feeling that this could have a tumultuous undercurrent of adventure and passion. This could be war.
And then I find myself being a chick and thinking way too much. I shudder at the thought..hadn't done that in years. Some of that seemingly smiling for no reason kind of shit. But for all of my imaginative exploits there is no way of knowing for sure. I left the ball in his court and I don't want to come across needy or thirsty. What do you do when you don't want to let the best chance you've had in years slip through your fingers? Is this even a chance at all? Is it all in my mind. Just my luck, probably.
It's starting to weigh on me, this solitude. When does solitude become an unwelcomed thing? Increasingly these days I long to be held. cared for deeply. At what point do I just put up with a nigga just to have somebody?
I know what I am looking for, but often can't articulate it because it's a feeling. I will know it when i feel it. Worthwhile dates are scarce. Should I just start serial dating, even if I'm not remotely interested? Maybe that's why I prolong the misery instead of putting Old Yeller down. I just want the possibility to have a maybe one day even though I'd made up my mind on the 2nd phone call that he ain't for me. He doesn't touch my heart or spirit in anyway. Why do I even call? Why do I even answer? Just to have someone to talk to I guess.
Then sometimes you go out on a limb. You try something new because what you been doing aint working at all. You entrust youself to the whims of a stranger. It's fun. It's different. It's late on a work night and this rock star lifestyle is a bitch. But you willinglu take the chance 'cause you've got an itch. This is differnt from the last time. I'm acutally nervous. I am more free. Allowing myself to just enjoy the company. Letting things go a little further than you'd planned because it felt good to be wanted. Felt good to know you still got it. And when the night wouldn't end I stepped outside of my comfort zone and went to his place (with the prerequisite of no sex, of course). But it was a departure from my usual careful, calculating, overly cautious self. And once again, it felt good to be wanted, even if it was for sexual gratification...that got watered down to sensual gratification. It was exciting, it was dangerous...and I liked it. A side of myself I rarely let out because it could lead to too much fun having and carelessness. I have a feeling that this could have a tumultuous undercurrent of adventure and passion. This could be war.
And then I find myself being a chick and thinking way too much. I shudder at the thought..hadn't done that in years. Some of that seemingly smiling for no reason kind of shit. But for all of my imaginative exploits there is no way of knowing for sure. I left the ball in his court and I don't want to come across needy or thirsty. What do you do when you don't want to let the best chance you've had in years slip through your fingers? Is this even a chance at all? Is it all in my mind. Just my luck, probably.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012...what am I going to do with myself?
I started 2012 off pretty decently. I am working out, eating right, and trying to find Mr. Right. I also pray for peace and patience. Am I selfish? I am the type of person who wants to do what I want to do when I want to do it and when someone hinders my freedom to just be I get stressed. I'm ready for this to be over.
I also have to learn to accept me for all of my layers. Don't feel guilty for doing what you want to do. Accept the outcome and move on. Just live in the moment and don't be afraid to take chances. Nothing happens unless I say so...I have the power. And Power is Good!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I'm Down For Whatever
is gonna keep moneY in my pocket. Be informed. Get involved. I have no trust in politicians to actually work in the best interest of the people they represent. I'm poor enough. NO NEW(OR REINSTATED) TAXES!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I'm almost middle aged: eating a grilled cheese sandwich and drinking flat rieseling
I turn 30 in less than 2 months and I am NOT happy about it. I'm at the age when older people be like "you ain't married yet?" you ain't got no kids?" I don't want kids, marriage is an option, but it's hard as hell to find a suitable date, none the less a suitable husband. And what man wants a woman who doesn't want kids? Just watched sex and the city and in 3 yrs that will be me...sitting at a table with my other middle aged friends griping about the world and how fucked up it is to be a single educated black woman in LA. Wait, we do that now. And then I have to think about this whole societal pressure to procreate. I used to pray as a teenager that the lord take my gift of child bearing away and give it to some woman who can't have kids. Now though, I find myself saying " awww" when I see a cute baby. I'm not so sure that if I got pregnant I would head for the abortion like I swore to at 24 yrs old. I'm getting soft. I can't afford a kid. I can barely feed myself. Ooh and to broach another topic; sex.
I am starting to think that I subliminally block myself from any possibility of sex just to make sure I don't get pregnant. But when keeping away from sex you also keep away from the opposite sex. Clearly I am not a risk taker. What's a horny chick to do? Bob? I rarely if ever see a man who turns my head. I am not the one to waste her time on men that I am not even remotely interested in. If im interested in you I know it. It doesn't take dinner and wining and dining for me to figure it out. Im starting to think maybe I should waste my time on dudes im not interestd in right off the bat. It's one of those things where I will know what Im looking for when I see it. Ain't nothing like a tall, dark, country man. If you come from one of those former confederate states I"ll holla! Crucnchy black if I can find it. Or maybe I should date outside my race? But am I too black, country, ethnic, thick, and stubborn to attract the fairer skinned stiff legs? And how do I even talk to them. It's weird without the same shared experiences, history, culture, etc. I would feel like I am not being myself. Like I am on my best behavior in the work place or something.
Maybe I busy myself with so many outside projects so that I won't have to face my disdain with my life. If I could do anything I wanted right now I would sing, dance, and travel; in that order. I am old. 30 is one of those ages where you reflect back on your life. I don't enjoy my job, I am single, I am broke. I just really envisioned my self as a Jr Toni Childs by now. I feel like a loser. And to make matters worse I can't audition for an MTV reality show or do a Glee Flash mob or something. Don't watch the show anyway, but I digress. I feel stuck in a rut. I know so many people with great things going on in their lives (new jobs, new homes, new babies, engagements, marriges, found $20) and I'm just here. For all of the smiling and dancing and kicking it I do it is the times when I am alone, right here in my room in front of my computer (because I don't have TV) that I wonder if the world is just passing me by and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs too scared to Just Do It. Whatever it is. I am a special case. An eccentric, excitable, fool full of witty thoughts, inappropriate banter, and the spirit of some really cool regal native american loving bird.
I find myself eating to fill some emotional void lately. Really, it's 12:32am and you're eating chocolate covered cloverhill donuts. 3 of them! I often reflect back on my life 5 yrs ago and it seems pretty damn good to me right now. Never take your love or like or even remote interest in what you do for a living for granted. Many a moon ago I had a career, now I have a job. Although I relish in my alone time, I often wish I had company. Yea, it's me; Monica the middle aged loser. Sitting here eating a grilled cheese sandwich and driking flat rieseling.
I am starting to think that I subliminally block myself from any possibility of sex just to make sure I don't get pregnant. But when keeping away from sex you also keep away from the opposite sex. Clearly I am not a risk taker. What's a horny chick to do? Bob? I rarely if ever see a man who turns my head. I am not the one to waste her time on men that I am not even remotely interested in. If im interested in you I know it. It doesn't take dinner and wining and dining for me to figure it out. Im starting to think maybe I should waste my time on dudes im not interestd in right off the bat. It's one of those things where I will know what Im looking for when I see it. Ain't nothing like a tall, dark, country man. If you come from one of those former confederate states I"ll holla! Crucnchy black if I can find it. Or maybe I should date outside my race? But am I too black, country, ethnic, thick, and stubborn to attract the fairer skinned stiff legs? And how do I even talk to them. It's weird without the same shared experiences, history, culture, etc. I would feel like I am not being myself. Like I am on my best behavior in the work place or something.
Maybe I busy myself with so many outside projects so that I won't have to face my disdain with my life. If I could do anything I wanted right now I would sing, dance, and travel; in that order. I am old. 30 is one of those ages where you reflect back on your life. I don't enjoy my job, I am single, I am broke. I just really envisioned my self as a Jr Toni Childs by now. I feel like a loser. And to make matters worse I can't audition for an MTV reality show or do a Glee Flash mob or something. Don't watch the show anyway, but I digress. I feel stuck in a rut. I know so many people with great things going on in their lives (new jobs, new homes, new babies, engagements, marriges, found $20) and I'm just here. For all of the smiling and dancing and kicking it I do it is the times when I am alone, right here in my room in front of my computer (because I don't have TV) that I wonder if the world is just passing me by and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs too scared to Just Do It. Whatever it is. I am a special case. An eccentric, excitable, fool full of witty thoughts, inappropriate banter, and the spirit of some really cool regal native american loving bird.
I find myself eating to fill some emotional void lately. Really, it's 12:32am and you're eating chocolate covered cloverhill donuts. 3 of them! I often reflect back on my life 5 yrs ago and it seems pretty damn good to me right now. Never take your love or like or even remote interest in what you do for a living for granted. Many a moon ago I had a career, now I have a job. Although I relish in my alone time, I often wish I had company. Yea, it's me; Monica the middle aged loser. Sitting here eating a grilled cheese sandwich and driking flat rieseling.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
If I could make a Musical Mix of Songs currently on my mp3 player to embody the love I hope for and have to give
the following songs would tell the story (in no particular order):
Creepin-Stevie Wonder
Love Is Stronger Than Pride-Rahsaan Patterson
Be My Vixen-Miguel
Girl W/ The Tattoo-Miguel
Sign Your Name-Terence Trent D'Arby (Sananda Maitreya)
Holding On To You- Sananda Maitreya
Yeah Yeah Yeah-Rahsaan Patterson
SugaRush Beat Company-LOVE
Hello-Amel Larrieux
Words-Anthony David
Everlasting Love-Rufus and Chaka Khan
You Belong To Me-Chaka Khan and Michael McDonald
Feels Good-Rahsaan Patterson
The Beautiful Ones-Prince
Adore-Prince
2 The 9's-Prince
Something-Musiq
Forever More-Enchantment
Creepin-Stevie Wonder
Love Is Stronger Than Pride-Rahsaan Patterson
Be My Vixen-Miguel
Girl W/ The Tattoo-Miguel
Sign Your Name-Terence Trent D'Arby (Sananda Maitreya)
Holding On To You- Sananda Maitreya
Yeah Yeah Yeah-Rahsaan Patterson
SugaRush Beat Company-LOVE
Hello-Amel Larrieux
Words-Anthony David
Everlasting Love-Rufus and Chaka Khan
You Belong To Me-Chaka Khan and Michael McDonald
Feels Good-Rahsaan Patterson
The Beautiful Ones-Prince
Adore-Prince
2 The 9's-Prince
Something-Musiq
Forever More-Enchantment
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I Don't Want To Settle
Looking for a black man. Age 25-35. High School Grad (w/ some awesome reason why they didn’t go to or finish college). Dark skinned. 5’9” or taller. Not Fat. Nice smile (Must have all of your teeth and they must be clean and a nice shade of white). Nice eyes. Intelligent. Funny. Witty. Outgoing. No kids. Non-Smoker. Must be employed and have ambition in life. MUST LOVE MUSIC. Don’t wear skinny jeans, sandals, scarves for no damn reason, or busy ass Ed Hardy or knock off Ed Hardy-esque clothing.
Are those things too much to ask for? It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. Maybe I am just in the wrong place. Los Angeles: The land of the gay man and the thug man. Or if you are in the middle you looking like a Marques Houston Ass Nigga.
I don’t wear a long Indian remy weave. Although I do dabble in the art of wiggetry (I wear wigs for hair diversity). I am not light skinned and I don’t wear a size 2. I am black and no parts of my immediate lineage are Pacific Islander or Mexican. I am not a girly girl so be confident in yourself enough to exist without me constantly stroking your ego, although I will stroke something else. Just looking for someone to spend some life with, ya dig.
And don’t start preaching about the problems with black women. I ain’t did shit to you. You better holla at Keisha on that shit or go to therapy.
Are those things too much to ask for? It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. Maybe I am just in the wrong place. Los Angeles: The land of the gay man and the thug man. Or if you are in the middle you looking like a Marques Houston Ass Nigga.
I don’t wear a long Indian remy weave. Although I do dabble in the art of wiggetry (I wear wigs for hair diversity). I am not light skinned and I don’t wear a size 2. I am black and no parts of my immediate lineage are Pacific Islander or Mexican. I am not a girly girl so be confident in yourself enough to exist without me constantly stroking your ego, although I will stroke something else. Just looking for someone to spend some life with, ya dig.
And don’t start preaching about the problems with black women. I ain’t did shit to you. You better holla at Keisha on that shit or go to therapy.
Deprivation
I’ve come to realize that I deprive myself out of fear. I also know what I want and see no point in wasting my time on some unfavorable subject. It leads to self doubt and cob webs.
My demons
Everybody has them and until tonight I was happy to let mine fester. But now they have been dredged up and I feel uncomfortable. I am so good at denying and forgetting until I am not sure it even existed in the first place. Remember, my mission is to please others at the cost of my own happiness. Kinda feel like I was raised to be a victim.
People
You know, I realized something: People are fickle. They are friendly as long as it suits them. From their point of view people are expendable. So I was mistaken. It wasn't that others from their past are wack; they are the source of dissension.
TTD's Neither Fish Nor Flesh
Listening to TTD's Neither Fish Nor Flesh: This album feels like a big experiment. It feels disjointed. This Side Of Love is the best thing on it. All of his albums after this one were really focused.
1-6-11 Realization of the Day
Life is hard. No wonder everybody is on drugs!
aww, my life is over. I feel like chattel.
aww, my life is over. I feel like chattel.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Today has been a day of emotional anguish: I revisit my first blog entry
The trial has taken it's toll and it's only day 2. Cried 3 times today and am fighting back tears as I type this. Sometimes I wish I was incapable of love. That way it wouldn't hurt so much. The absolute core of my horror is upon me again, dredging up the worst way I could possibly feel. It's an old feeling. A 1 1/2 yr old feeling so I will just revisit. Here is my first blog entry dated June 25, 2009: The Worst Day of My Life
June 25, 2009
Never have I felt so much pain and wept an ache inducing cry. Now I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I don’t know how me waking to see another day will be. I have lost my hope. That shining bauble, just out of reach, but there….there for me in so many ways. What is this world without magic, without love, without enchantment? The world is forever changed and never the same. From this day forth I feel kind of shell shocked. A shell of my former self. Walking zombie-like through life without my hope. My fanciful hope. I recently started thinking and working on ways to get to London. That was what I was going to greet everyday with…Get to London. Now what? I honestly feel like god has forsaken me or something. He knew I was holding on to Mike to get through the day-to-day which is my life and now he has taken him away from me. What do I have left? The music of course. Man, the way the base line just courses through my body on errthang off the wall. Or the attack of the lyrics on BAD and Dangerous. I was waiting for him to do the nina pop. He did the bankhead bounce in 1995. That was cool. I Liked that bob, but why did he have his shirt open on you are not alone and what was up with the nakedness. Looking like Mr. Burns, eww eww ewww! He my play uncle though. Always, like Josh and Reva.
I have lost something and someone who meant so much to me without us even meeting. It’s funny how God puts people in your life. I never even paid that dude any attention until the summer of 1998. My sister was out in South County on the job hunt and bought The Wiz on VHS. I hadn’t seen it in over 10 years, had pretty much forgot about it. As soon as I saw the Mike on the Pole with the Crows, I was mesmerized. How delicate, how warm, how friendly, how funky was he! I mean I played that tape over and over again. I even knew his parts. I loved to say “we don’t need no cabs.” It took me a month or so to learn how to moon walk in my mom’s old raggedy payless slides. My fave quote from Mike’s many quotes in the movie was …”ignorance is the night of the mind, a night without moon or star” Typing that just made me smile. Before then I was too afraid to watch the Thriller video. Yea, it totally scarred me as a small child. I was 17 when I finally watched it in its entirety (I peeked through my fingers on the monster parts). See, Mike makes me feel good. His majesty, artistry, the way he walked, the way he wiped the sweat from his brow, the way he keeps the beat with that foot, the way he pumps with his neck when he moonwalks. That pelvic thrust be killing me. He makes the simplest moves so BIG! It’s magic! I wonder… wow; God made this incredible person…and gave him the gift of song. That song is his ministry to the world. Funny how I be looking for stuff to prove he is real, that he is a brutha. Like that interview where he is eating fried chicken, or the fact that he was drinking a Budweiser on the set of We Are The World (well he had it in his hand), or when instead of saying We Don’t he said it ebonically like We Ont. Ooh, or that time I read in J. Randy Taraborelli that Mike called some chick a heifer. Ooh, and how he was talking about he liked Bar-B-Que. Ya’ll know he patented a mechanism by which to do the smooth criminal lean in concert? You know he has this way of vocal delivery which sounds like he is on the verge of crying. Check out We’ve Already had Enough. You know, he has the most beautiful eyes. The most beautiful eyes, well next to an old boyfriend I had when I was 15. Ask Darren, I was afraid to look into his eyes in 2006. I messed up and found footage of him in like 1981 shooting a Suzuki commercial in Japan and I thought he was cute and it totally fucked up my psyche. Til that time I had never seen a version of Mike that I thought was attractive. His ears didn’t change. They are still the same shape. His ears used to be darker than his face in the mid-late 80’s. Just like a black baby that is getting its color. Maybe he’ll be wherever Tupac and Elvis are. He aint gone. Ooh, and on the Dirty Diana video when he tears off his shirt he is light on the front but darker on his back. Or how in Yokohama Japan on the 2nd leg of the Bad Tour he had his hair in a ponytail and I could see his kitchen. Yea, Mike needed a touch up. Or how he calls out peoples names when they are not doing something they are supposed to. See he be singing and in the middle of the lyrics you hear …life aint so PAT at all if you live it PAT wall.
He should have worn jeans more often. He looked good in jeans in the early 80’s. One time I was in the car with Adrianne and I was singing PYT and I made the AH sound and she was like…did you just make that noise and I said yea, it’s a part of the song. I’m angry. Why couldn’t someone else die? Kobe Bryant, Bill Murray, Phil Spector, Fuckin Bin Ladin, them Mennonite men who were raping women on the commune.
By far this is the 2nd worst day of my life. Man, I be so damn tired of Katie on Moonwalker. She always doing dumb shit and Mike always gotta save her ass. And why can’t I get upstairs on the Sega Moonwalker game? Yea, I got it! I be kickin and spinning and throwing my hat and I just cant climb those damn stairs. I got up there once though, then I was stuck walking pool table to pool table cause I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I like the way he says Dodger Stadium on the last night of the Victory Tour in LA. Ooh, and Shake Your Body Down in my fave Jacksons song and why does Mike yell break it down at least 9 times (I counted) during the performance. Ooh, years and years ago I had a dream that we were at a sleep over on the Scream set. The dream was in black and white like the video and I accidentally touched Mike’s face and he got mad at me. He just glared at me. That was scary. With all the surgery he had he could still make facial expressions.
This makes no sense. Senseless. I just don’t understand why? Ooh and Mike does a funky, come here girl finger to the ladies. His fingers are long, like he has an extra joint or something. I have a picture of him kissing a black girl in concert in the late 70’s early 80’s. I always tell people…when I get the space modulator from Marvin the Martian and the Flux Capacitor for Marty McFly, I am going back in time to be Mike’s friend. Just a friend…to shoot the breeze with and talk malarkey, he wouldn’t want me to say shit. I feel that there is no way to live your life healthy, death comes upon you not matter how skinny or fat you are so just live and die. Like we could just philosophize about stuff. Maybe he wouldn’t have had so many nose jobs if someone really saw the beauty in him. I see it. Wouldn’t it be weird if he never had a nose job but still lost his color? In this warped way of thinking, maybe things happen for a reason. I like the way he breaths at the end of ballads. Like on I’ll be there and she’s out of my life. He made an art out or breathing between words. I can just close my eyes and be transplanted to a place. That place is Michael Jackson or maybe Neverland. I just recently, like in the past month, realized that Mike is a place for me. A place in my mind and heart where there is happiness and I am whole, I am at peace. He is my Someone in the Dark. He never had a lot of lips. Just added that red lipstick. Funny, red lipstick. You know who could get it? Jackie Jackson. That dude had mad body! I find myself looking at his pecks and totally ignoring Mike. I can just see the sweat drippin all over his body (in shenene from martin voice). Jackie was fuin in those 1970’s standards. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my phone to ring because I hear Mike’s voice. I don’t want to see my screen saver cause I see Mike during dress rehearsal in Japan on the Bad Tour. I don’t want to open my closet cause I don’t want to see my collection of Mike stuff. Guess I am in denial. Glad I don’t have TV or the internet. I’m sure my composure would not be decent enough to lay out my thoughts.
Let’s see. In 2007 I went to a fan event and Joe Jackson was there. We were in the same room. I had a giddy moment. I thought…OMG IM BREATHING TO SAME AIR AS MICHAEL JACKSON’S DADDY! He looks just as mean in person too. I don’t see how Mike put on all of that make up every day. I hate taking off make up when I come back from the club n stuff. His eyeliner was cool during the BAD days. It’s like his eyes can see through to your soul. They are soothing and kinda whisper…hi, how you doin? No worries. I think he would smell funny. Like, not a bad smell, but a unique Michael Jackson smell. Why did he have carebear power coming out of his shirt on captain Eo? He was really funny looking in 1985 when he was way lighter than the thriller days, but still had his dark Michael Jackson healthy face and the short curl. I am starting to think he had a couple of tracks for the BAD album. His hair was really long in 2 years. It was like a leisure curl. Why did he tear of randy’s cloth on Victory Tour? Hey, I went to see Stars on Ice in 2006 in the same arena he started the BAD Tour in 1987. I was like AHH MICHAEL JACKSON WAS HERE 20 YEARS AGO! I saw Michelle Kwan and Syryah Bonaly. They were awesome! It’s Only A Movie! He sure was chomping that popcorn on Thriller. I would have walked through a graveyard with him any night. His eyebrows were always immaculately arched and to quote J. Randy Taraborelli…”his lips were glossed to a subtle sheen.” Ahhh, the eyes again. I call it eye-itis. Wasn’t it the weirdest thing when he kissed the lisa marie chick? They wanna get my ass dead or alive. Don Sneddon is a cold man indeed. Hey, Mike cussed. Maybe I can say shit.
No worries, all I have is worries. I have watched Ghostbusters, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and some of Amelie and it all seems like blur. I heard off the wall at like 10:30 something this morning. I was jamming all the way to wherever it is I was going. I was texting bruh dav diggler around the time the 9-1-1 call came in. 12:21pm 12:24pm. I did eat a bowl of cereal this evening. Never in my life have I cried out loud. I sobbed, I slobbed…all while driving home to be alone and stew in my grief. I’m not done though. I haven’t been able to share my grief in the company of other fans who love him. WHO LOVE HIM. THERE IS NO PAST TENSE HERE, the way I do. Im’a leave you with something beautiful…
There have been others, but never two lovers like music and me….
Im’a leave it there. Yea, that feels like an ending, but not the end.
June 25, 2009
Never have I felt so much pain and wept an ache inducing cry. Now I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I don’t know how me waking to see another day will be. I have lost my hope. That shining bauble, just out of reach, but there….there for me in so many ways. What is this world without magic, without love, without enchantment? The world is forever changed and never the same. From this day forth I feel kind of shell shocked. A shell of my former self. Walking zombie-like through life without my hope. My fanciful hope. I recently started thinking and working on ways to get to London. That was what I was going to greet everyday with…Get to London. Now what? I honestly feel like god has forsaken me or something. He knew I was holding on to Mike to get through the day-to-day which is my life and now he has taken him away from me. What do I have left? The music of course. Man, the way the base line just courses through my body on errthang off the wall. Or the attack of the lyrics on BAD and Dangerous. I was waiting for him to do the nina pop. He did the bankhead bounce in 1995. That was cool. I Liked that bob, but why did he have his shirt open on you are not alone and what was up with the nakedness. Looking like Mr. Burns, eww eww ewww! He my play uncle though. Always, like Josh and Reva.
I have lost something and someone who meant so much to me without us even meeting. It’s funny how God puts people in your life. I never even paid that dude any attention until the summer of 1998. My sister was out in South County on the job hunt and bought The Wiz on VHS. I hadn’t seen it in over 10 years, had pretty much forgot about it. As soon as I saw the Mike on the Pole with the Crows, I was mesmerized. How delicate, how warm, how friendly, how funky was he! I mean I played that tape over and over again. I even knew his parts. I loved to say “we don’t need no cabs.” It took me a month or so to learn how to moon walk in my mom’s old raggedy payless slides. My fave quote from Mike’s many quotes in the movie was …”ignorance is the night of the mind, a night without moon or star” Typing that just made me smile. Before then I was too afraid to watch the Thriller video. Yea, it totally scarred me as a small child. I was 17 when I finally watched it in its entirety (I peeked through my fingers on the monster parts). See, Mike makes me feel good. His majesty, artistry, the way he walked, the way he wiped the sweat from his brow, the way he keeps the beat with that foot, the way he pumps with his neck when he moonwalks. That pelvic thrust be killing me. He makes the simplest moves so BIG! It’s magic! I wonder… wow; God made this incredible person…and gave him the gift of song. That song is his ministry to the world. Funny how I be looking for stuff to prove he is real, that he is a brutha. Like that interview where he is eating fried chicken, or the fact that he was drinking a Budweiser on the set of We Are The World (well he had it in his hand), or when instead of saying We Don’t he said it ebonically like We Ont. Ooh, or that time I read in J. Randy Taraborelli that Mike called some chick a heifer. Ooh, and how he was talking about he liked Bar-B-Que. Ya’ll know he patented a mechanism by which to do the smooth criminal lean in concert? You know he has this way of vocal delivery which sounds like he is on the verge of crying. Check out We’ve Already had Enough. You know, he has the most beautiful eyes. The most beautiful eyes, well next to an old boyfriend I had when I was 15. Ask Darren, I was afraid to look into his eyes in 2006. I messed up and found footage of him in like 1981 shooting a Suzuki commercial in Japan and I thought he was cute and it totally fucked up my psyche. Til that time I had never seen a version of Mike that I thought was attractive. His ears didn’t change. They are still the same shape. His ears used to be darker than his face in the mid-late 80’s. Just like a black baby that is getting its color. Maybe he’ll be wherever Tupac and Elvis are. He aint gone. Ooh, and on the Dirty Diana video when he tears off his shirt he is light on the front but darker on his back. Or how in Yokohama Japan on the 2nd leg of the Bad Tour he had his hair in a ponytail and I could see his kitchen. Yea, Mike needed a touch up. Or how he calls out peoples names when they are not doing something they are supposed to. See he be singing and in the middle of the lyrics you hear …life aint so PAT at all if you live it PAT wall.
He should have worn jeans more often. He looked good in jeans in the early 80’s. One time I was in the car with Adrianne and I was singing PYT and I made the AH sound and she was like…did you just make that noise and I said yea, it’s a part of the song. I’m angry. Why couldn’t someone else die? Kobe Bryant, Bill Murray, Phil Spector, Fuckin Bin Ladin, them Mennonite men who were raping women on the commune.
By far this is the 2nd worst day of my life. Man, I be so damn tired of Katie on Moonwalker. She always doing dumb shit and Mike always gotta save her ass. And why can’t I get upstairs on the Sega Moonwalker game? Yea, I got it! I be kickin and spinning and throwing my hat and I just cant climb those damn stairs. I got up there once though, then I was stuck walking pool table to pool table cause I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I like the way he says Dodger Stadium on the last night of the Victory Tour in LA. Ooh, and Shake Your Body Down in my fave Jacksons song and why does Mike yell break it down at least 9 times (I counted) during the performance. Ooh, years and years ago I had a dream that we were at a sleep over on the Scream set. The dream was in black and white like the video and I accidentally touched Mike’s face and he got mad at me. He just glared at me. That was scary. With all the surgery he had he could still make facial expressions.
This makes no sense. Senseless. I just don’t understand why? Ooh and Mike does a funky, come here girl finger to the ladies. His fingers are long, like he has an extra joint or something. I have a picture of him kissing a black girl in concert in the late 70’s early 80’s. I always tell people…when I get the space modulator from Marvin the Martian and the Flux Capacitor for Marty McFly, I am going back in time to be Mike’s friend. Just a friend…to shoot the breeze with and talk malarkey, he wouldn’t want me to say shit. I feel that there is no way to live your life healthy, death comes upon you not matter how skinny or fat you are so just live and die. Like we could just philosophize about stuff. Maybe he wouldn’t have had so many nose jobs if someone really saw the beauty in him. I see it. Wouldn’t it be weird if he never had a nose job but still lost his color? In this warped way of thinking, maybe things happen for a reason. I like the way he breaths at the end of ballads. Like on I’ll be there and she’s out of my life. He made an art out or breathing between words. I can just close my eyes and be transplanted to a place. That place is Michael Jackson or maybe Neverland. I just recently, like in the past month, realized that Mike is a place for me. A place in my mind and heart where there is happiness and I am whole, I am at peace. He is my Someone in the Dark. He never had a lot of lips. Just added that red lipstick. Funny, red lipstick. You know who could get it? Jackie Jackson. That dude had mad body! I find myself looking at his pecks and totally ignoring Mike. I can just see the sweat drippin all over his body (in shenene from martin voice). Jackie was fuin in those 1970’s standards. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my phone to ring because I hear Mike’s voice. I don’t want to see my screen saver cause I see Mike during dress rehearsal in Japan on the Bad Tour. I don’t want to open my closet cause I don’t want to see my collection of Mike stuff. Guess I am in denial. Glad I don’t have TV or the internet. I’m sure my composure would not be decent enough to lay out my thoughts.
Let’s see. In 2007 I went to a fan event and Joe Jackson was there. We were in the same room. I had a giddy moment. I thought…OMG IM BREATHING TO SAME AIR AS MICHAEL JACKSON’S DADDY! He looks just as mean in person too. I don’t see how Mike put on all of that make up every day. I hate taking off make up when I come back from the club n stuff. His eyeliner was cool during the BAD days. It’s like his eyes can see through to your soul. They are soothing and kinda whisper…hi, how you doin? No worries. I think he would smell funny. Like, not a bad smell, but a unique Michael Jackson smell. Why did he have carebear power coming out of his shirt on captain Eo? He was really funny looking in 1985 when he was way lighter than the thriller days, but still had his dark Michael Jackson healthy face and the short curl. I am starting to think he had a couple of tracks for the BAD album. His hair was really long in 2 years. It was like a leisure curl. Why did he tear of randy’s cloth on Victory Tour? Hey, I went to see Stars on Ice in 2006 in the same arena he started the BAD Tour in 1987. I was like AHH MICHAEL JACKSON WAS HERE 20 YEARS AGO! I saw Michelle Kwan and Syryah Bonaly. They were awesome! It’s Only A Movie! He sure was chomping that popcorn on Thriller. I would have walked through a graveyard with him any night. His eyebrows were always immaculately arched and to quote J. Randy Taraborelli…”his lips were glossed to a subtle sheen.” Ahhh, the eyes again. I call it eye-itis. Wasn’t it the weirdest thing when he kissed the lisa marie chick? They wanna get my ass dead or alive. Don Sneddon is a cold man indeed. Hey, Mike cussed. Maybe I can say shit.
No worries, all I have is worries. I have watched Ghostbusters, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and some of Amelie and it all seems like blur. I heard off the wall at like 10:30 something this morning. I was jamming all the way to wherever it is I was going. I was texting bruh dav diggler around the time the 9-1-1 call came in. 12:21pm 12:24pm. I did eat a bowl of cereal this evening. Never in my life have I cried out loud. I sobbed, I slobbed…all while driving home to be alone and stew in my grief. I’m not done though. I haven’t been able to share my grief in the company of other fans who love him. WHO LOVE HIM. THERE IS NO PAST TENSE HERE, the way I do. Im’a leave you with something beautiful…
There have been others, but never two lovers like music and me….
Im’a leave it there. Yea, that feels like an ending, but not the end.
People should not irritate me at 6:10 in the morning
1-5-11
I just really wanna merk this lady who decided to pay her $14 in bus fare in all 1’s. Shit, it’s cold. If she didn’t have that Obama skull cap on I would have went all sharp shooter to her head. Red dot not feather.
There’s a lady sitting in front of me who looks like a stale roach or something. She’s the color of Charlie Murphy with Faith Evans’ hair color.
I just really wanna merk this lady who decided to pay her $14 in bus fare in all 1’s. Shit, it’s cold. If she didn’t have that Obama skull cap on I would have went all sharp shooter to her head. Red dot not feather.
There’s a lady sitting in front of me who looks like a stale roach or something. She’s the color of Charlie Murphy with Faith Evans’ hair color.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Realizing shit sucks
I am in the dessert of my adult work history. I have pretty much given up on getting back into TV news. It’s been over 4 years. Any skills I had are long gone. I guess I will focus on other things that interest me.
Monday, January 3, 2011
There’s derelict doodle in my brain
12-27-10
I’ve cried the tears of a thousand bygone eras. Fears and hopes tectonically collide bringing forth death and a new birth of mind. I am not the fan I used to be. I can no longer lose myself in out world. Once where there was noting but happiness, sadness peeks in its marauding head. I bought THIS IS IT on dvd the day it came out. It’s still in the plastic in the best buy bag with the receipt. I can’t bring myself to watch it. I bought the Michael album. It’s still sitting on my desk in the Target bag. I only half way listened to it once. I am very picky in what I will and will not do or affiliate myself with. I bought it out of love, obligations, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. To not buy it is to harm Michael’s reputation and I will always make sure I support him.
It’s like those little nesting egg figurines. It’s happy inside of grief inside of anger inside of despair. I can’t even watch him on TV. I can’t lose myself in his music anymore. I also notice that Sony is not marketing the album well. THIS IS IT was everywhere. Even with the controversy they should still push the album. I saw the commercial for it after the album came out. I have seen one Dash bus with an advertisement on its side.
There’s derelict doodle in my brain.
I have noticed that I only write poetry when I am sad.
I’ve cried the tears of a thousand bygone eras. Fears and hopes tectonically collide bringing forth death and a new birth of mind. I am not the fan I used to be. I can no longer lose myself in out world. Once where there was noting but happiness, sadness peeks in its marauding head. I bought THIS IS IT on dvd the day it came out. It’s still in the plastic in the best buy bag with the receipt. I can’t bring myself to watch it. I bought the Michael album. It’s still sitting on my desk in the Target bag. I only half way listened to it once. I am very picky in what I will and will not do or affiliate myself with. I bought it out of love, obligations, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. To not buy it is to harm Michael’s reputation and I will always make sure I support him.
It’s like those little nesting egg figurines. It’s happy inside of grief inside of anger inside of despair. I can’t even watch him on TV. I can’t lose myself in his music anymore. I also notice that Sony is not marketing the album well. THIS IS IT was everywhere. Even with the controversy they should still push the album. I saw the commercial for it after the album came out. I have seen one Dash bus with an advertisement on its side.
There’s derelict doodle in my brain.
I have noticed that I only write poetry when I am sad.
12-26-10 Twitter is evil and I am really sad. James Brown has happened again!
12-26-10
Twitter on my phone has been taking me away from here. I cannot give it this much power. Must sustain flight. Why couldn’t someone I don’t care about die. I am really shocked, saddened, and angry at the death of Teena Marie. Since Mike’s passing I am super sensitive to death. I am starting to not want old age. It has to really mess with your heart and mind to watch all of your friends die. Has to be lonely.
Twitter on my phone has been taking me away from here. I cannot give it this much power. Must sustain flight. Why couldn’t someone I don’t care about die. I am really shocked, saddened, and angry at the death of Teena Marie. Since Mike’s passing I am super sensitive to death. I am starting to not want old age. It has to really mess with your heart and mind to watch all of your friends die. Has to be lonely.
11-16-10 Sananda and Q
11-16-10
Found a way to rip audio from YouTube videos. Nice! Listening to Sananda sing Holding On To You Live from 1995. There was a smoldering fire about him in that concert. Maybe it was the combo of his skin, sweat and the lighting.
Just realized Quincy Jones’ new album is just remixes of songs he already released, but by current artists.
Found a way to rip audio from YouTube videos. Nice! Listening to Sananda sing Holding On To You Live from 1995. There was a smoldering fire about him in that concert. Maybe it was the combo of his skin, sweat and the lighting.
Just realized Quincy Jones’ new album is just remixes of songs he already released, but by current artists.
11-15-10: Stevie Wonderfull LA5 and other stuff
Stevie Wonderfull LA 5 was fun. The DJ wasn’t all that good. He didn’t DJ for maximum dance emotion. He did some good stuff. Didn’t hear Go Home. It wasn’t crowded. I just remembered last year the DJ played more diverse stuff. I was learning so much because he played songs Stevie wrote or produced for other artists…and I didn’t know some of the songs. I heard songs I had never heard. This year it was the usual songs. And he’d repeat the same parts of “AS” right before my especial favorite part where he growls the lyrics. His daughter Ieisha showed up and they played her song. That has to be a nice warm and fuzzy feeling…your dad loves you and he wrote a song about you.
This one buff black dude came with her. He was built! Shaped like SpongeBob. Anyway, he starts dancing and all seemed ok. Then it happened…HE TWIRLED! Damn, he was gay!
There was also this Asian guy who looked like he just stepped out of the 36th Chamber. Of course I named him WuTang. He was gettin’ his git down on. Andrea observed that he kept rewinding his dance moves. Accurate deduction. I found a dollar; had to dance my way to it. The most coolest thing of the night was the guy who actually caught my eye. That rarely happens. He was dancing on stage. I just liked his aura. His cut out tank top tee shirt said something about bullshit on the back. He had on a 70’s style page boy cap w/ his hair in a ponytail. Yes, a ponytail. You know I am averse to said things on a black man. The other thing is that he was light skinned. And per the redness of his ponytail and the shape of his nose I deducted that he had freckles. I love freckles! So from afar I thought he was cute, but with no confirmation of the actual features up close I relegated myself to just watching him dance. He has certain earthy grime to him.
And now back to the regularly scheduled program….
I need to go buy more of his music. Kinda said I can’t go see Fantasia next week.
This one buff black dude came with her. He was built! Shaped like SpongeBob. Anyway, he starts dancing and all seemed ok. Then it happened…HE TWIRLED! Damn, he was gay!
There was also this Asian guy who looked like he just stepped out of the 36th Chamber. Of course I named him WuTang. He was gettin’ his git down on. Andrea observed that he kept rewinding his dance moves. Accurate deduction. I found a dollar; had to dance my way to it. The most coolest thing of the night was the guy who actually caught my eye. That rarely happens. He was dancing on stage. I just liked his aura. His cut out tank top tee shirt said something about bullshit on the back. He had on a 70’s style page boy cap w/ his hair in a ponytail. Yes, a ponytail. You know I am averse to said things on a black man. The other thing is that he was light skinned. And per the redness of his ponytail and the shape of his nose I deducted that he had freckles. I love freckles! So from afar I thought he was cute, but with no confirmation of the actual features up close I relegated myself to just watching him dance. He has certain earthy grime to him.
And now back to the regularly scheduled program….
I need to go buy more of his music. Kinda said I can’t go see Fantasia next week.
11-12-10
11-12-10
Everyday I wake up I am a little less myself. A blessing and a curse. Living with this pain isn’t living at all. I had might as well be with him if my heart feels this way.
The older I get the more I pass gas and drop loads in public places. I guess I just don’t care much anymore. And no knows me here.
I am scared of this new album. I really wish we could put a stop to all posthumous releases that were unfinished. If they release anything unfinished- JUST DON’T FINISH IT because you are not Michael and therefore it will lack MAGIC
Everyday I wake up I am a little less myself. A blessing and a curse. Living with this pain isn’t living at all. I had might as well be with him if my heart feels this way.
The older I get the more I pass gas and drop loads in public places. I guess I just don’t care much anymore. And no knows me here.
I am scared of this new album. I really wish we could put a stop to all posthumous releases that were unfinished. If they release anything unfinished- JUST DON’T FINISH IT because you are not Michael and therefore it will lack MAGIC
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Soul Train Awards- the play by play by me
If one more person comes out all renewed and sporting that 1950’s look im’a go all Wayne Brady and shank a bitch.
And if you watched R Kelly and enjoyed it…something is wrong with you. I shall never acknowledge his existence except for 3 instances: 1- You Are Not Alone 2- Fortunate 3- The Remix to Ignition.
This dance off is stupid, but Taraji need to let me borrow that bad ass outfit! Lookin like Wonder Woman. Girl, I be done caught a cold, two tricks, and a case with that on.
This Ne-Yo performance is lacking. Cause he ain’t fuckin singing. Meh.
Did I just see “Crack” in the word slideshow about the important things that happened in Black History in the past 30 years? It was like, Mandela, Jordan, Crack, Katrina, Obama, Haiti.
Ain’t Ron Isley old weird Batman Cartoon Character looking ass supposed to be in jail?
Sole is ugly!
Faith Evans looks like a colored version of Caitlyn from Teen Moms with that assymetrical bob.
I do not like Kem. But RACHELLE IS MY PLAY SISTER!
Oh Blessed! Do I love Dionne Farris? Yes I do.
Why is Eric Benet screaming?
I don’t like this new season of The Game commercial. It just looks stupid and I hate Mel’s hair.
Is the Dougie really inspired by Dougie Fresh? I know he did have a move back in the day with his hand going over his head.
Damn Kid Capri got on a suit and a low cut:O
Biz Markie’s face looks like it’s drooping.
Is Wolf Blitzer really the white dude stand in for Eminem? Hilarious!
Coco looks like Paulette C Walker with that hair and make up.
Dougie Fresh is real SVELT.
That Bruno Mars dude sounds good singing and he plays gee-tar?
DAMN KEISHA COLE’S LIPSTICK IS RONALD MCDONALD WIG RED! Oh the lipstick matches her fuck me pumps.
Although I love Bilal’s music he makes me feel uncomfortable.
Why is Tank’s forehead so shiny? Specular Highlight up in this bitch!
Eric Benet is really playing his Brotha card tonight. Glad to see he’s wearing shoes again cause his ass was gonna be the catalyst behind an outbreak of Cofootalitis in the US.
So where did Peabo Bryson’s neck go? He look like “I don’t know”
Freddie Jackson looks like a raisin.
So, I really didn’t enjoy that Ron Isley Tribute. But he come out with…
this is mr big
how you doin mr big
what the hell is goin on
what you mean what’s goin on
Kelly;s telling me that you sleepin with another women
Well if she didn’t see me with her …I don’t remember the rest.
So maybe I acknowledge R Kelly’s existence in 3 ½ instances.
Is that Tim Gunn next to Anita Baker?
Is his manager Marcus King from the Jamie Foxx show?
It’s nice to see him so humble and happy to receive the honor. I love it when people are genuine. He sounded like my granny when he said “Oh Lord.” How he gonna sing and he was just crying? Where’s Ernie?
Who is that dude next to Janelle Monet who looks like Dred Scott in profile?
What is this random ass song he is singing? We don’t know this shit.
Aww shit, here comes me, Michelle and Shafari’s jam! Well R Kelly is up to existing 4 times.
WTF is she wearing?
Damn, Cee-lo need to lose weight. He is another Big Pun waiting to happen. He ain’t always been that big.
Man, Taraji be slippin on her hosting skills. I can see her squinting to make out the cue cards or teleprompter.
Did I see Derek J’s name in the credits?
Dude, some chick’s name in the credit was Trinkette!
And if you watched R Kelly and enjoyed it…something is wrong with you. I shall never acknowledge his existence except for 3 instances: 1- You Are Not Alone 2- Fortunate 3- The Remix to Ignition.
This dance off is stupid, but Taraji need to let me borrow that bad ass outfit! Lookin like Wonder Woman. Girl, I be done caught a cold, two tricks, and a case with that on.
This Ne-Yo performance is lacking. Cause he ain’t fuckin singing. Meh.
Did I just see “Crack” in the word slideshow about the important things that happened in Black History in the past 30 years? It was like, Mandela, Jordan, Crack, Katrina, Obama, Haiti.
Ain’t Ron Isley old weird Batman Cartoon Character looking ass supposed to be in jail?
Sole is ugly!
Faith Evans looks like a colored version of Caitlyn from Teen Moms with that assymetrical bob.
I do not like Kem. But RACHELLE IS MY PLAY SISTER!
Oh Blessed! Do I love Dionne Farris? Yes I do.
Why is Eric Benet screaming?
I don’t like this new season of The Game commercial. It just looks stupid and I hate Mel’s hair.
Is the Dougie really inspired by Dougie Fresh? I know he did have a move back in the day with his hand going over his head.
Damn Kid Capri got on a suit and a low cut:O
Biz Markie’s face looks like it’s drooping.
Is Wolf Blitzer really the white dude stand in for Eminem? Hilarious!
Coco looks like Paulette C Walker with that hair and make up.
Dougie Fresh is real SVELT.
That Bruno Mars dude sounds good singing and he plays gee-tar?
DAMN KEISHA COLE’S LIPSTICK IS RONALD MCDONALD WIG RED! Oh the lipstick matches her fuck me pumps.
Although I love Bilal’s music he makes me feel uncomfortable.
Why is Tank’s forehead so shiny? Specular Highlight up in this bitch!
Eric Benet is really playing his Brotha card tonight. Glad to see he’s wearing shoes again cause his ass was gonna be the catalyst behind an outbreak of Cofootalitis in the US.
So where did Peabo Bryson’s neck go? He look like “I don’t know”
Freddie Jackson looks like a raisin.
So, I really didn’t enjoy that Ron Isley Tribute. But he come out with…
this is mr big
how you doin mr big
what the hell is goin on
what you mean what’s goin on
Kelly;s telling me that you sleepin with another women
Well if she didn’t see me with her …I don’t remember the rest.
So maybe I acknowledge R Kelly’s existence in 3 ½ instances.
Is that Tim Gunn next to Anita Baker?
Is his manager Marcus King from the Jamie Foxx show?
It’s nice to see him so humble and happy to receive the honor. I love it when people are genuine. He sounded like my granny when he said “Oh Lord.” How he gonna sing and he was just crying? Where’s Ernie?
Who is that dude next to Janelle Monet who looks like Dred Scott in profile?
What is this random ass song he is singing? We don’t know this shit.
Aww shit, here comes me, Michelle and Shafari’s jam! Well R Kelly is up to existing 4 times.
WTF is she wearing?
Damn, Cee-lo need to lose weight. He is another Big Pun waiting to happen. He ain’t always been that big.
Man, Taraji be slippin on her hosting skills. I can see her squinting to make out the cue cards or teleprompter.
Did I see Derek J’s name in the credits?
Dude, some chick’s name in the credit was Trinkette!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Principal Urbina and Students from the Gardner St. School 2010
Michael Jackson Auditorium- The Gardner St. School 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
ooohhhh, there's something on my mind. Somebody please. Please tell me what's wrong
10-8-10
A song I wrote reads more like a rap song.
Sometimes I wince and man because the emotions/pain becomes physical pain: Grief. I miss Michael.
Something is stirring in me and it’s not good.
10-12-10
Reflecting on a recent picture of K-Ci and Jo Jo I saw. It was in regard to their new reality show. K-Ci has lost the light in his eyes. There used to be a certain shine or life and it’s gone. The pupils are dead. I think the light in his eyes was the thing that made him so ugly he looked good.
November should be an interesting month. I won’t be busy every weekend.
I have really been feeling the need to proactively date. It’s been 5 years since I was last in a relationship and all of my other activities are no longer keeping me leveled. I don’t think they ever have. Guess I been lying to myself.
A song I wrote reads more like a rap song.
Sometimes I wince and man because the emotions/pain becomes physical pain: Grief. I miss Michael.
Something is stirring in me and it’s not good.
10-12-10
Reflecting on a recent picture of K-Ci and Jo Jo I saw. It was in regard to their new reality show. K-Ci has lost the light in his eyes. There used to be a certain shine or life and it’s gone. The pupils are dead. I think the light in his eyes was the thing that made him so ugly he looked good.
November should be an interesting month. I won’t be busy every weekend.
I have really been feeling the need to proactively date. It’s been 5 years since I was last in a relationship and all of my other activities are no longer keeping me leveled. I don’t think they ever have. Guess I been lying to myself.
The Dark Poem
Sometimes we live in a warped sense of reality.
Past apparitions and flights of bestiality.
Prolonged journeys of self inflicted pain
Wandering this life in search of sustenance and capital gains.
Holding on to the rotting stench of hop e and love
Praying to someone above
Until the day of the dark red sky approaches
Leaving you dirty, naked, alone, and out in the great salt slick
Its coming quick
The real world and the fact that your time is done
There’s no more to do, to give, to fight for
Succumb to mediocrity
Failure and the looming promise of death
Past apparitions and flights of bestiality.
Prolonged journeys of self inflicted pain
Wandering this life in search of sustenance and capital gains.
Holding on to the rotting stench of hop e and love
Praying to someone above
Until the day of the dark red sky approaches
Leaving you dirty, naked, alone, and out in the great salt slick
Its coming quick
The real world and the fact that your time is done
There’s no more to do, to give, to fight for
Succumb to mediocrity
Failure and the looming promise of death
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Velvet Rope-a 22 track disc of good feeling contradictions.
I have really been feeling The Velvet Rope Lately. It feels full and robust and colorful, dreadful, and joyous all in one. Kinda like me, a 22 track disc of good feeling contradictions.
I know that sometimes you get to feelin'
I've given up on you
The pressure seems to, to defeat you
Beat you, whenever you can't go on
You must remember that
(You must remember)
You were born with blood of kings and queens
And can't be stopped
Stand tall my brother
(Stand tall my brother)
You can't be stopped
No, you can't be stopped
(Don't ever let nobody tell you you ain't strong enough)
Dead Body!!!!!!
Wrapping anything bulky and kind of long in a sheet just screams DEAD BODY!!!! Don’t wrap that tenor saxophone in that white sheet Darryl!
The Situation is dire for the female sex
I can’t believe The Situation gets the desired results from girls with the way he talks to them. He’s such a sleaze. They are so caught up in his abs and TV cameras that they are allowing themselves to be belittled.
Give em something you can't understand- I could just kill a man
I hate when people stare at you like they lack the mental capacity of a fetus. I just want to pull out my imaginary Uzi, put on the silencer and blow their brains out (and eyes too).
Hair and Eyeballs
Where does the hair go that you cannot get out of your eyes? Dies it accumulate somewhere, dissolve into your system?
I ‘m starting to doubt my natural talent.
I ‘m starting to doubt my natural talent.
Michael
No one could possibly understand (well maybe a few), but to grasp my deep devotion and adoration…it’s just out of this world. Spiritual, out of body, but deep in consciousness state of existence. I love you Michael.
I have just been moved to tears. Haven’t cried since last week. This time though the tears were not as sad.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Deep ass song lyric of the day: 9-28-10
Deep ass song lyric of the day:
Do I believe in God? Do I believe in me? Some people wanna die so they can be free.
~Prince (Controversy)
Master Cleanse: Day 2 10:05am
Master Cleanse: Day 2 10:05am
I want some lucky charms. I can just imagine myself savoring those marshmallows. I bite down and the smooth, sweet, marshmallowy flavor jus explodes in my mouth, Ooh, I can’t be stuck in traffic and am already going to be late for work. I kept wanting to stop and eat. I mean sit in the restaurant and eat…I was gonna be late anyway. But I resisted temptation.
I want some lucky charms. I can just imagine myself savoring those marshmallows. I bite down and the smooth, sweet, marshmallowy flavor jus explodes in my mouth, Ooh, I can’t be stuck in traffic and am already going to be late for work. I kept wanting to stop and eat. I mean sit in the restaurant and eat…I was gonna be late anyway. But I resisted temptation.
9-28-10: TRAFFIC!
9-28-10
Traffics in LA will bring out your inner homicidal maniac. It took me damn near 2 ½ hours to get to work.
I really don’t have the patience for the Steve Harvey Morning Show. He ain’t on there half of the time anyway
Traffics in LA will bring out your inner homicidal maniac. It took me damn near 2 ½ hours to get to work.
I really don’t have the patience for the Steve Harvey Morning Show. He ain’t on there half of the time anyway
Monday, September 27, 2010
9-27-10 Master Cleanse Day 1:
9-27-10
Master Cleanse Day 1:
I feel weak and don’t even know how I am going to muster the strength to squeeze the lemon juice for tomorrow’s concoction.
Master Cleanse Day 1:
I feel weak and don’t even know how I am going to muster the strength to squeeze the lemon juice for tomorrow’s concoction.
Janet Jackson: True Hollywood Story
You know, after watching that Janet True Hollywood Story I see parallels between her and Rene’s split and the divorce of Pat and Malik Yoba on Why Did I Get Married Too. Like, him taking credit for her work and suing her. I hope it didn’t get ugly in real life. Seems like as quickly as he came out publicly with the suit, he went away. I bet she settled.
9-23-10 Deep ass quote of the day:
9-23-10
Deep ass quote of the day:
“Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed.”
~Barbara Tuchman
Deep ass quote of the day:
“Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed.”
~Barbara Tuchman
Hope Suicide
I get it. I totally get it. I can understand the pain and the urgent need to escape said pain, but only under the circumstance of profound loss. I get it. It’s a hard, cold, dark place. 6 wall closing in on you.
Angela Simmons and physique gene swap therapy
Angela Simmons has a bangin body! I need to get on her genetic/diet plan. Ooh, wouldn’t it be interesting if scientists could inject you with someone else’s genes/DNA who has the body type you want and these selected genes could over take your own physique genes and your body would morph into the desired body type?
Debbie Morgan
Wow, Debbie Morgan turned 56 today! Wow! She is the epitome of dimples. So classy too. Just learned on Wikipedia that she used to be married to Charles S. Dutton. Who Knew!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I am allergic to my weave
My ears are itching and I have taken to putting hydrocortisone on them. 2 more days and I am back to wearing my own hair.
Things that came to mind today: Jackie Jackson, Chick with the Coretta Hairstyle and the Great Bowel Motivator
Just thought of something really funny and slightly explicit. So ya’ll know that Jackie Jackson CGI.I shall call him the lean, mean makes you want to cream machine. And now I am thinking of Boston cream pie. I don’t like Boston cream pie. Not a fan of cream pies in general.
I refuse to believe short lady with the Coretta hairstyle has that much to talk about on the phone everyday at like 6:15am. Really? You are not an executive handling east coast accounts.
(sigh) my eyes run dry from the constant shedding of tear. It’s like the cry equivalent of a dry heave.
Peanut Butter and Granny Smith Apples: The Great Bowel Motivator.
I have no problem with paying $3 to leave items at Mike’s grave. I’d spend more if they were charging more. It takes people and space to move all of the things left for him. This still feels unreal. A loss I refuse to accept.
I refuse to believe short lady with the Coretta hairstyle has that much to talk about on the phone everyday at like 6:15am. Really? You are not an executive handling east coast accounts.
(sigh) my eyes run dry from the constant shedding of tear. It’s like the cry equivalent of a dry heave.
Peanut Butter and Granny Smith Apples: The Great Bowel Motivator.
I have no problem with paying $3 to leave items at Mike’s grave. I’d spend more if they were charging more. It takes people and space to move all of the things left for him. This still feels unreal. A loss I refuse to accept.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
50 is scary
I’m scared to turn 50. Everyone keeps dying. Why does God always see fit to take the good ones? Maybe they are too good for this earth. Which means this must be hell. He sent them here for a short time on a mission of high importance. Well dine he said and home they went.
Rap verse of the week:
Rap verse of the week:
Ughhh...Another soul lost
Had to make a shirt match my ox blood colored Porsche
Ughhh...The rims match of course
Blood hit his Timbs it reminded me of them
Glistenin' wrist on chiller
Gun in the same palm of gorgeous killer
I put this on my lord my niece was 4 when she felt chinchilla
I past the shore for that shit that made fiends rise from the dead like
Thriller
Gangster...Hustler
At night still found time to kiss my mother
Live like I'm dreamin' kick my feet up
Gun pulled my waist remind me of my demon
So quite ya yappin' fore I get to clappin
And have your body parts mix and matching fella
~Clipse
Ughhh...Another soul lost
Had to make a shirt match my ox blood colored Porsche
Ughhh...The rims match of course
Blood hit his Timbs it reminded me of them
Glistenin' wrist on chiller
Gun in the same palm of gorgeous killer
I put this on my lord my niece was 4 when she felt chinchilla
I past the shore for that shit that made fiends rise from the dead like
Thriller
Gangster...Hustler
At night still found time to kiss my mother
Live like I'm dreamin' kick my feet up
Gun pulled my waist remind me of my demon
So quite ya yappin' fore I get to clappin
And have your body parts mix and matching fella
~Clipse
what's another term for milk?
This person who wrote an article about generic products called milk “Moo-Juice.” HILARIOUS!
Deep ass statement of the day: 9-13-10
Deep ass statement of the day: “You’ve been so lost in thoughts about where you SHOULD be that you’ve overlooked the obvious. Buddhist teachers define hell as wanting to be somewhere other than where you are in the present moment. If you’re feeling restless, you don’t need to run away. You need to slow down…burn off some of the nervous energy percolating through you veins…otherwise, your overwhelming passion could transmute to rage or other base emotions.”
~ My Elle Horoscope for the week of 9/13-9/19
~ My Elle Horoscope for the week of 9/13-9/19
Random stuff from 9-13-10
My day is officially fucked up. Bad back white lady sat with me on the bus this morning. Shiiitttt!!!!
On a sad note; 14 years ago today Tupac died.
Where in the hell is Shania Twain?
OMG, I am not a Barbie person, but these Bob Mackie Barbie’s are fucking amazing.
On a sad note; 14 years ago today Tupac died.
Where in the hell is Shania Twain?
OMG, I am not a Barbie person, but these Bob Mackie Barbie’s are fucking amazing.
CLEAVAGE!
My heart, lord my heart. Why?
I really don’t know how I feel about Family Guy anymore. It just lacks substance or anything thoughtful. South Park is better. I have cleavage and I think it’s because I’ve gained weight.
I really don’t know how I feel about Family Guy anymore. It just lacks substance or anything thoughtful. South Park is better. I have cleavage and I think it’s because I’ve gained weight.
VH1’s Greatest Artists of All Time Commentary and Top 10
I don’t get Jimi Hendrix and Bob Marley yet. Maybe with more time I will. Fuck Elvis Presley! Damn! Whole Lotta Love by Ike and Tina was originally a Led Zeppelin song! Really #2, #2, well who the fuck is #1 then? Really, I cannot think of anyone else. Oh I forgot about them. It’s cool. The Beatles.
10 Stevie Wonder
9 James Brown
8 Elvis
7 Prince
6 Jimi Hendrix
5 Bob Dylan
4 Rolling Stones
3 Led Zepplin
2 Michael Jackson
1 The Beatles
10 Stevie Wonder
9 James Brown
8 Elvis
7 Prince
6 Jimi Hendrix
5 Bob Dylan
4 Rolling Stones
3 Led Zepplin
2 Michael Jackson
1 The Beatles
Quote of the day Thanks to Macy Gray (which is weird because I despise her)
“He’s so fearless. It’s like the music monster ate him?”
~Macy Gray in reference to Prince on VH1’s Greatest Artists of All Time.
~Macy Gray in reference to Prince on VH1’s Greatest Artists of All Time.
Advice of the day: 9-11-10
Dear teenagers making out behind the tree in the park. You should have a blanket down before you catch critter crotch.
Starbucks Is Horrible (Gagging)
I got someone’s free Starbucks coffee coupon in the mail so I used it. Man, that toffee mocha frappucino was blended beyond recognition and 97.6% tasteless. The only thing that had taste was the whipped cream. I totally understand why I am a Coffee Bean fan. Starbucks is gross and I vow to never spend my own money there.
Eureka!
I now understand how Mike sometimes sings extra words or the wrongs words to songs. In my voice lesson today I was adding words to These Foolish Things because it just flowed better fro me. Eureka!
Bath and Body Works Gate
And they have the nerve to talk about us. This white lady came into the store today and returned shit so old most of the people that work at the store was like WTF. I promise you that shit was like 10 years old. The store manager confirmed it. The Store manager was so nice about it. All of the products were used and I mean damn near empty. There were only 3 items that I remember ever seeing and that was back when I first started in the winter 2008. And the returnee had the nerve to claim she was embarrassed. BITCH! You bold as cat piss to come to a store and return 10 yr old shit without a receipt. I have been broke and have had to hustle, but I have home training and would never return used hygiene and beauty products.
Hurley
You know, Weezer has an album coming out titled Hurley and it has Hurley from Lost’s picture on the front. I am tempted o give it a listen just because Hurley is on it. I don’t own a Weezer CD. I have never even bootlegged a single, but because Hurley is hands down the must enduring character in television history I am inclined to try their music. Pretty good marketing ploy.
Quote of the day:9-10-10
Quote of the day: “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”
Thanks Dana! ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks Dana! ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Love-some verse
I envision meeting my soul mate on the dance floor. We are dancing to whatever upbeat song then the DJ puts on The Beautiful Ones by Prince and somehow we know what we must dance. We come in close, the lights go purple, and the other dancers seem to disperse. We dance intertwined, more like a melting of souls and bodies in to one. I feel light, my heart is beating fast, I have butterflies and my breath is somehow labored as we dance. Eyes closed, but hairs on end. Feeling out the situation. I am so acute to the vibes that I start to feel pain. The song reaches its peak. “Do You Want Him . Or do you want me? Cause I want you.” And I feel drained. It’s electric…The Prince goes “baby baby baby baby I want you. Hooo! Yes I do.” And then the song ends and we look into each others eyes with fear and bewilderment and know that this is it. You are the on. So this is what heaven must be like; this right here. I bat my eyes to keep the tears from falling. It has begun…Love.
Dogs and bursting into song. la la la la la
If I ever ever ever ever say I want a dog slap me. The puppy kept running out of the garage when I was trying to leave this morning and I was late for my bus. Well later than I wanted to be, but I still made it. I don’t understand why he doesn’t understand. I cannot do dogs and kids who do not listen. Sit yo ass down!
Ooh, yesterday I felt so moved by Michael. I had to burst out into song. Call On Me was the light in my heart whose words and soft feel comforted my soul.
Ooh, yesterday I felt so moved by Michael. I had to burst out into song. Call On Me was the light in my heart whose words and soft feel comforted my soul.
Oooh, Time Warner Cable Man
I’m on the bus and we just passed a Time Warner cable van. The driver has a lap top open on the middle arm rest and there is a video of a horse running on a track. I refuse to believe he is watching that as a part of his job WHILE DRIVING. He is just watching TV.
whoa is me
It is super stressful being the one everyone runs to for help when there is never help when you need it. I don’t ask for it because I know they are in no position to help me. I soldier on alone. I kinda see a small glimpse into how Michael must have felt; being of support to his family even when it jeopardized his healthy and happiness. This feeling I feel always harkens back to the lyrics of That’s What You Get For Being Polite.
Very Bad Wax Figures. dun dun dun
Ooh, when I was in San Francisco I walked past the Wax Museum and they had a horrible wax figure of Mike sitting on a stool throwing up the deuce. It looked nothing like any of his faces. It looked more like E Casanova to me. They didn’t even get the eyes remotely close. Sad, but I didn’t even get chocolate wasted. I just had chocolate. The devil is busy. In my life there is no such this as happiness. We simply trade one hell for another.
Elle is a Liar and nasty make out scene
Ewww, I can’t believe that Lindsey Lohan and the other white chick made out with Danny Trejo! Whose name I just learned when I went to see Machete.
Oh now this is funny. I recently learned that Juan is Spanish for John and my uncle John has a son named Juan. Not sure if that is how you spell it, but that sure is how you pronounce it. Weird, huh?
Fuck you Elle! You Lie! You Lie!
Oh now this is funny. I recently learned that Juan is Spanish for John and my uncle John has a son named Juan. Not sure if that is how you spell it, but that sure is how you pronounce it. Weird, huh?
Fuck you Elle! You Lie! You Lie!
Damn Vodka Commercial
Saw a commercial for Svedka Vodka and they are using Dancing Machine as the music for it and all of the club-like people are doing the robot. That is wrong. I know that Michael doesn’t have writing or producing credits on that song, but his image and artistry are being used to sell alcohol and Michael would NEVER do that. Whoever gave permission should be ashamed of themselves. You are so money hungry that you are tarnishing something so happy, fun and pure.
Monday, September 13, 2010
San Francisco, oh how I hate thee
9-5-10
San Francisco, oh how I hate thee. My life has been on a catastrophic downtown since Friday. First what about me-gate. Then the accident on the 14 that made me two minutes too late for the 5:30 Fly Away. I lucked out in being on the 1st stop, but I had to run to be the last person on the plan. I mean, one minute later and I would have missed it. Then I sit on the plane next to Super PDA Asian Couple. They were hugging and caressing and kissing. The chick would end up leaning on me because for some reason she felt compelled to try to ball up in the seat. Then she started feeling sick and her boyfriend had to ask for water. She was coughing and her nose was running. I was worried she had SARS or Chicken Swine Cow Flu Fever. Then when she finished blowing her nose she stuffed the snotty tissues in the seat back pocket. You nasty bitch! So the ride from the Airport to downtown was cool. Went to Walgreens, bought some pads, which had me like YES! Got to the hotel and checked in early. My room was a hole in the wall, but I figured it would suffice since I THOUGHT I would be out of the room for the most of the time. I had a lovely view of a brick wall, other windows, and a back alley. The window was ideal for committing suicide since there was a surface below all of the windows.
Brother-gate happened so any hopes of kickin it were dashed. I soldiered on alone to be smushed on a cable car back to Market Street. Some old man was way too close up on me. I mean his body was smack dab anchored to my butt. I was so uncomfortable. I decided to go to the mall since it was at my stop. Got my poncho from H&M and went to see Machete. Robert Rodriguez is the shit! The mall was closed so I took a cab back to my hotel to avoid walking at night alone. I took a shower and decided to nod off to Dave Chapelle about 11ish. I wake up at about 12:50 something and my life was irreparably ruined. There were bed bugs on my pillow. One bug was full of blood when I killed it (hope it wasn’t mine) and a small one. Then after I jumped up, stripped naked, unwrapped my weave and scratched all up and through it. I killed the two on the pillow, on eon my t shirt and one on my ear I changed clothes filmed the scene, and then packed up to go downstairs. There were no more rooms available at the hotel so they transferred me to another America’s Best Value Inn. So by 3am I was at a better hotel scratching like a crack head and sleeping in a chair because I was afraid to lie in the bed. The worst part about the 1st hotel is that I never even got under the cover. I just covered up with a blanket I brought. The staffs at the hotels were nice and I got to stay in a king bed suite with a kitchenette at the new hotel with no change in rates.
I now find myself at brainwashed-washing the clothes and blanket I had on me at the time of the happening. I could have been angry at home! The worst part about all of this is that I am alone.
Recapping yesterday, I went to Brenda’s Soul Food and for there to not be a black person working there the grits was the bomb. Had ice cream and chocolate at Ghirardelli’s and rode a cable car.
My mom and her friend are en route to come spend some time with me. I’m telling you, I am, so glad my mom is up here in the bay area this weekend. The best part, well the 2nd best part of this day is when I walked into Brainwashed they were playing Mike. I think I should spend the evening singing and maybe trying to write poems/songs. I like the vibe of San Francisco though; Real city like. And it is seriously full of gay men. I feel out of place over here trying to wash. Oh and San Francisco is a very bike friendly city. Everyone rides bikes here. Oh and Pandora station they have playing here is the shit. You Can’t Touch This! Ooh, and people loves them some dogs. Everybody is walking their dog. Good news is that there is a variety of dogs. Not just little bitch ass ones.
9-6-10
My mom came to my rescue yesterday. She and Mr. Calvin came. We saw sea lions and drove down Lombard St and went to the Golden Gate Bridge. Rather colorful character, that Mr. Calvin. The seafood smelled great although I didn’t get any. For dinner I had horrible McDonalds from a McDonalds that hadn’t been renovated since 1986. It was HUGE! Had an upstairs and everything. Went to sleep in the chair again. Took my cab to the Powell Street Bart Station. Got there and people are lined up outside and the gate was closed. Turns out they were running on a Sunday schedule. There were no signs, posting, NOTHING stating that! I had to catch a $17 hotel airport shuttle when I had a bart pass with like $12 left on it to accommodate my roundtrip to and from the airport. I ended up giving it to a black lady at the airport who was asking for donations to some cause.
I really regret this trip. Good riddance. I’m on the fly away and this Haitian black person from an island ass woman has talked on her cell phone since she got on here. In my mind I envision my evil self pulling off her wig and telling her to shut the fuck up! I feel like pigging out out of emotion. I ain’t even hungry.
San Francisco, oh how I hate thee. My life has been on a catastrophic downtown since Friday. First what about me-gate. Then the accident on the 14 that made me two minutes too late for the 5:30 Fly Away. I lucked out in being on the 1st stop, but I had to run to be the last person on the plan. I mean, one minute later and I would have missed it. Then I sit on the plane next to Super PDA Asian Couple. They were hugging and caressing and kissing. The chick would end up leaning on me because for some reason she felt compelled to try to ball up in the seat. Then she started feeling sick and her boyfriend had to ask for water. She was coughing and her nose was running. I was worried she had SARS or Chicken Swine Cow Flu Fever. Then when she finished blowing her nose she stuffed the snotty tissues in the seat back pocket. You nasty bitch! So the ride from the Airport to downtown was cool. Went to Walgreens, bought some pads, which had me like YES! Got to the hotel and checked in early. My room was a hole in the wall, but I figured it would suffice since I THOUGHT I would be out of the room for the most of the time. I had a lovely view of a brick wall, other windows, and a back alley. The window was ideal for committing suicide since there was a surface below all of the windows.
Brother-gate happened so any hopes of kickin it were dashed. I soldiered on alone to be smushed on a cable car back to Market Street. Some old man was way too close up on me. I mean his body was smack dab anchored to my butt. I was so uncomfortable. I decided to go to the mall since it was at my stop. Got my poncho from H&M and went to see Machete. Robert Rodriguez is the shit! The mall was closed so I took a cab back to my hotel to avoid walking at night alone. I took a shower and decided to nod off to Dave Chapelle about 11ish. I wake up at about 12:50 something and my life was irreparably ruined. There were bed bugs on my pillow. One bug was full of blood when I killed it (hope it wasn’t mine) and a small one. Then after I jumped up, stripped naked, unwrapped my weave and scratched all up and through it. I killed the two on the pillow, on eon my t shirt and one on my ear I changed clothes filmed the scene, and then packed up to go downstairs. There were no more rooms available at the hotel so they transferred me to another America’s Best Value Inn. So by 3am I was at a better hotel scratching like a crack head and sleeping in a chair because I was afraid to lie in the bed. The worst part about the 1st hotel is that I never even got under the cover. I just covered up with a blanket I brought. The staffs at the hotels were nice and I got to stay in a king bed suite with a kitchenette at the new hotel with no change in rates.
I now find myself at brainwashed-washing the clothes and blanket I had on me at the time of the happening. I could have been angry at home! The worst part about all of this is that I am alone.
Recapping yesterday, I went to Brenda’s Soul Food and for there to not be a black person working there the grits was the bomb. Had ice cream and chocolate at Ghirardelli’s and rode a cable car.
My mom and her friend are en route to come spend some time with me. I’m telling you, I am, so glad my mom is up here in the bay area this weekend. The best part, well the 2nd best part of this day is when I walked into Brainwashed they were playing Mike. I think I should spend the evening singing and maybe trying to write poems/songs. I like the vibe of San Francisco though; Real city like. And it is seriously full of gay men. I feel out of place over here trying to wash. Oh and San Francisco is a very bike friendly city. Everyone rides bikes here. Oh and Pandora station they have playing here is the shit. You Can’t Touch This! Ooh, and people loves them some dogs. Everybody is walking their dog. Good news is that there is a variety of dogs. Not just little bitch ass ones.
9-6-10
My mom came to my rescue yesterday. She and Mr. Calvin came. We saw sea lions and drove down Lombard St and went to the Golden Gate Bridge. Rather colorful character, that Mr. Calvin. The seafood smelled great although I didn’t get any. For dinner I had horrible McDonalds from a McDonalds that hadn’t been renovated since 1986. It was HUGE! Had an upstairs and everything. Went to sleep in the chair again. Took my cab to the Powell Street Bart Station. Got there and people are lined up outside and the gate was closed. Turns out they were running on a Sunday schedule. There were no signs, posting, NOTHING stating that! I had to catch a $17 hotel airport shuttle when I had a bart pass with like $12 left on it to accommodate my roundtrip to and from the airport. I ended up giving it to a black lady at the airport who was asking for donations to some cause.
I really regret this trip. Good riddance. I’m on the fly away and this Haitian black person from an island ass woman has talked on her cell phone since she got on here. In my mind I envision my evil self pulling off her wig and telling her to shut the fuck up! I feel like pigging out out of emotion. I ain’t even hungry.
Rap Verse of the day: 9-1-10
Rap Verse of the day: “Standin on the corner straight slanging rocks. Awww shit here comes another crooked cop.”
NWA
9-1-10
Was watching some show about NWA and what exactly did Yella do in the group? Ice Cube has a big face. Easy E was cute; Nice perked lips. It seemed like AIDS took him way to fast. He had to have had it for years. The offices of Ruthless Records looks like the same building Edmonds Entertainment is at now. Had a dumb moment where I forgot BONE was am Eazy E group. I feel very proud of them and what they accomplished. I don’t have a real memory of the group and their impact as I was like 7 when they came out. Ice Cube CGI.
Funny how this was a rap group with a lead rapper and he didn’t want to rap in the first place. I wonder if Dre has any regrets. He has been associated with a whole bunch of drama and somehow he came out clean. I also forgot that AJ Johnson played Sleazy E in that one Dre video.
Was watching some show about NWA and what exactly did Yella do in the group? Ice Cube has a big face. Easy E was cute; Nice perked lips. It seemed like AIDS took him way to fast. He had to have had it for years. The offices of Ruthless Records looks like the same building Edmonds Entertainment is at now. Had a dumb moment where I forgot BONE was am Eazy E group. I feel very proud of them and what they accomplished. I don’t have a real memory of the group and their impact as I was like 7 when they came out. Ice Cube CGI.
Funny how this was a rap group with a lead rapper and he didn’t want to rap in the first place. I wonder if Dre has any regrets. He has been associated with a whole bunch of drama and somehow he came out clean. I also forgot that AJ Johnson played Sleazy E in that one Dre video.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
You must read the credits to Cd's. It is so educational. AND THE MOTHERLOAD IN THE BUS BATHROOM
Humh, listening to Chaka’s The Woman I Am and I just realized that Rahsaan Patterson sings Chaka Style. It’s the phrasing and harmonies, definitely some of the ad-libs too. OOOHHH, and Michael Bearden played the piano solo on You Can Make The Story Right.
I hate the YBF’s website. It takes forever for all of those photos to load.
OMG, there is a major sewage issue on the bus. The smell has lingered far too long for it to have been a fart. I think somebody blew up the bathroom. I promise you it’s getting stronger. Are they still in there?
I hate the YBF’s website. It takes forever for all of those photos to load.
OMG, there is a major sewage issue on the bus. The smell has lingered far too long for it to have been a fart. I think somebody blew up the bathroom. I promise you it’s getting stronger. Are they still in there?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!
Its 2:23am ad my stomach is making a noise like a Sci-Fi ray gun. I’m up practicing for the birthday flash mob since they decided to send the location at 11pm the night before. This disorganization and last minute-ness does not suit my personality.
The flash mob was AWESOME! I was so fierce dancing to Scream. I truly enjoyed being in the fandom. I was so fierce on Scream, do you hear me. I went to his star. There was Mexican praying candles there and notes and flowers for him. I didn’t even think to bring anything. I also learned that he has 2ND STAR on the Walk of Fame. It is for radio and on Vine near Sunset.
And across from his 2n star is THE JACKSONS’ star. I also saw Quincy Jones’, James Brown’s, Smokey Robinson’s, and Billy Dee Williams’ star around the same area. We went to Amoeba Music and it was AWESOME!
I bought the original pressing of TWYMMF single on LP and the original pressing of Dangerous on CD. I also got a Chaka Khan, Batman Soundtrack, and the second Nikka Costa CD. O must go back. That is like music heaven.
Oh yea. I went to Hooters for the first time. It’s nothing to write home about.
The MJ Birthday Party was cool. Major technical difficulties hampered ?uestlove
S DJ set, but he pulled out some gems like Body Language, Hum Along and Dance and Life Of The Party. He even played State of Shock and Tell Me I’m Not Dreaming. He didn’t really DJ. It just sounded like a mixtape. The event went til 4am. We left around 3:30. Best part was although the supposed cut off time for the RSVP Price of $20 ended at 11:30, we got there at 12:30 and still paid $20. Samantha Ronson was there. She is very skinny and a little greasy looking. She cusses too much. There was no reason for her to say Fuckin so much when she was on the mic. I spotted Bilal in the crowd and he is SUPER SHORT. Like, maybe my height. DJ Scratch was there and they said DJ Jazzy Jeff was there, but I didn’t see him. There was even this dude there dressed like the Jackson 5. I called him the Jackson 1. HE EVEN PLAYED SUNSET DRIVER!!!!!
A DNK A DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!!
S DJ set, but he pulled out some gems like Body Language, Hum Along and Dance and Life Of The Party. He even played State of Shock and Tell Me I’m Not Dreaming. He didn’t really DJ. It just sounded like a mixtape. The event went til 4am. We left around 3:30. Best part was although the supposed cut off time for the RSVP Price of $20 ended at 11:30, we got there at 12:30 and still paid $20. Samantha Ronson was there. She is very skinny and a little greasy looking. She cusses too much. There was no reason for her to say Fuckin so much when she was on the mic. I spotted Bilal in the crowd and he is SUPER SHORT. Like, maybe my height. DJ Scratch was there and they said DJ Jazzy Jeff was there, but I didn’t see him. There was even this dude there dressed like the Jackson 5. I called him the Jackson 1. HE EVEN PLAYED SUNSET DRIVER!!!!!
A DNK A DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!!
Lottery Machines and Cell Phones are not my Friends
Grrrr. Damn lottery machine! Had me late for being late to the bus depot. Took that lady forever to figure out that the machine wouldn’t turn on until 6am. I had to go! Of course when I got back to my car the clock said 6:01am. Whore Hooker!
Oh and for some reason my damn cell phone won’t hold a charge. WTF? Charged it last night. The battery said full so I unplugged it. Woke up, brushed my teeth, came back, and the battery icon was red. Grrrr!
Oh and for some reason my damn cell phone won’t hold a charge. WTF? Charged it last night. The battery said full so I unplugged it. Woke up, brushed my teeth, came back, and the battery icon was red. Grrrr!
OOH TIN MAN, YOU LIED
Wait a Minute! The Tin Man on The Wiz didn’t have a heart and was singing “what would I do if I could feel”, but he was crying over Teeny before they even left the amusement park! Now, I ordain crying a feeling. Or at least an action derived from a feeling.
Unfortunate Slight
I feel stressed and not blessed…I don’t know what I was thinking to send that invite out. Results are as I figured.
and one mo mothafuckin thing
Also, why does it take 2 years for that bitch ass ni99a to go to trial?!!!! January 4th? FORREAL??!!!
I had a Billie Jean Moment and Jay Leno is aiight wit me.
I was walking to work this morning and there were leaves on the ground and I had a Billie Jean thought. I wanted to walk in the squares and swish my feet and pop my collar. Why are there leaves on the ground in LA in August anyway?
So tonight is Michael Jackson music night on Jay Leno. They are playing Mike into and out of commercial breaks. Kewl!
So tonight is Michael Jackson music night on Jay Leno. They are playing Mike into and out of commercial breaks. Kewl!
Monday, August 30, 2010
VH1…why can’t David Hasselhoff visit his star on the Walk of Fame?
VH1…why can’t David Hasselhoff visit his star on the Walk of Fame? He is proud of the accomplishment and since he can’t take the sidewalk home with him it makes sense that he would want to go see it every once in a while.
I tried meditation, the Yogi looka like a man
Meditation was interesting. I DID COME AWAY WITH ONE THING: For this is just a vessel, my soul shall be free. I thought of Michael. He is a light, a beacon that calls my mind, my heart and my soul to peace.
Hey! I passed by that LA Ink place tonight. I was on La Brea and saw pink walls and guitars and words in a window that read LA Ink. Then later, flipping through the channels I received confirmation. Kewl!
Back to meditation: I thought the Ananda Yogi dude was a lady. They had a big picture of him/her all glow with them Mexican praying candles. Turns out it was a guy. He is very pretty. The black aura around his head looked like hair. I thought it was just an old painted photo circa 1950 or something. The yellow orangey thing/top he had on looked like a dress. Nice color. There was a broach or something on that piece of clothing/dress/shirt thingy too. So, that’s why I thought it was a lady.
As a man it looked like a version of a Star Trek crew member shirt. There seemed to me to be more yoga than meditation, but maybe they go hand in hand. On a side bar: it’s 6:10am, and I am so hungry right now. Abnormally hungry.
They passed around a collection plate afterwards. Aside from being cold I kept peeking when I heard movement to see where people were going. Didn’t’ want nobody over bear my purse. Ooh, the other cool thing was that when trying to clear my mind I envisioned Mike as a light. I also felt a little light body wise. We had to do some chant and I liked that. I liked the way I could feel the vibration of my vocal chords throughout my body.
Another side bar: I’m on the bus and the white lady who just sat beside me smells like Jheri Curl Juice.
I dunno if I will go back to meditation class again. Was talking to a foreign chick named Olga. She seemed nice, but when the conversation was turned to her she was uncomfortably vague. I asked her what she did and she was like I help middle class people with money. I was like, oh a financial planner. She was like not quite and she skirted around a real answer. I then felt duped like I had shared too much info about myself with her and she was probably pumping me for information getting read to scam me. I was the only black person there, but apparently there had been a black female in attendance before because some dude was like Hey, Tonya right???
I am so stoked about the MJ Bday Flashmob. Apparently Scream is the hardest choreography to learn and yep I was assigned to the group. We are gonna rock it. I gotta go outfit shopping. Wish I still had had those black pleather pants from high school.
Why this really short black lady on the bus always on her cell every damn morning? Who are you holding long, in-depth conversations with at 6:20am?
Hey! I passed by that LA Ink place tonight. I was on La Brea and saw pink walls and guitars and words in a window that read LA Ink. Then later, flipping through the channels I received confirmation. Kewl!
Back to meditation: I thought the Ananda Yogi dude was a lady. They had a big picture of him/her all glow with them Mexican praying candles. Turns out it was a guy. He is very pretty. The black aura around his head looked like hair. I thought it was just an old painted photo circa 1950 or something. The yellow orangey thing/top he had on looked like a dress. Nice color. There was a broach or something on that piece of clothing/dress/shirt thingy too. So, that’s why I thought it was a lady.
As a man it looked like a version of a Star Trek crew member shirt. There seemed to me to be more yoga than meditation, but maybe they go hand in hand. On a side bar: it’s 6:10am, and I am so hungry right now. Abnormally hungry.
They passed around a collection plate afterwards. Aside from being cold I kept peeking when I heard movement to see where people were going. Didn’t’ want nobody over bear my purse. Ooh, the other cool thing was that when trying to clear my mind I envisioned Mike as a light. I also felt a little light body wise. We had to do some chant and I liked that. I liked the way I could feel the vibration of my vocal chords throughout my body.
Another side bar: I’m on the bus and the white lady who just sat beside me smells like Jheri Curl Juice.
I dunno if I will go back to meditation class again. Was talking to a foreign chick named Olga. She seemed nice, but when the conversation was turned to her she was uncomfortably vague. I asked her what she did and she was like I help middle class people with money. I was like, oh a financial planner. She was like not quite and she skirted around a real answer. I then felt duped like I had shared too much info about myself with her and she was probably pumping me for information getting read to scam me. I was the only black person there, but apparently there had been a black female in attendance before because some dude was like Hey, Tonya right???
I am so stoked about the MJ Bday Flashmob. Apparently Scream is the hardest choreography to learn and yep I was assigned to the group. We are gonna rock it. I gotta go outfit shopping. Wish I still had had those black pleather pants from high school.
Why this really short black lady on the bus always on her cell every damn morning? Who are you holding long, in-depth conversations with at 6:20am?
ANNOUNCING THE TOUR OF THE DECADE
If Chris Brown and Usher really do go on tour together they should title it THE CREAM YOURSELF TOUR.
IN THE YEAR 2000....IN THE YEAR 2000
I am officially old. There is a show coming on TV in the fall called My Generation and it soap operally chronicles the lives of some members of the Class of 2000.
Pointer Sisters Dream, Stuff I accomplished on 8-16-10, and Maw and Paw: the cutest little old couple ever
Just saw the cutest older couple; Maw and Paw. Maw was like 4 ft nothing with skinny jeans and the cutest espadrilles on. Paw had on a long sleeved henley, cargo shorts, and white addidas with a skull cap/baseball hat combo on. He saw with her at the bus stop til she got on the bus, then put his hands in hi pockets and walked off. From the back you cannot tell that he is elderly.
I deduct that my car has a 10 gallon gas tank because it too me $29.05 to pump 9.465 gallons and my gas hand was right above the empty line.
I have got to strive to be the best Monica I can be. I think I am a person who needs occasional validation or else I don’t see how great I really am. Yesterday was a pretty good day; store meeting: slayed them fools! Saw Shrek 4 and Donkey called Gingy a cracker! Had Sonic, got things together for the swap meet. Slept, ate, watched T.O., watched Mica Paris, put new sheet music on my musicnotes.com wish list.
The only 2 things that could have made this day better was Mike being here and a man to cuddle with as I went to sleep.
Totally forgot to report that, but I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I was at some gospel concert or a practice before a gospel concert and I was told to sing for The Pointer Sisters. I sang some gospel song they had written. The crack head one loved my voice and was something like..I’m gonna have fun with you and this song.” Weird, huh?
I deduct that my car has a 10 gallon gas tank because it too me $29.05 to pump 9.465 gallons and my gas hand was right above the empty line.
I have got to strive to be the best Monica I can be. I think I am a person who needs occasional validation or else I don’t see how great I really am. Yesterday was a pretty good day; store meeting: slayed them fools! Saw Shrek 4 and Donkey called Gingy a cracker! Had Sonic, got things together for the swap meet. Slept, ate, watched T.O., watched Mica Paris, put new sheet music on my musicnotes.com wish list.
The only 2 things that could have made this day better was Mike being here and a man to cuddle with as I went to sleep.
Totally forgot to report that, but I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I was at some gospel concert or a practice before a gospel concert and I was told to sing for The Pointer Sisters. I sang some gospel song they had written. The crack head one loved my voice and was something like..I’m gonna have fun with you and this song.” Weird, huh?
Dogs are to Slavery as...
You know I am just realizing how breeding dogs is like slavery. The puppies are taken away from their families with no say in the matter. I think dogs are pretty smart so Thor (the new puppy) has to be pretty weirded out and home sick right now. If I had animals and they bred, I couldn’t bring myself to sell away their offspring. Hence, I should not have multiple pets as I am emotionally predisposed to hoard.
I don’t know- a poem
I don’t know who you are. I don’t even know how you got here. I remember hearing about you the other day, but we ain’t cool. I don’t know what made you think we could share the same space. I don’t like what I’ve heard about you. And so far I don’t like what I see. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you staring at me? I hate having to share this mirror with you. Your stank ass attitude. Your shit all over the counter. Bowing me out of the way. I’m thinking all this to myself. But dare not would I say. You are the worst kind. A jumbled ball of frustrations and contradictions. I can see your eyes and they’re wide open, but closed to the danger. I’m scared of you and sorry to see…that in myself I see you. Because it’s another side of me.
Why is it that I am drawn to tortured souls?
Why is it that I am drawn to tortured souls? Maybe it’s because we are one in the same.
Civil War and Wildfires
Why does there need to be a civil war reenactment in Long Beach? The war wasn’t even fought out here. Weird. This wildfire business s scary. Praying for Compton Crip and Ed.
7-29-10 Quote of the day
"That woman kissed his ass so good she had shit on her lips."
~Me in regard to all of the damn emails thanking the chief judge
~Me in regard to all of the damn emails thanking the chief judge
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Happy 52nd Birthday Michael...I Love You More
"ON AUGUST 29 OF 1958 AN ANGEL WAS BROUGHT TO THIS WORLD TO HEAL IT AND TO LOVE ALL PEOPLE IN IT "
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ
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