The anniversary of the worst day of my life. I think my own death will be less painful and easier to accept. I love you Michael, always.

Quote of the day: FIFA World Cup 2010

Quote of the day:

“What’s more African than subjugating black people.”
~John Oliver (The Daily Show Correspondent) re: FIFA World Cup in South Africa

Ron Artest

6-24-10

I have been recently thinking that Ron Artest isn’t all that ugly looking. I think I know what it is now; His eyes. They have a certain brightness and he has a nice smile. Maybe he has a really cool spirit. I get a good vibe from him.

Why are people always talking about shit then saying “hide my identity ..." -mildew and dirty mop water

6-23-10

Why are people always talking about shit then saying “hide my identity cause I’m not authorized to speak publicly.” Well shut the fuck up then! Maybe they are getting paid to give details because otherwise I don’t see the point.

Cried this morning. Life sucks (eyes closed tight and fingers plugging my ears) This is not real. This is not real. This is not real. I don’t want to go to the cemetery alone, but I have to go.

How does your body smell like mildew and dirty mop water?

It’s weird. I some how feel compelled, drawn to go to a place that I know will make me sad. Here the radio goes again. Playing a bunch of Mike again. NOT GOOD!

“It ain’t for everybody.”
~Jay-Z in Hollywood

I feel deflated, life would be 65-70% over by now, and $150 fuckin dollars?

6-22-10

People who like what they do are totally blessed. Please don’t take it for granted. I feel deflated today.

I often say that I should have been born in 1961 instead of 1981 because I love all things 70’s. But if that were the case my life would be 65-70% over by now. Well, ain’t no telling my life ain’t 97% over as I type this.

I cannot wait for the next Stevie Wonder party. It felt so good.

Trying really hard to zone out today.

Has there ever been a man so loved?

Dude, so this Katherine approved fan event costs $150. WTF, it’s a recession. $150 to stay in LA? This ain’t even a destination trip. And really, the Chi-Lites (no disrespect and Genevieve Jackson (and you are...???) like what is the attraction to pay $150 for an event that lasts a couple of hours and see obscure people.

I wanna look up more information, but I’m scared. I wanna go, but I’m scared too. I don’t wanna do it alone.

Sigh… lights out. I now fade to black.

6-20-10

I was flipping through the channels (as usual) and saw a familiar image so I went back. It turned out to be that Jackson movie and it was the dude who played Mike with a real something Mike really wore outfit. Well all I saw was fro and a white button down shirt, but it’s just like the photo on the cover of that Best of Michael Jackson LP from like the mid 70’s. I don’t know if I’m gonna do so well this week. I won’t be able to avoid the media like I did last year. Whoever thought that being too broke to have the cable and internet turned back on would be a benefit to my mental and emotional health. Anyway, I hope that the cemetery will be open on Friday because I will most definitely go. Just wish I could find someone to go with.

On the way back home from Coldstone last night 102.3 played State of Shock. I had never heard that on the radio before. I bumped it too. I can now add that song to my list of Mike songs I can still listen to and be happy. Speaking of Coldstone; I got some more tonight. I think I am becoming an emotional eater out of renewed grief. I am hoping to go out Friday night to just be around people and be lifted in a positive, loving environment.

Sigh… lights out. I now fade to black.

Eyes

he has such beautiful eyes. I can get lost in them forever. They make me anxious. Like they see through to my soul and can read my mind. It's like I can't hide. I tend to fidget and turn my head when he looks at me.

Today's Special: Meatloaf

I am really starting to miss it. Taste, touch, smell. The presence. Savor it for when you don’t have it a day seems like a life time.

I am tempted to buy some of Sananda’s CD’s in MP3 form from his website. That damn euro/dollar conversion. That CD gonna be $20 US. But I really feel the need to fellowship with I’m. I think music is my significant other.

Whatever happened to Rose Jackson? OMG, she hasn’t worked in 10 years. Last thing she did was in 2000 according to IMDB.

Monica (noun): the definition of me

Monica (noun)-Name for a strong, highly intelligent and witty woman who has indescribable yet magnetic sex appeal. Often appears bookish, hides an intensity that once displayed, draws you like a moth to the flame. Loyal and trustworthy friend. Most frequently has hypnotic eyes and a great smile that is used to laugh at life.

A Beautiful Mind

I find myself wanting to touch you. Engage you in conversations that make my mind race. I find myself looking into your eyes and breathing in every word you say. Something inside me makes me touch you; if only the touch of the hand. A pat on the shoulder. I daydream. Of you interaction. Soft and firm. An embrace. A caress. So simple. So sweet. I imagine us under the influence and more free to say. To be. Who we are and what we feel. I feel your fingers on the small of my back. I feel your hear beat encounter with mine. The torturous, wonderful sensation of being in love with someone’s mind.

I like the way Prince’s music makes me feel. Especially the darker more out there stuff. Primal.

Beautiful Monster

I am feeling that Beautiful Monster song by Neyo, but I know it’s because it is very very Mike inspired. Eve down to the Ah’s after phrases. Killa is going to have a hearing at the criminal courts building today. I hope, wish, and pray him death in the most torturous way; to his body and soul.

Hollywood Forever Cemetery and Left Over Prince Residue

Went to see Beetle Juice at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. It was hella chill. We were way closer to the graves than I expected. But I guess I need to face the fact that death is inevitable and deal with it. The crowd is very hippie-ish. You can bring food and DRANK and be merry. A lot of the graves had black marble tombstones with pictures of the deceased etched into them. Eerie with lots of Russian looking writing. DJ Carlos Nino was off the chain. He played a lot of psychedelic 60’s music and now I have a name to that drum playing from the They Don’t Really Care About Us video…Brazilian Batucada. And when you hear it outside of that context it is so freakin sweet and infectious. Really tryin to get t Brazil for the 2016 Olympics now. He even played Darling Nikki. Ahhhhhhh! I was in the zone…maybe a little Prince residue left over from Friday night. I will definitely go again when there’s a movie playing that I want to see.

MJ V Prince Party at the Echoplex

6-12-10

Last night was super fun. It was so beautiful to see all of the people freely dancing. The Echoplex is a nice venue. Not Hollywood pretentious. I was so hot. I hadn’t sweated that hard since undergrad parties in the student union. I got a T-Shirt made of Young Mike. Saw what looked like a drug deal in the works… Until we hit the corner. The dude then turned away from the person who was sitting on the ground and looked suspicious; all silent w/ his hand sin his pocket. The person looked like a homeless crack head.

Patronized a taco truck. Wasn’t bad.

-BACK TO THE ECHOPLEX-
The DJ started Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough and played the beginning part like 5 times. He’d let it build to OOOHH and then restart it with “you know I was wondering if you could keep on” and Man we lost out minds each time he did it, It felt damn near spiritual. He also played Tell Me I’m Not Dreaming and Jump by Kriss Kross. It was damn near 1:30am when I said “Hey, they haven’t played Dancing Machine and as soon as I finished my statement they played it. To Top It Off they played my best remixes version of SHAKEABADADOWN. I did the little finger pointing choreography. It was awesome! I need to feel that happy and free again really soon.

If you don't know...

If you don’t know about my love for Michael then you don’t know me at all. Because to love him is to be myself. I can’t not love him God ordained me to do so. It is my nature. It is a part of my destiny.

I am listening to the Good Times. First time in like forever. It fell on my mind last night. Going to an MJ v. Prince party tonight. I hope its fun.

6-11-10 Damn BP

Oh my lord. Watching the news and the Mayor of Grand Isle, LA pleaded with the government or some entity for help for his town. He said he has had to feed some of his residents at his home because the oil has killed their livelihoods/income. This is so bad, damn BP!

Daily MJ News

Keep reading in my daily MJ news via yahoo emails that they are supposed to open up Forest Lawn on the 25th for fans to pay their respects. Been reading that Randy was working on that and Humphrey Bogart or some old ass white dead actor’s family was hating like the little bitches they are trying to complain and block the allowance.
To quote Samuel L. Jackson on Coming to America “Fuck You!”

6-10-10 Stuff

Why the old red head white lady jump me in line this morning? We were about walking neck and neck to the bus stop, but I pulled ahead. I got to the line (we were coming from the same direction) and turned around to face front…she just stepped right into the space between me and the man in front of me. I was the third person in line so NOW being 4th wasn’t going to kill me. HOW RUDE (in Stephanie Tanner voice).

I feel so weird leaving the house for work with just my purse. Why is one black lady with the Coretta hair always the very last person to get on the bus? And I mean she just barely be making it everyday.

Oh hell naw. On August 11th Steve Stevens is going to be at Pechanga with Billy Idol. OMG Lauryn Hill’s gonna be at Rock The Bells

Have you ever been attracted to someone’s mind? I am. They could possibly have a sleaze factor though.

Ooh another thing from the Diana Ross concert last night…during one of the fast songs the guitarist played Billie Jean.

American Apparel Ad-Caliente!

DAAAMMMNNNNNNN! Either this pic is lesbian inducing or im going out to buy blue see through drawers. This is the current american apparel ad on the back of the la weekly

And some more stuff about the concert...

I like her live version of I Will Survive better than any time Gloria Gaynor has ever sang it. She announced she has a grandbaby and that is what she didn't tour last year. Don't know if it's the first or just a new one.I now like the It's My House and I Live Here song. Love Child hits hard. She needs to add Muscles. Maybe that is a bit too sexual for her in her geriatric age. She made jokes about how two of the horn players were too young for her when she was introducing them. I do get that grandma vibe from her. She told the audience to sit down now and I kinda felt like...yes ma'am.

Shakeabadadown and Miss Diana Ross the Mothafuckin Goddamn Boss!

6-9-10

Today has been a blessing. I watched Shakeabadadown videos on YouTube and didn’t cry. I had an upset coworker who sings Shakeabadadown because of my influence so I decided to show her some videos to cheer her up. It felt so good. God is Awesome! Like, I forgot how great I felt when watching him before. I’m so glad she was upset or I wouldn’t have watched them. I was just singing and dancing in my seat with 89% abandonment.

I really need to go out and drank and bounce up on some fine ass men to get my mind right. I am really into escapism lately. Tryin' to find that altered state where shit ain’t so heavy.

I have another colleague who is singing Shakeabadadown and even decided to start watching MJ videos. I have really enjoyed spreading the love today. MJTTDIDAB


Ok, Miss Diana Ross the Mothafuckin Goddamn Boss! (it was that tight I had to cuss 2 times in a row to illustrate the magnitude of the tightness) Man, that lady is so baaadddddd! You know she came up out of the stage with that hair and a big lime green dress on. Sang some songs. Sounding Good, Looking Good. Then she took the lime green thing off and had on a black/silver sequined dress. Then we had a wardrobe change into red sequin. The red cover up got taken off to show a red dress. Then we had a wardrobe change to blue sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into a pink poofy frilly cute ass number. Then we had a wardrobe change into GOLD sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into an off white champagne sequin. Then we had a wardrobe change into a white silvery sequin.

She sounded just as good as when I saw her 2 years ago at the Gibson. The audience was hella hype. It was nice to see all kinds of people, all different ages. I love seeing beautiful things like that…another reason I am glad I live in LA. Just so cute. PowerPoint’s are in these days. She had a lot of kewl beauty shot/video footage going. And shit was just sparking and shining and there were flowers and all kinds of eye candy going on. I got choked up at the beginning of the show because I knew the inevitable was coming. She sang some song about yesteryear or something and had a slideshow of Motown artists and I knew his picture was coming. And as I expected I cried later on in the night. Worked really hard to keep the tears from falling, but to no avail. At the end she said a few words and then sang I’m Missing You and said he children were in the audience in which people got all antsy in their seats like they wanted the children’s autographs. Leave the damn children alone. She then sang You Are Not Alone. So sweet. There were 3 pictures that they showed. Photo from the BAD photo shoot. Photo from what looked like it could have been The Chase commercial and then one of their photos together from that early 80’s photo shoot in black and white. I know I was just saying how awesome God is but I also question how could there be and who pissed it off if something, someone so everything to me could be taken away. Me and God got a relationship like that. If I can’t question it mind to mind then who. Today has been an emotional day. One of ups and downs and all for the same reason…LOVE.

This may become my mantra:
I love you more than all of the words I have ever spoken and wrote and all of the actions I have ever taken can show