Shit for today

12-30-09
Day 3 of going to the gym. Don’t do yoga when your muscles are already aching from working out. It’s a tad more difficult.

92.3 have a Favorite 500 Songs of All Time and DSTYGE is #1. I don’t think it would have been if he hadn’t passed.

I don’t think I’d know who Frankie Beverly was w/o that hat on.

I learned that Ozzy Osborne snorted ants and lapped up some dude’s pee in a Jack Ass-like yuck off with another band. Why ain’t he dead? It’s a couple of people who by all historical; accounts and measures should have croaked out of sheer triflentness.

What is the real deal with Fox vs. Time Warner?

I find that 97% of the time it doesn’t matter what the words to a song are…as long as the melody moves you.

HEY! They are playing the theme song from Bosom Buddies! I loved that show. Tom hanks is alright with me. Hopefully he’s not an undercover racist or pervert or nothing.

End of the Year Concert Roundup:
Amel Larrieux
Bilal, Musiq
Patti Labelle
Chaka Khan
Boyz II Men
Stevie Wonder, India Arie, Robin Thicke, Mary Mary, and Ledisi

Thriller got put in the US Film Registry. It had been submitted multiple times in the past, but it always got shut out. Another example of people being fuckwads and only doing shit when it seems fit and not out of genuine appreciation.

Maybe there was a breakthrough

12-29-09

The Point of it All by Anthony Hamilton is a nice song. Hadn’t really listened to it.

This 2nd Whitney song doesn’t sound bad…ON THE RADIO. It wasn’t that great live on Dancing with the Stars. What song did they sample?

Jimmy Cozier sounds like the dude who sings What You Won’t Do For Love.

Why did everybody have a train song in the 70’s? Love Train, Friendship Train, Disco Express. They were all about them locomotives.

I need a 3rd job.

The name Gladys Knight at a quick blurry glance looks like Guiding Light.

Can Freakazoid come over?!

The music to What Do You Like by Da Brat and Get It On Tonight by Montell Jordan are the same or very similar.

Melanie Fiona sounds like Vivian Green on this new song.

This occurs from time to time, but people always be thinking I look like other people. Jody Watley, Lauryn Hill, Rah Digga, some chicks at the club’s friend from New York.

My thighs hurt. That elliptical whupped my ass yesterday. I am going to try going to the gym 3 more times this week since it’s free.

Sigh…you ever have thing son your mind, but nothing specific to say?

I do feel like doodling though.
I Don’t Want To Lose Your Love was originally done by some ladies that sounds like the Emotions or the Emotions. I like the B Angie B version better.

Just in case you didn’t know…Pauly D and Ronnie from Jersey Shore can get it. My favorite Guidos.

Went to play my lottery and the store radio system was playing Off The Wall from the Live Album. As I was leaving the song ended and it went into the next song. The store clerk said it was something called Pandora’s box-a satellite/internet radio thingy. I got upset. I tend to do this nervous tick, fidgeting, shake my arms and flex my fingertips thing when I am trying to stave off the urge to break down.

You know, I think something went wrong. I don’t think it was supposed to get that small. Something went wrong and with very little to work with….that’s just what happened.

If only I could find a like (not even asking for a love) like what I am writing in my book. Maybe this should be a series of short stories.

Maybe there was a breakthrough.

Wow, Anthony Hamilton is the current day Otis Redding.

Quote of the day: 12-28-09

Quote of the day: Shut up and eat yo big ass biscuit
~Euripides Smalls on CB4

Places I want to go:

Montreaux Jazz festival
Brazil for the 2012 Olympics
Somewhere in the Caribbean
Toronto
Seattle San Francisco
Paris
London
Egypt
Tokyo
Spain, Greece, and Italy on an extended cruise.

So, what today brought

Damn you Roseanne Connor! I got tangled up in your web of funny and was up waaaay past my bedtime. Last night was like the worst seep I have gotten in like 6 months. I was hot, uncomfy, and I don’t think I ever really went to sleep. I just nodded for a couple of hours.

Watched the History of Sex on The History Channel. Ewww, white folks is nasty! And I now know where the term sadomasochist comes from. It’s bad when terms like that are named after actual people due to their perverse escapades and beliefs.

The vocal delivery of Living for the City us crazy. I love it!

Who was that that was upset by Mario’s large nostrils?

Alright…a good start to a day is when you hear Living for the City and Thuggish Ruggish Bone in one morning. Hell Yeah! God if time doesn’t fly. Bone came out in 1994. Shit, that was 15 years ago. Whatever happened to Tasha?

My face Janet Songs:
Come Back To Me
Alright
24 Play
All Nite
So Much Betta
I Get So Lonely

Where is Outkast? Andre Benjamin 3000 Lackadaisical Jones, where you be?

Can’t wait til March so I can go see Boyz II Men again. Damn, ain’t no concerts coming next month.

Being in California and hearing those 1996 Westside Connection songs makes them less appealing. Like, maybe West Coast Music is more appealing from afar.

Where is Adina Howard? Where is Dave Hollister…outside of the Steve Harvey Morning Show theme song.

Oooh ooohh oooh oooh Bullshit! So on KJLH there is a little recorded thingy from Janet saying Happy Holidays from my family to yours and then they played THIS IS IT. Hence, why I am listening to some Black Eyed peas sounding shit. Speaking of, that Im’a Be song starts off hella crunk then goes straight Jamiroquai.

Kewl, 3 Stevie songs on the radio so far this morning. Learned something: Stevie Wonder won an Oscar for I Just Called To Say I Love You. Ooh, his music got banned in South Africa for giving a shout out to Mandela during the acceptance speech. DAMN!

God, I don’t want to be at work… ever!

Stars and the Moon makes me feel like singing an dancing and twirling all happy like. Something in the mannerism I feel compelled to do reminds me of Mike. All Charlie Chaplin like.

You can be a bad motha (shut yo mouth), but I really don’t think I’d want a lawyer named Zulu Ali representing me in a court of law.

I sure wouldn’t mind a stiff one

That Black Magic song by Santana sounds very very mui caliente and sexy.
Ha, Dominos is crazy. Their new slogan for changing their pizza recipe is: Oh Yes We Did

I Love You

I Love You I Love You I Love You
(with tears streaming dowm my face) and asking God why. Like seriously why? Can you descend down from heaven or wherever it is you be and talk to me. I need an explanation.

What's the significance of this phrase

"The son of a former slave" Millions of black men are/were sons of former slaves.

My realization for today

I think what makes this funk all the more deep and unbearable is that the place I usually go to get away from it all is the main source of my despair. So, I really have no place to go to get away from it all. I am imploding under the mental, emotional, and spiritual pressure.

saddest lyric I ever heard

daddy couldn't read, daddy couldn't write, but one thing daddy sure could do right was swear I declare.

~Daddy could swear I declare by Gladys Knight and The Pips

revelation of the day

the rasp in Brandy and Jazmine Sullivan's voices are similar to me. They can cover the same songs with similar effect.

damn damn damn

why the little terrorist dude have to be a black dude. Damn!

The Soup and Joel McHale

The funniest shit in a while.

I knew I forgot something

I dont see how people sing while drunk, high, or after a night of partying. My voice be shot!

Merry Christmas and all that crap

Merry Christmas and all that crap. It’s been 6 months. Things are better, but will never be ok. And CNN has to be running the Brothers’ interview and VH1 is showing that long ass movie. I feel alone, and antsy. I am very unhappy with things and am really feeling the need to shake things up…I feel like I am dying; drowning in mediocrity.

Diamonds on your toes?

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Bell Biv Devoe is going on tour. Thanks Mom for watching the Monique Show or I never would have known.

Saw 2 giant cockroaches. I don’t think I want to ever get anything to eat at The Los Angeles Mall because they are always outside of it, which means they are probably inside too.

Early mornings in LA are sometimes beautiful. I was asleep on the bus and awoke on the 170/101 and things just looked so pretty in the golden morning sun. Damn, I’ve been 28 for two months and what a sucky two months it has been.

Getting back into TV in a small market is looking like less of an option for me. I can’t move to a wack ass town after living in LA. Even though I complain about my life here I am able to do some real cool shit.

70’s Soul/Disco upbeats songs are great in the morning. Hold on by Enchantment. Rock Steady by Aretha. Get yo mojo workin.

Morris Day, why do you have a couple of diamonds on your toes?

I hate to hear some people talk about stuff cuz

it's total BS. They just be talking to be heard. Dramatic!

A mole, a rat fake is in the making.

12-23-09

I have been cold since I left home this morning. There was no heat on the bus! Something new this morning, there are people on roofs.

Yo, happened upon footage of Ashanti singing Home from The Wiz. Damn, she can actually sing. She did very well. Darren was right; I guess it does depend on the material. Tichina Arnold played Evilene and the guy who plays the scarecrow is gay as a trollop through a field of daisies. I wish I would have been on the east coast to catch that.

I loves the live version of If I Was Your Girlfriend by Prince and Miles Davis. Why is it that every artistic fuckin genius got major issues?

I have got to stop making myself laugh. I was waling down the ramp to the copier and started walking all music video aggressive like Janet on Scream or something.

When people ask you stuff or make statements like, “it’s a little late for lunch isn’t it?” I detect…don’t trust her. That is a loaded statement. A mole, a rat fake is in the making.

My friend is a Comedic Genius

Jermaine doesn't look like a melting baby doll's ass in this video
~Marcus in regard to


We concur, he now has a clay face. A wet terra cotta red clay face.

Quote of the day 12-22-09

Quote of the day:

I want the Bee Gees hear this shit.

~ One of The Jacksons on the demo version of Shakeabadadown

Junebug, Charlie Wilson and Dirty Fingernails

12-22-09

The Steve Harvey Morning Show minus Steve Harvey ain’t bad. The Brown Liquor song of the day is on point! Feel The Fire by Stephanie Mills and Teddy P. I wonder if dude really interacted with Superhead. With this song, I can see how you can embellish, but not lose the melody. Don’t do a Liza Minelli and fuck up the melody to YANAL so bad that you don’t catch what the song is until well into the chorus.

Gone Johnny Gill! Give Love On Christmas Day Damn It! That boy can sang! When he enters that gravely voice he sounds like a monster.
OMG! This character Oatmeal is killing me. Where is he from? Oh hell naw, he getting lights put on his grill to get into the holiday spirit. And he got a reef (not wreath) on his 72 Nova.

Best song Timbaland ever had anything to do with…Sexy Back. I love that damn song. My forever party songs are Back That Ass Up, Sexy Back, Milkshake, and Lap Dance.

I think I’m gonna take myself on a self date before the New Year. I think a morning at the movies to see The Morgans and Sherlock Holmes.

Good dude TV Name:
Brock Malone. He could be a cop or something.
People who don’t believe in a higher power bother me. You gotta believe in some kind of God.


You ever wanna ask a dude, why your fingernails so dirty? Wasn’t that line in a movie? Boys in the Hood, Menace II Society, Poetic Justice, something.

Junebug from I’m Gonna Get You Suck would be a great Halloween costume. Damn, did Charlie Wilson song the theme song to that movie?

More bug-eyed, British smoky smelling Steve Buschemi just came to my window. Can you take your picture for your driver’s license w/o a shirt?

I feel like Prince right now. Has a calming, lethargic affect. Then you get all hyped up…all in the same song. I’d love to experience love like Beautiful Ones.

Would you, could you love me 2 the 9’s?
~Prince and the NPG

MJTTDIDAB

12-21-09

Damn Sinbad! 8 Million?! I’m praying for you brotha. You ain’t paid nary a tax in like a decade or something? Just don’t end up like Wesley Snipes.

New Acronym:
MJTTDIDAB
MJ Til The Day I Die And Beyond

I am really not excited about the holidays.

Big thank you shout out to those who check in on me and care enough and know me well enough to be like…No, how are you really doing?

Why is Timbaland trying to sing? He about to get wack like Puffy. Do you ever remember remnants of a dream , but can’t recall specifics. Just that you don’t feel right.

It’s officially Christmas. KJLH is playing Silent Night by the Temptations. That song always makes me cry. I wonder if it does that to anyone else?

Thank You Jesus n Nem for getting me crunk and happy on the inside at 8:36am. Chamone!

I have witnessed a true kissing of ass. I have never liked a supervisor or manager well enough to get them a gift. The thought has never crossed my mind.

Just saw some weird pigeon behavior. A big group flew to a building, landed, and as soon as, they landed select ones flew off, busted auk, and flew back to the building. And this happened like 3 times before they finally decided to sit they asses down.

Just reading the Wikipedia info on Shingon Buddhism because of my want to visit the temple on 1st in Koreatown and it sounds boring. There has to be more to it that all of these hard Japanese words.

Who was Dorothy Chandler and why does she have a pavilion?

I bet Dan Akroyd did drugs. Errbody else did!

I need to find a warm spot in this building. I have been chilly all day. The last time I was warm was when I was getting ready for work. Ooh, go to work 40 minutes early. Think its because the cheerin are out of school for xmas.

Niteline wouldn’t have fit in the finished Thriller album nowhere. I wonder what theta original track list they had together sounded like.

Gosh, I’m sleepy. My eyes feel dry, burny, and itchy all in one.

Oh God Don’t cry! Gonna listen to THIS IS IT to see if I can hear the similarities to Bless His Soul. This posthumous shit still bothers me. Many times wanna do it in the hall???

Flat mid calf boots are cool, but with the tight skinny jeans on chicks walking down the street look like super heroes at the legs.

Fave Mike Hair Dos:
1. The bob from 1995
2. The Dry Curl from like 1980-81

You Can Get The Finger-The Middle

12-18-2009

OOOHH, just remembered. In that Rolling Stone book there’s a pic of Mike on the Scream set giving the middle finger. When I saw that I said…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…out loud.

Broadway by George Benson feels so good. Triumphant. I can just ride this song forever. I like the determined nature of the song, the energy. I am still thinking about the Before He Was King book and now DSTYGE is on. I feel a slight nervousness. I love the end when he makes those gasping breath noises. Those photos are just so magical to me. It’s the culminating of greatness, in a view of just The Dude. I just have to wiggle when I think about it. Can I just say I like that dry curl again.

Question: Is it a freak of nature when a person can sniff and their nose touches their top lip without the effort really curling that lip up?

I love Mike’s early dry curl.

A bitch is pissed the fuck off this morning. Half-assed managing is something I cannot tolerate!

Mrs. Fields really ain’t worth the money you spend for them. Those Oatmeal Peanut Butter Scotchies are gooder than a mug though.

So I decided I would try because I couldn’t fight it. I would do it so good I’d have him making me pancakes in the morning.
~ One Night Stand by Jazmine Sullivan

Singing is hard.

Made 2 impulse purchases tonight. The Waldenbooks is closing. I have acquired Michael by the editors of Rolling Stone and Michael Jackson Before He Was King by Todd Gray. The Todd Gray book is exceptional in that it’s all black Mike and I can totally block out the other stuff. Such beauty. And this dude may be responsible for Tessa’s favorite Mike picture. These are really candid behind the scenes photos. Funny Todd recalls Mike ordering 2 of each photo from a shoot and Todd says aloud…that’s 144 (or something to that affect) and Mike replies…Yea, I can count. I was rolling! 1979-1983…those were the days. What I liked most was that Todd didn’t have nary a negative thing to say and didn’t even mention the thereafter. That book came from a good place. Im’a look through it again. Turns out Magic Johnson rolled with them about the whole Triumph Tour and Jackie cheated. He had on tennis shoes on stage! Mickey Mouse costumes look scary close up. Dan Akroyd’s in the book too. TK Carter’s in the background on one picture full of folks. What I like about this book is that it’s full of black folks. Just beautiful. Thanks Todd Gray. I love Mike’s early dry curl.

YES I AM

Was on my way to Whole Foods to get some vocal-eze at the suggestion of my vocal coach for scratchiness. I said, don’t go over there, but some how the ay I took to get to Sherman Oaks too me past Hayvenhurst. Recognizing that made me realize that I do exist. I take up space in this universe. I have mass therefore I am. I kinda feel like an apparition sometimes. Turning down the street would have been a bitch ass move though. I still can’t believe you can catch the bus to their house and walk to fast food joints from there if you wanted to. Do you ever feel out of place? I just did at this ritzy ass Whole Foods with Escalades all across the lot. Shit, my car is missing a hub cap. They didn’t have vocal-eze. Asked an associate about it and he asked if I were a singer. I hesitated then said Yes I Am.

December 15th

You know, I'm not used to seeing Mike be rusty. THIS IS IT was pretty rusty. He never lets us see him rusty. I need to take a dance class. I miss motion.

I'm sad, perpetually. Rarely am I genuinely happy. People ask how I am and I say, Can't complain. But that's just a cover for the fact that I hate my life and am fighting back tears 67% of the time.

December 24th- Luckly Living and 1977

12-14-09

Looking out across the downtown skyline and thinking those of you who are enjoying whatever it is that you do for a living are lucky. Blessed is more like it. Never take it fro granted. The Mike in my book is from 1977. I like that one. That’s what year it’ll be.

Stevie Wonder’s House of Toys was AWESOME!

I did not let James Brown happen again! Stevie got Pipes! I just went by myself. Ledisi, India Arie, Robin Thicke, Mary Mary and Mosaic were really good. And the super surprise of the night…MICHELE! Yes! She is just so cute and a very dynamic performer. I love the faces she makes. She is so animated and seems really humble. And girl can blow.
Robin Thicke sounded really good. He is pasty and was trying to be sexy. He sweats a lot. He was talking about how all of the kids were screaming for the Jonas Bros and said he is a Jonas Uncle. His rhythm is a bit askew. The beat is in his knees. His knees move on the beat and then his feet follow like 3 milliseconds later. The foot comes down on the beat, not the knee. Why was I on the verge of tears for like half of India Arie’s set? Ledisi was flawless. Ricky Minor was there. Stevie’s daughter Iesha has such a beautiful voice. It’s classic. The way she carries herself is classic like old school Toni Braxton meets Lisa Fischer. Mosaic was an acapella group. They sang Wanna Be Startin Something. Stevie sang I Can’t Help It…and I didn’t break down. I have really avoided that sing. It hurts really bad. Mary Mary had just came back from singing at Tyler Perry’s moms’ funeral. Ledisi had popped in from a prior engagement and rushed off. But them two songs were firah! Stevie sang I Love You More with Kimberly Brewer. That is like the best Christmas song in 20 years. That song is so pure and good and beautiful. I find simple things cool, but Stevie and I do the same mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum vocal exercise. SWEET! I’m really trying to practice now.

He also made a joke about putting his foot up (don’t quote me now) his son’s ass for messing up the words to his song. They were singing Ribbon In The Sky. The son can sing, but sounds amateurish. It was beautiful to see them interact like that. I hope Stevie is a Really great dad. We don’t have enough of that these days. He had a total of 5 kids on stage at some point during the night. If I am on LA next year, I am so like totally going again. Sucks Charlie Wilson didn’t show. I wonder what happened. The Jonas Bros weren’t even all that bad. The music was way too loud and distorted and inaudible most of the time. The youngest looking one has a nice voice from what I could hear. Wonder what will happen when it changes. They sang Superstition with Stevie. He put that synthesizer Voice Box on the piano and got it all funky. He also sang Ave Maria in Italian….NICE!

December 12th at the Grammy Museum

The Grammy Museum:
At the Grammy Museum the Mike Exhibit was nice and expanded. There was a listening booth where you could watch videos like Dirty Diana, the sped up version of Smooth Criminal, You Are Not Alone, and Black or White, minus the best part-the tantrum. They had stations that you watch videos on with headphones. I watched the Jacksons rap the nominations for the 1977 Best Female R&B category. I thin 1977 Mike is the one in my imaginary friend day dreams/book. I saw them sing some nominations for 1974. Nice little black suits. I watched Live from Bucharest. They were in Working Day & Night and I always get a kick out of Mike hitting Siedah on the butt. They shortened the end of Man in the Mirror so you didn’t see the possible stuntman change over for the rocket man launch. The 1984 Grammy’s were cool. Janet, Rebbie, and LaToya were so cute. All relatively short. Mike kept giving shout outs to the girls up top in the balcony. Such cute eyes. He was so happy. He beamed. Didn’t know he gave recognition to Jackie Wilson on one of those acceptances. Jackie had recently. The light up floor from Billie Jean is pre-lit so you didn’t really activate it. They had sheet music up from We Are The World and the memorial program. There was a typo on the Mike musical timeline. It said he was born in 1959! How can you make such a colossal mistake?! They didn’t give that no cameras disclaimer and no employees were around so I snapped away. He has half the 4th floor and Neil Diamond now has an exhibit where his stuff used to be on the 3rd. I am trying to remember where on Victory Tour that he wore a blazer. There is a sequined blazer on display that says it was worn on Victory Tour, but I just haven’t seen a picture or video of him in a blazer yet.

December 12th-Jovanni at the club, Saltation, and a No Hot Water Day

12-12-09

Shanice and Tasha Scott from Xscape can do similar runs. They create a very similar sound.

So is today NO HOT WATER DAY? I have tried on 2 occasions to wash my ass in foreign places, but to no avail. I forgot my moisturizer too. Now I bet everyone will be done left the xmas party by the time I get off. And that eaves in a lurch because I’ll need to refresh before going to the concert…if I go.

If I go to another wack ass club in LA! Seven Lounge…a total 760 from the last time I went. The DJ wasn’t keeping It live. Oronde got macked on by Jovanni Jackson. Aunt Beulah from 1994 was there. The bathroom was out of order. We almost got mowed down by a car. The best thing about the night was watching an episode of Fat Albert at the club that we could not hear because of the music and going to Two Boots. I really like the Angeleano Heights/Echo Park area. Feels urban.

Rock Me Rock Me Rock Me Sexy Jesus!

I am not motivated to work today.

Ooh, yeah. And I forgot my damn hair brush. My eyes hurt.

Ooh, like 2 days ago I saw the Moonwalker book at Wal-Mart for $17.34. I read the afterword by some person who helped Mike and Jackie O in writing the book. It was pretty ok. Not negative. Just a re-telling of the time they spent together. The new foreword is by Berry Gordy. Why? I just still feel some saltation with that dude.

Heard about a real like Will & Grace. They had a baby and got married and now allow Will’s boyfriend Vince to be a part of the big happy family. Interesting.

Damn Stevie songs are all over the radio. Is God trying to tell me something? Who is the little homeless/maid looking lady who starts Downtown on Little Shop of Horrors? She had such a beautiful voice.

How can such a happy, joyous feeling spiral into the deepest depths of sorrow?

December 11th- Home and girl v. boy

12-11-09

People who can go home to a family home. A home that has been the meeting spot for decades. Those who have relative stability are blessed.

The rain is pretty. It’s almost like a mist.

Why do people always obsess over people singing the appropriate sex in songs? If the song says girl I sing girl. It’s just a word

December 10th-Major Reasons and Star Crunch

12-10-09

My chin looks like a damn star crunch!

I hate the freaking lip trill! It’s my voice lesson nemesis.

Something is amiss.

Something that brings me great joy: making sure people know that I AM NOT from here. Old Vietnam veteran from chi-town rolled up on me like “you dressed like its snow on the ground.” I told him it was cold where I was going. He was like I’m from Chicago. I was like I’m from St. Louis. He was like well you know what I’m talking bout then. I appreciate people speaking.

You know how you know when a Black person ain’t from LA…when they speak to another black person. You know, it’s like LA ain’t the real world. Like this is some kid of weird self-contained dome of jaded sin. Homelessness is so real out here. I’ve been homeless myself, but the stigma of it out here permeates my heart. There are just so many.

You know, I am almost…well I am at the point where I don’t know why I’m sad. I fully recognize two MAJOR reasons why, but this sadness is thick, murky, like tar-ridden quick sand.

sadness descends- I Miss You

I love you Michael, so much.

The Mountains and I Agree with the South Africans

The Mountains are all snow capped. Head for the mountains of Busch Beer. Sellouts!



You know, I get my directions mixed up on the 9th floor. I be thinking I'm pointing north , but in all actuality I am pointing East.

Feeling sad. Brain damage with a side of amnesia would be great right now because I wouldn't remember . You said Think Happy;That's the only way to be. But that shit is hard in the wake of the happening.

Damn the last heavy set woman to be really successful in Hollywood (outside of Monique) was Roseanne. Guess we only get one every 20 years.

I agree with the South Africans. I don't want Jennifer Hudson to play Winnie Mandela either. Did anyone else see that no Oscar deserving, amateur performance in Dreamgirls? She ain't ready. Eddie should have won an Oscar that night.

I have scary deep eyes.

I hate that Levi's commercial with the dude repeating the word Pioneers.

Red Brick-A Poem

I wanna be a red brick. Serves as the close companion to a limestone foundation. The brick that is the heart of a historic cobble stone street. The brick bad ass adolescents throw through your window. Or the one who in violence meets your cheek. Yeah, a red brick. Solid at its core. A red brick that makes up the curb at Davis and McLemore. A solid red brick. Not the ones with the two holes in it. One vacant lots, holding up a bed with no rails. The walls of a hearth for the homeless to dwell. Yeah, I really wanna be a red brick. Buried deep in a landfill, not this California stucco shit. I'm real. The one who saved the third pig, I am significant. I am of this Earth yet made by man. I am...a red brick.

Idea

someone should make a modern old fashioned musical movie

Dec 8th- I Love Learning By Accident!!!! I want to squeal

My bionic Michael Jackson sense picked up on something that looked like Smooth Criminal on a TV playing in the background of that Jennifer Lopez Movie Shall We Dance and guess what....Smooth Criminal

THEN, I saw a related video and found this. Check out those silhouettes at 5 minutes! Makes me wanna take out my tap shoes

My Xmas list of things no one will buy for me

1. Thriller Purse from the Mike Bravado website
2. City of Men on DVD
3. Clinique facial regimen #1
4. Another season or two of Frazier (7-the end)
5. Fred Astaire DVD Collection

I absolutely love my new shoes...and other stuff on Dec 7th

What's a good drenching facial moisturizer with SPF protection? Damn this dry skin!

So why was that white lady following Usher around for that whole episode of Extreme Home Makeover? She was on him like white on rice. She is in his preferred age group, but I sure hope he doesn't go white. He grew into his head. That's good. cause some people don't grow into their features.

Oh this is some bullshit. Can't get through to anyone at the dog license place to ask 2 questions. Then the one place I can afford to go to for an eye exam only has openings when I a at work. God!

What generation has NOT lived in turbulent times?

I miss Tupac. Really cool that Changes is on the Vatican play list

I don't know what to do. I am really not feeling this Etta James song.

Maxwell's looks are waning. He looks rough. Starting to remind of of Rick Foxx or Vincent from Beauty and the Beast.

I really don't like this one bald black dude who rides the bus. He just looks so stoned faced and is very uninviting if you have to sit with him. I just happen to be sitting behind him today. I hope the overhead light I have on is bothering him. muhahahahahahah!

Quote of the day

"I was tryin to be in the video."
~Ty on that episode of the Fresh Prince when they rented the mansion out for that Bell Biv Devoe video and the furniture got rained on.

12-4-09

I hate when I think of something cool and is too lazy to write it down. I thought of something in bed last night and was like...I'll remember and write it down in the morning. Now all i remember is that I forgot whatever it is that I thought of last night. Why do I...from time to time...dream about sleeping on the bus and missing my stop or some weird thing happening when i am asleep on the bus?

Interesting thought. LA is hilly and I bet a lot of building are built at an angle instead of the architect constructing a flat base before laying the foundation. I really have to go on an outing one of these fay. i want to go to the Buddhist Temple. I had forgot about it. The Fashion District is a must.

The most beautiful building downtown is City Hall. I love the Art Deco design. I would love for that to be the theme for my wedding and the reception would mimic Sugar Ray's on Harlem Nights. Ooh, that would be so sexy. Although I like Art Deco it sometimes feels cold to me. Maybe because of the squares and marble.

I didn't know that Curtis Blow became a pastor. Who next LL? All of the old school rappers from Def Jam are all off into the Lord these days. as Curtis Blow on Def Jam or am I mixing it up with Crush Groove?

Reflection: was watching VH1's Top Rap Song and Melle Mel really juiced himself up with Roids. I had no clue that he was the main rapper on The Message. He just looks so different. Their clothes were really gay...but all musical acts were glamming it up with shingles, leather, sequence, and curls in the 80's.

The Lost Symbol

Finished reading The Lost Symbol.. It was really good. Really makes you think. I don't agree with the POV about the forefathers of the USA. They were racist, slave-owning, power hungry, syphilis giving, evil people. I don't claim them. The only thing cool about them is money and getting off work/school. I guess for white people they are forefathers. Not for me. You can spout this United Stated of America shit, but it's not united; not even today. Many of the same atrocities exist, but have morphed and are not as openly executed as they were.

12-3-09

I jut bit into an apple that tastes like a cucumber.

Do you ever wan to just drink water and let it spill down your neck all ravaged by thirst-like?

Watched an interview with Marsha from Floetry. She is really interesting looking. I like her throw back hairstyle. I wish my hair was think enough to do that. Her explanation about why Floetry broke up was murky, but oh well. She lost some weight. She has a really awesome goal: She wants to be Quincy Jones.

I think I just heard Stevie Wonder sing "Jackson 5 sing one more gin" on You Haven't Done Nothing. Possible the oldest thing I have ever heard or seen where someone uses that phrase. Guess it didn't start with the 1990's Floria rappers.

12-2-09

I have white and red striped gloves on. My fingers look like wormy from sesame street. That zapp & Roger episode of Unsung haunts me. I had no clue they were from Ohio. I just called all of that electronic sounding music from the 80's California Music. Gotta try to like it more now that I know they are from the Mid West.

Mike song of the day: Leave Me Alone
I have been singing that today. I hated that damn crown fro.

Man, I hope the dog is ok and doesn't have an expensive vet bill.

????why do we perpetuate silly shit as a nation? Why do we make a big deal out of shit that ain't our business. There are more important things to worry about (unemloyment, H1N1, saving whales and shit) not someone's person issues. This is just silly, but maybe now they'll treat him black and strip away all of his endorsements. That's what you get for being cablasian:(

Baby Farts McGezak! HAAAAAAA!

December 1st

As of last night I started feeling like a loser...a hopeless failure. What is is going to take for a fire to be lit under my ass?

Today: 11-30-09

11-30-09

Wait a minute…for it to have been the Soul Train AWARDS they sho’ was short on the award giving. 2 for Keri Hilson and the Chaka and Charlie tributes and Sean Paul winning some reggae ward earlier in the night that was not broadcast. Taraji P. Henson has Anaconda neck. To be skinny she damn ear got muscular jowls. Her Cher do was cute though.

Preach Dan Brown Preach! What enlightened ass person did he consult while writing this book? There is so much profound shit in here. I’m talking bout some …UMH…out loud in public places.

LA News is a Joke and the best B movie ever!

Never have I had not on once of faith , respect, or belief in newscasters, but in LA…news and especially its presentation is a big joke.

The best B movie ever made…Cursed. Mya did a good job running from the werewolf.

Quote of the day: 11-29-09

Oh Shit! Quote of the day:

“Don’t make me raise up.”
~Bumpy Johnson on Hoodlum

Soult Train Awards was sho low on the awards

Toni Braxton has blond hair. She done joined the assimilation crew. Her and Trey Songz did a duet. He can sing. Gosh, Brian McKnight has a meaty forehead. Why the graphics for the awards show look like the intro to Everybody Hates Chris? How does Keri Hilson win an award over Jazmine Sullivan? Goes to show ….talent ain’t got nothing to do with it.

Why is Keith Sweat singing? Damn who didn’t do drugs? CHARLIE WILSON?!?! Damn, Oh damn! Prostate Cancer too! So why is he still alive. Just wondering? Nothing against the man, but come on…the world wouldn’t have stood still if he passed. Come on God, friendly trade. Ooh look at his white wife looking thing! His suit is nice. Cleaner than the board of health! Umh!

Oh damn, Ginuwine is fat and just as vocally untalented as usual. God his head is swollen like Flower’s from Meerkat Manor. This tribute to Charlie SUCKS!

Why can I hear this one background singer over everyone else AND why is K-ci and Jo Jo even singing with Charlie? I like the design of the stage and what not. Looks like Soul Train. How do you LOOK tardy for the party? Dumb ass Alesha Renee.

I can’t believe Mario has facial hair. Your life’s dream is to own a McDonalds? Wow, commercial. I’m really fighting to be positive.

Oh Terence Howard is GAY! He got on an ascot in 2009! You ain’t Freddie Jones or Jackie Jackson and this ain’t 1975!

You gon’ think I invented sex? Really Trey Songz? I hope he picks better material soon. He has such a nice voice and …Elizabeth Taylor and this 20 yr old White Diamonds commercial. Who wears that?

Who is this little dingy Hal Linton dude? Did they sing this at that football game? Estelle has no stage presence whatsoever. How did we skip from the Temptations to Johnnie Gil in the Motown 50th thing? Why is Chico DeBarge singing El’s high notes?

Why does this hurt so bad? I just don’t understand.

Why is Terence Howard singing? He doesn’t sound bad though. What’s up with Raheem DeVaughn’s Terminator X foot clan? That was a nice performance though.

Can I just say that the production quality of these awards us on point. Why does Robin Thick have on leather pants? Man he ain’t got nary a bit of natural movement to help him deliver this song.

Guess BET was threatened by TV One…hence Centric. I’m glad no one sang during the Mike tribute,

Ooh, cool a Chaka tribute! Damn, Erykah Badu has on a Chaka outfit. OK, not a na’an nother MF is to wear a Mohawk like hairdo. Ledisi, Kandi, Monica NO One! Ledisi’s ass is about to be out. TASIA RINO! She got a baby bear around her neck. Well shit, I’m getting me some liquid leggings if Angie Stone got some on. I hate she smokes. I hate people who go down and sing to the tribute person. This is so cute Awww, lookin like a little adorable panda . Why is Melle Mel there is they ain’t gonna…wait. I guess it got cut. Feel for you and the significance of MC Hammer and Tamia being on the show, but I never saw them. Wait, did see Hammer during the end credits.

I had A WEIRD dream today (in MLK voice)

Had a weird dream (not about the PYT). We (DST) were all living in s big Real World house. We had a pajama jammy jam. Frenchy from I Love Money lived in the house too. So we all stretched out and spread throughout the house. Then all of the sigma theta alphas mob in like…we have to take out equipment and I’m like what equipment. It ends up the stereo in the front room was theirs. So they commit to unplugging stuff. And I don’t know why I remembered this guy, but an alpha named Calvin was there…weird. Then I go let Sweetie out into the garage. I came back like 15 min later and Aretha Franklin is out there holding her. Ends up the dog got out through some window and Aretha is asking if we have some food. I’m like yea, we feed her. She is well fed. So I go in get the food and Aretha takes Sweetie across the street to some house/church and by this time Sweetie doesn’t have her fur. She has short hair and a slight green tint with orange-brownish spots like an ocelot or other spotted big cat. We go inside and it’s a black church. Shawn from Boyz II Men and Spinderella are there. Even some of DST are there playing a Chi-Town trivia game and they have food. It’s a Wednesday night service/gathering. Aretha sends me over to the house to get something…it may have been food for the dog. I try to get out but it’s crowded. I end up getting a piece of the large sub sandwich…and then I woke up to…Super Soult Train Awards!

I feel a bit cougarish-The PYT

11-29-09

Wow! A new experience. I saw a PYT with my own eyes last night. I guess God is still making ‘em like he used to. I felt cougarish.

The Space Time Continuum sighting

11-27-09

Driving home tonight, I though I saw a rip in the space-time continuum.

Will Truman’s Italian boyfriend Vince was cool. I like his voice. Pretty fly for a white guy.

ny lip gloss is NOT poppin- A Red Dragon Day

11-26-09

Man, I left my lip gloss at the new house! Gosh my lips are unattractive right now.

Finally got a reception for 92.3 and Wanna Be Startin Something was on. DJ was like much love to families celebrating their first holidays without a loved one. Man, this is total BS! When is this gonna be over already? I'm tired of living with this pain and this is such a gargantuan happening that it will be hard to escape unless you’re on a deserted island….and that ain’t even safe. The grief may hook a ride on the wings of a bird migrating south for the winter and drop right in my lap.

Today is a Red Dragon day.

Holidays, I think, are made for people who have families. Either one of their own or a tradition of spending time together. Being alone without a family of my own ( ain’t tryin’ to have kids, just saying…some of my own peoples/man) or other family members to share it with…is kind of depressing. I wish I worked today. That way I could stay busy. I’ll write more of my book today if we are not moving.

Will & Grace. They are so cute. At least they have love. A gay dude and a straight chick kind of love, but a love nonetheless. Seems that she found her soul mate just not someone she can marry. I wonder if it true that your soul mate may not be your spouse/boyfriend

Possom Farts and Cane's Grandma's wig with a dash of terminally ill packing mules

11-25-09

Where is Robert Townsend? I miss his cute corniness?

Why do people stink? Like, seriously this lady just smelled like rancid spit, a dewy Kentucky morning, and possum fart. Possom fart, damn I had to get my 2 chuckles in on that one. Another lady came in with shades on –in a fluorescent lit building with a flip wig on like Cane’s grandma on Menace II Society.

I would really like a complex boyfriend. Not complex as in difficult for me to hands, but a man with layers. Who can take m from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds, who makes me ponder, who has a story, a struggle, a fire, a passion.

This MF’in bold ass bird keeps jumping on the table top WHILE I’M SITTING HERE! He done jumped over here 3 times. Next he gonna walk on across the table and take my bugle crumbs.

What an eventful day. (This passage has been omitted for privacy/security purposes) I operate from a place of integrity so….so be it.

Homeless man smelled like a terminally ill packing mule from 10 ft away. Crossing the street and smelled weed where there was no people or cars. Saw a mouse on the steps of the LA Mall. And I ain’t talking about a house mouse. That thing was the size of two gerbils. Rounded the corner and saw a cockroach. Wait, I don’t see it. Where did it go? Can’t be blending in with these leaves. Jesus Be A Fence.

Nov 23rd-How?

How do you find the answers? I'm sure there is a solution, but how do you go about getting there? What is the order of operation?

Something that absolutely infuriates me...people who are always on facebook. Asking questions and having people weigh in on their life's decisions. Its like...do you do anything else with yourself? I don't mind an update or 3 during the day if something kewl happens, but menial shit just bothers me.

I really don't get music these days

I am just perplexed at how meaningless and devoid of any kind of emotion it all is.

this moment feels like...

a lie naked in the shower and sob until I'm in damn near involuntary body spasms moment:(

Nov 22-Death

I hurt. I hurt so deeply, so profoundly that the cells within my body vibrate. Why did you have to go?

God, why do people have to die? Are other organisms aware of their mortality? Maybe it would be easier if we were clueless to it.

Nov 21st-Little Walter can get it!

Nightlife in Downtown LA ain't all that bad. Had a great time at Seven Lounge. There were a lot of short guys and models. I like the feel of the city. I miss city living. Makes me want to visit New York again.

Cried as I prayed last night/this morning I was just telling God how grateful I am to him/her for bringing Mike into my life. This love...what could it be other than an act of God.

Good News! I found my shank!

I hate when people are talking to you and belch and you don't notice it because you're talking back and all of a sudden I taste/smell the damn meat ridden burp.

LL has such a sexy laugh on Doin' It. I bet he has cheated on his wife a couple of 2-3 times.

OMG! So many of Mike's songs are about sex?! How can I learn to write about things I have never experienced?

I can't escape it. I just keeps hitting me in the face. I don't know how I am to deal with this when it hurts so bad.

Saw Cadillac Records tonight. That movie was good. It stays with you; haunts . Little Walter was very attractive to me. In multiple ways. I just cannot believe Columbus Short played Little Walter on Cadillac Records. DAMN! Clearly the country ass harmonica player with a gold, who carries a gun and will shoot a ni**a over his name and take the doors off the car cause its hot kinda of dude is my type. I never thought that dude was cute til I saw that movie. Maybe he is only cute in that movie.

Nov 20th- Adidias, good riddance to the evil one, and glad to be a bastard

Man, I need to buy tennis shoes more often. Got on my new $20.25 Adidas and I am just floating. I mean my gait is just fast and springy. I feel like busting out like John Travolta. Something else I remember from conversing with the 3 white ladies after the 3rd time of THIS IS IT. One of them was like His hands are so big! It's funny to me that people didn't realize his hands are big. His hands have always been huge. Maybe them being lighter now makes them stand out more. I dunno.

I forgot my apples for my ritual breakfast peanut butter and apples. Damn it all to hell! Ooh, and I am just realizing ( maybe I knew this and just forgot)how sexual in nature the lyrics of KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET are. I am like wet it, taste it, cleave it...WHAT?

Lust...have I ever lusted after someone? Maybe, but ...yea...maybe.

OOh, another Mike song that comes to mind is one I don't know the name of. It goes something like he wanna push it in, push it out???? he wanna wrap his arms all around you girl. Mother Mary mercy me love ain't what it used to be.

People are all like...that's boy's father committed suicide, can you believe it. I am like SO! Good riddance! I really don't give a fuck abut him dead, alive, or in purgatory. Another instance of having a fucked up father. Glad I don't have one.

Quote of the Day:11-19-09

"My body is but a vessel for my most potent treasure...my mind."
~Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol

He's always in my heart and frequently in my mind

I see his eyes again. The most beautiful eyes God ever created. Pensive, gentle, and warm.

November 19th: People be forgetting that I Am Monica

Saw the 5 Heartbeats this weekend, well some of it. Leon is real masculinely delicious. Do they make men like that anymore? I remember that one movie he was in where he was freaking a ghost, but it looked like he was just humping air. The dude who played Dresser was RIGHT ON TIME! I don't do light skinned, but I do Dresser; with that raspy voice. Talk dirty to me daddy.

Ooh, I saw Darryl Phinnesse's name in the credits to the 5 Heartbeats waaaayy at the end, but I didn't catch what it was for. Reading credits is so much fun.

Something about the melody of Mr. and Mrs. Little Ones reminds me of Before You Walk Out Of My Life by Monica. I had forgot all about that song until now.

Is Willie Nelson country or rock or both?

Just thinking and going on what I saw on THIS IS IT; that dude is so my elder. Sometimes you get stuck in that place of surreal fantasy and forget what really is. His demeanor was all like (in Cartman voice) RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY...with love.

Why is there going to be a sequel to the Alvin & The Chipmunks movie? Who in the hell saw the first one?

Listening to Rocket Love. Sometimes when I am listening to music and i feel it I make faces. I cal lit the secular music holy ghost, but the faces are more like the song just tasered me.

It's a gift to be able to amuse yourself. I walked out of the bathroom stall like I was on the catwalk or in a pop music video. I WAS FIERCE! Just a throwing my hair and showing my diva swag. There's always a music in my head. I was getting in touch with my inner Janet at the time.

I should become an actress who is well known for lip syncing in music movies. Kinda how Leon can't play nothing, but singers very well. I could use my music holy ghost/terets for good and not evil.

I'm afraid I'm going to start listening to Donny Hathaway

which is the absolute wrong mood of music for me to listen to in my state.

Being Human Is Hard

It really is and those who don't recognize that are in the dark. Not aware of self, not aware of this world. With much struggle comes transformation. But for this transformation to take place you have to be lost for a while. And that is where I am now. Lost, confused, emotionally out of wack. Trying really hard to find something to fight for. Something to hold on to. It's weird, how you recognize how discombobulated you are without your glue. Michael, that's you:(

Today's voice lesson went well

In My Life is a beautiful song and I felt really good about my ability to deliver it with Monica's flare. Making a song your own, but adhering to the original composition is not as hard as I once thought. Next on the list...At Last. Donna Deussen is awesome. Such a beautiful voice! Thank you.

Thanks to those

who love me, believe in me, and encourage me. Even when I don't love, believe in, or encourage myself.

Why cant I stop listening to GO HOME by Stevie Wonder?

Why cant I stop listening to GO HOME by Stevie Wonder? Maybe I'll tackle it in my voice lessons. Need to get the correct CD's though. My ass bought CD-RW's and they won't play in my car.

Sometimes when I'm walking down Temple...

on my way to work the sun is shining directly in front of me and I close my eyes, tilt my head up, and smile. It feels so good to have that warmth on my skin. I can't keep my eyes closed for more than a couple of seconds though. I don't want to walk into anything.

Iy saddens me to see the same homeless man on the same corner every morning. I left work late last night and I saw the same homeless man standing at the same corner, about to cross the street. Reminds me that we all have routines. As his world rotates, so do we in out daily rituals of whatever.

My sweater is catching hella eyes today. A man came to my window and smiled and said nice cute/nice sweater; He didn't even look gay.

realization of the day 2

They're real people!

I'm also in a saliva spitting rage over...

I saw on TV that according to the too damn young baby momma of Killa Conrad that they were on the phone for like 5 minutes and then something got his attention or something and she said this bastard said "MJ is dying." Why do you assume the worst right off the bat. What happened to AWW SHIT SOMETHING'S WRONG LET ME CALL YOU BACK! You go straight to mort?

Also, saw on TV he had to close in practice and move away from Vegas because of death threats. Tough titty. Lord willing you will never get a good nights sleep again until you are DEAD! Shout out the death threat people!

Tohme Tohme Dude is going to hell

So I read some days back that some used to be advisor of Mike's is suing the estate for owed something or another then I go see THIS IS IT on Saturday and this N*gga is in the credits. Forreal! You in the credits of a posthumous movie and you suing. That means yo ass put the suit in after the fact. You going to hell. Never trust a man with the same name twice.

Realization of the day

I'm a pretty broken person

11-16-09: I need a Buddy, Biggie Shorty, and Go Home by Stevie Wonder

11-16-09

I keep thinking about that slow motion wit it…that move was just so smooth and unlike was he usually does. Damn near sexual. Today…Chaka is back!

Watched Bootsy Collins’ and Klymaxx’s UnSung. Bootsy never got them teeth fixed, but he wasn’t too bad looking once he tapped into his inner Jimmy Hendrix. Klymaxx had an interesting story. That Bernadette chick looks like she has some kind of deformity at the face. I totally forgot about the SEXY song. I need to find it. The all female band of Black…wait there was a white chick in there that I didn’t even know existed…chicks sounds cool. The bass guitar seems cool to me right now. Joyce Irby is my favorite. I think it’s the eye-itis.

Dancing…it feels so good. I remember this dude from the Stevie Wonder party. He was just so free. Chile, he should be in a band or something. To see him get down like that just makes me smile.

OK, Go Home by Stevie Wonder is THE CUT! The cover art for Musiquarium looks like Rudy’s fish sweater from that episode of The Cosby Show. The beat to Go Home is similar to Ghostbusters and Mike’s Streetwalker.

I’m not sure if I can do music alone. I need a music buddy like one would need a work out buddy.

I felt like Biggie Shorty tonight…dancing on the corner to You Haven’t Done Nothing by Stevie Wonder…waiting for the bus.

Deep Thouhgt of 11-15-09

Also tonight I though deeply I want Earth Song to play at my wake. That piano is moving, chilling. I’m gonna be cremated though.

I saw THIS IS IT again

I saw THIS IS IT again. I like the part where he fences and there is a giggle at the very end on the MJJ walk and toes magical moment with the whoooo. I love him so much. There were only like 8 people in the theatre, but I partied. When I got back to B&B Works two ladies in front of me were talking about the movie. They had just been in the theatre with me. It felt so good to hear one of them saying that she was crying. I was fighting back tears too. The part with the last dancer saying life is hard…and THIS IS IT get me. Also the story intro telling how the movie came to be. It is like…for his personal library and original footage for the concerts…
THIS IS IT

Three other ladies stayed in the theatre until the very end. We ended up talking a bit. It felt good to talk to someone about it. She didn’t know about the patented foot mechanism for Smooth Criminal. I still trip over that spider, the bulldozer, and the chase pyrotechnics.

I KNEW IT! The Planet Earth Poem was published in his book of poems and reflections: Dancing the Dream. II knew those words sounded so familiar. Now I haven’t read this book in over 3 years. This is such a weird memory. Why do I remember those words and I probably only read the book once.

Realization of 11-15-09

I think I’m so afraid because it means so much to me.

The Stevie Wonder party...

The Stevie Wonder party was GREAT! Thanks Darren for encouraging me to go. They played I Can’t Help It, but a little remixed and upbeat. I got through it pretty well. That is the song that I have not been able to listen to since…
Heard Stevie’s version of Until You Come Back To Me. Didn’t know he wrote Let’s Get Serious by Jermaine. The version they played just sounded funkier than the version I’ve heard on TV…or maybe I hadn’t heard the funky part before. I think I saw Affion Crocket. Looks thicker and more solid in real life. He’s funny. I look forward to his future projects. Apparently Stevie is a boon for me dancing with glee. I was just-a happy dancing and getting my get down on. It felt so good! The Vanguard is right next door the LA Free Clinic where Nike used to work. Never knew that.

interesting black people on the streets of Downtown LA

11-13-09

You see the most interesting black people when you get off work an hour early…Homeless Savion Glover whose right shoe is at a perpendicular angle. The Funky Righteous Brothers of Barbados. Ice T’s little cousin with the banana bike with rusty brakes. Bohemian brother who is too conscious to care that he has on a dashiki, denim shorts, and slide in square toe dress shoes, busted heels, and s straw/twine anklet on his left ankle. His dred were nice though It feels weird to be at the bus stop in the daylight.

I DO I DO I DO BELIEVE IN YOU!

I hope this Stevie Wonder party is fun. I have to find a way to be trendy, yet not dressed up. My feet are not cooperating. Today I said something important. I was speaking with a co-worker and prefaced my return of the Rabbi book with “because of my deep belief in Michael Jackson.” I said it. I BELIEVE in him. Believing the magic is believing in him. His soul sis magic. It is love.

The Jacksons song from the Destiny album that sounds like THIS IS IT/Never Heard is Bless His Soul. It’s that little Tito sounding guitar peck!!!

I love the little noises he makes between words. They make me jump or twitch.

11-12-09: My Michael Jai White Dream

11-12-09

Oh hell yeah! I had a dream that me and Michael Jai White were a couple. I’m not sure if we were on the up and up, but we were able to be comfy goofballs together. We just laid/sat on the bed and watched TV. At some point he was asleep. I was in the bathroom doing something. Probably wrestling with this tangled ass weave and he peeks in …all in his boxers…and is like “hey, come in here with me”…he grabs my butt then my hand and leads me into the room to watch something that feels like the evening news. Pheromones, hormones, and all kinds of other –MONES are oozing and saturating the atmosphere. How can they not. He’s Michael Jai White! I think I had on my gray inauguration t-shirt and some raggedy of white short. (sigh) companionship. I wonder what his wife looks like. I miss full-chested, strong, manly hugs.

Yesterday was such a good day. I sat around in my night clothes al day. Washed, ate, watched TV, and updated the blog. Made actions in regard to my future. Wish I had more days like this. I didn’t even leave the house and only got bothered one time. A very peaceful day. Reminds me of lazy Sundays back in KC when I used to have my own place.

A lot of Mike music has been in my head today. Destiny to invincible.

Saw this fine ass Kevin un the waiting room. He had long hair and Jonathan Randall from Guiding Light swag. A tall Asian too!

I hate I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. I don’t see what’s so great about the damn song. The last two episodes of South Park haven’t’ been all that interesting.

TV Guide Channel- Hell or TV?

You’re right white blonde chick from the TV Guide Channel. I totally agree…I too am afraid that if I watch the Jacksons reality show I’ll be less likely to get into heaven.

11-10-09: Boyz II Men, Concerts, and Beautiful days in the neighborhood

11-10-09

Boyz II Men has been on my mind. I am just in awe of how good they are. Chicken and Eggs! Chicken and Eggs! Shawn is my favorite. I don’t see them all that sexual though. They did a pelvic pop and I turned my lip up like Lucy. Nice looking men though. A morning in retrospect: How many concerts have I been to this year?
Patti LaBelle, Amel Larrieux, Bilal, Chaka Khan, Boyz II Men. I feel that there are more…can’t count the memorial. I have been down to LA Live 50-11 times this year. Boyz II Men were the last great act to come out of Motown. Music just ain’t what it used to be.

Today is such a beautiful day in LA. When I woke up from my nap on the bus this morning I saw a golden morning. The hills of Glendale were beautiful. Funny memory: On an episode of Everybody Hates Chris Tanya argued Chris and Drew down that Billie Ocean did the Moonwalk and NOT Michael Jackson. I’m a good 2 weeks late on reporting this, but when I went to see THIS IS IT at Universal the New Power Generation dude was out three dancing and singing again AND this time I saw Kenny B…the low budget Kenny G.

‘Google’ is not a synonym or ‘research’

11-9-09
I don’t like this new Ledisi song. It sounds like every other R&B grown folks song. The lyrics are eve a bore. I think people have run out of ways to sing about sex. This sounds like a song that could have bee wrote by R. Kelly.

Ok, so I overheard a co-worker talking about THIS IS IT. She said she didn’t like it and she especially didn’t like the black and white part because he looked like The Joker. I was rolling because I feel the same way. That wasn’t an aesthetically pleasing face and to boot it was on a big ass screen. He looked sleepy at the eyes. They were veiled and that grin/smirk was wide. No life in the eyes. Like it was a mechanical face or something. Things just didn’t really match. I know that that would not have been the final version. If I didn’t like it, I know he wasn’t 100& happy with it.

Why is Frankie Beverly always here? I saw a dude in Burbank with a high top fade. And he had a pick in the back. The children of this day…tragic.


New idea for next year’s Halloween costume: Punky Brewster!

Why does Monica have a that electronic/T-Pain sound on her voice on that song she has with Keisha Cole? She doesn’t need that crap! She has such a nice voice…but I pigeonholed by the ghetto R&B anomaly.

Quote of the day: “ ‘Google’ is not a synonym or ‘research’”
~ Dr. Langdon in Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol

Boyz II Men

OMG, I was absolutely mesmerized. I had been wanting to see them since 1995's Budweiser Fest. The impeccable dress, personality, passion, energy, vocal stylings. I was absolutely blown away. I found myself making ugly faces they were so GREAT! It was damn near the secular music Holy Ghost. I feel so blessed to have been witness to such awesomeness. Such good music. Such real music. God bless you Nate, Wan, and Shawn.

November 7 2009: “…you can’t hurt me. I’ve found peace within my life…”

November 7 2009

Teena Marie and Prince would make an interesting musical team. They could make something funkily magical.

Kinda mad I ain’t gonna be able to go see En Vogue tomorrow. I wish I hadn’t forgot about it until yesterday. Too late to find someone to go with me. Harkening back to the shit I heard about Joe last night. I am so mad. It just sucks that this is happening. I am confident the judge will uphold the not-a-will thingy. You got 8 other kids. Ask they ass for something. I mean, it was to be expected. Not out of his character. Man, this makes me glad I don’t have a father. People just ain’t right. Why is it that the evilest of people love long. God, can you give us Mike back and banish Joe to hell instead?

Just remembered I had a dream that was gross, traumatizing, and confusing all in one flash of WTF.

Ooh baby you want me. Ooh baby you want me. Ooh baby you want me. Well you can get this lap dance here for free.
~ lap dance by N.E.R.D.
Who raps the recorded verse on Black or White?

My favorite word that Mike sings is GIRL. The way he pronounces it is jus so complete. There’s something more to it. I thin it’s because he doesn’t put a lot of emphasis on the R. He rounds it out. He sings it with his whole mouth, not just his lips. Anyone understand that? When he sings GIRL I think back to the Suzuki commercial. BWINK!

My yawn just tasted like the smoke from a burned out sparkler.

OMG, Shakeabadadown is the best song ever made in the history of the universe!

What is the name of that Steve Wonder song that plays sometime during The Last Dragon?

Yo, was reading this blog and the blogger pointed out the similarity between the artwork for Mahogany and THIS IS IT. Humh! Humh indeed.

Never really noticed the singing in front of the fan effect on Mike’s vocal son JAM.


Quote of the day:

“…you can’t hurt me. I’ve found peace within my life…”
~ Michael Jackson JAM

Where is Missy Elliott? She was so awesome to me on Supa Dupa Fly. She just came with all the junk from far left field. Then she went straight 80’s and lost her edge. I’m excited to see what she’ll bring us next. She always creates great visuals.

“Sometime I cry cause I’m confused. Is that a fact of being used.”
~Bless His Soul by The Jacksons
Sucks they are still trying to use you…30 something years later.

The October Chronicles Part VII: Technically 10-29-09

Technically 10-29-09

Why does Anderson Cooper look the way he does? I am starting to accept the fact that I may not be able to get back into TV. And with the state of news; looking from the outside in: is it something I agree with? The direction of television news is going in--does it align with who I am and what I want to achieve in life?

You know what’s noticeable at the Memphis airport…the lack of colored people. Ooh remembered something else from THIS IS IT. Mike was talking about the state of the U.S./World and he said…we have 4 years to get it right. Humh, was he referring to Obama?

Sooo, its 8:58am. Memphis, TN and my flight got cancelled. I don’t fly out to KC until 2:30pm. 6 hours in Memphis looking stupid without a book to read. All I can do now is write a book. Damn! I lost a whole day in KC.

A good 2 people are taking swine flue super seriously. A dude on my flight had on a mask and a lady getting off another flight had on one too.
I think I just saw this fat dude looking at me while I was eating.

You ever get different service from black people because you’re black? I promise you black waitress is more jovial with the fuckin’ white lady. Weird Dream At The Airport (wrote that with my left hand and trying to illustrate the oddness via the computer) I was married to Maxwell. Well then it became the middle Eastern equivalent of Maxwell. We are walking down some big city street in like New York. We seem to be on out way from work walking hand in hand and really engaging each other. We cross a street and Tavis Smiley/Judge Mathis is out there shooting something. So Maxwell and him holler at each other. He leads me to the goldline subway. He is very touchy feely and tells me I have a big cookie pie, but he uses other words. Then we are getting on some small airplane instead of the train. Ain’t enough room for everyone. Taryn and Tashi are on it too. There’s some white people in the back compartment and the white husband makes a racist remark about my husband when he comes out of the back and see’s a colored person. For some reason I was in the backroom and came out to read him the riot act. I was fully aware of the fact that this could emasculate Maxwell (who is no longer the middle eastern version). So I’m reading this dude up and down showing my education by using big words and not going ghetto girl on him. Then for some reason he is not in front of me anymore. I am talking to him through a phone which is really a piece of Danish. He hung up on me. Then everyone is back on the plane, seated with all baggage put away.

Hey! America’s best Dance Crew is at the airport!...just kidding, but there are like 3 little Asian dudes.

I am still tickled by Mike doing that pelvis thrust in slow motion on Billie Jean. You need to see the face he makes. It’s like an “aooowww” feels good face. I mean he was slow winding it! Hey HLN just said THIS IS TI has made 7 million so far. GO MICHAEL! WHOOOO! You know… I haven’t seen one person at the airport reppin’ Mike in the 6 hrs I’ve been here. Guess that’s a good thing about LA. Hey, that makes cool thing about LA #5…people show their love for Mike. Yo, they transition out of Thriller with Threatened. Man that song hits so hard!

The October Chronicles Part VI: THIS IS IT

10-28-09

Reflecting on THIS IS IT. It started our pretty sad. Just to see al of the dancers’ interviews…Like most were crying years of joy. The funniest part was when he was burning the jacket. The most surprising part was when he did the SLOW MOTION WIT IT pelvic thrust on Billie Jean. I Holla’d! It was funny how he was stern, but respectful. Another funny moment was on Smooth Criminal when he was supposed to come in at a certain point and he didn’t So Kenny Ortega or whoever brought it to his attention and Mike replied…I’m sizzling. Then Travis or somebody goes …He’s sizzling. I was rolling. I really like the Blood on the Dance floor hair. It was funny on IJCSLY when he started singing and Judith stopped singing with him and was just watching him feel it and SANG it. He even had on really loose fitting clothes for Earth Song. And as Chevonne called it …an OPP coat. I don’t like the way his lips look. Dry. Cool new effect Raining zombies on Thriller. Mike coming out of a big spider. The Smooth Criminal black and white gangster sequence was cool. The Earth Song footage and little girl were awesome. A beautiful moment was when eh was talking about his idea for the bulldozer on Earth Song and how he felt the bulldozer should close in silence then the keyboardist played the da da da da da da da da da on and it was just what Mike was going for and Mike looked at him, smiled, and said god bless you. He was really intimate with Judith during IJCSLY. He gave her a full body hug. He was cool and flirtatious with the black dancer chick on TWYMMF too. I got to see how the dancers practiced to be able to accurately jump out of the floor hydraulic thing. When the dancers were practicing the pelvis thrusts w/ the crotch hold it looked gross or funny looking, but when Mike does it it is what it is…a dance move. Oooh and the out of the floor jump thingy is called getting toasted!


At IMAX for THIS IS IT Part 2 and OH HELL NAW. The Jacksons A&E commercial just played. As much as I am afraid …I’ll be watching it. Ok, the IMAX crowd was a lot more subdued than the Special Screening crowd. Still loving Mike though. This time around I couldn’t hold back the tears. One really poignant thing was the last dancer’s remarks. Something like…life is hard and I was looking for something to believe in and THIS IS IT. Ooh, that stuck a chord with me because Michael is that thing for me to believe in. To keep struggling, keep fighting, I couldn’t bat the tears away on Man In The Mirror and I had to wipe them away with my sleeve. I love him so much. And even after I left and was descending the escalators at Universal I was tearing up. One a side not That one Australian dancer looked kinda good. Nice chest. Oh lord, I don’t been without a man so long I am not only looking at White dudes…I’m looking at White dudes from other countries. Anyway…my heart skipped a beat when he did that run.

I bought the THIS IS IT album yesterday, Man, the digital re-mastering is noticeable. Being that I am familiar with the song s I know it. I also heard this beans rattling in a can sound on Thriller that I had never heard before. Dorian the background singer looks like Hill Harper. I wonder how people live in LA all of their lives? I guess if it’s what you know then its cool. On the 405 I started to wonder how far away I was from the Holmney/Holmey Hills place.
Question: What is so exciting about IMAX? The screen did look curved, but it wasn’t nothing fancy. Maybe my last experience with IMAX with special in some way being that it was at the Science Center. Or maybe that particular screen was NOT IMAX? I’m not happy with my hat anymore. These tracks have made it tight fitting. You know what…I know what I don’t like about his lips! They have been artificially plumped or something. One thing that was cool was that I THINK he was singing Earth Song Live. I love the way he sounds live. It’s rougher, more real. He pretty much sang everything live, but not full out. Earth Song is really the only song he sang out. Back to the THIS IS IT album. The SOOML demo is nice. Simple. Just him and a guitar. The Planet Earth poem’s cadence feels so familiar. I don’t know if it is similar to something I wrote or someone else, but man that poem feels very familiar. Maybe It’s in his poetry book.

Quote of the day: November 6th

Quote of the day: 'Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.'
~ the words of Arthur C. Clarke in Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol

November 6th Thoughts

Whoever thought to make the governmental seal with the spread eagle? It's really explicit. The little red, white, and blue shield looks like it's hiding the eagles' bits. Some turkey legs would be nice. Like the ones from Six Flags.

I wonder whats going to happen with magic mountain now the Disney is talking about building a park in Santa Clarita.

I am so addicted ti apples and peanut butter. It's like some new invention to my taste buds. I'm tempted to just eat peanut butter. God this is an awesome food!
Today a dude came to my window with the most luxurious hair. And it was jet black. I mean, it had slow motion body like Prince Charming on Shrek. He got Joe Lawrence on Blossom beat! I just wanted to run my fingers through it.

There was the white dude in the lobby looking like a dingy Shadow Stevens.

Don't zone out during presentations and start admiring the speakers body. I did it and before long I had him cooking me eggs naked in the kitchen like Ving Rhames on Baby Boy. Sir Yes Sir!

It's amazing how people bodies can stretch with weight gain.

I wish this old slightly demented lady would shut up. She always talking in circles and repeating shit. She ain't even talking to me and I am irritated.

The October Chronicles Part V: Thrill The World/My Birthday

10-26-09

Had an interesting dream last night, I guess we were on Neverland or my dream version of it and there were shooting stars. I believe some of my family was there. We were all out on this lush backyard/pasture celebrating. There may have been food or something, but we were a ways from it. Sp anyway, I took Michael’s hand and was like “look shooting stars.” He didn’t see the first few. The sky had a purple tint to it that night…kind of like the MAC computer desktop. We hugged side by side and watched. This time Neverland was right off the highway. Somehow right along the side where the 101 and 405 meet. The trees you saw sticking up between the highway were Neverland trees. It felt so col. We were friends in an embrace. TV Guide channel is all Mike all the time again. The dancer who does TWYMMF said he would give hugs and one time she said “you always smell good” and he replied “I should.” Hey, another background singer was back. The Dorien dude who had the slightly blonde hair and drawn on facial hair on the BAD Tour.

Got that Rabbi book for my bday, but will return it. He doesn’t sit right with me. Can’t support anything that aids him in existing. Speaking of birthdays. Mine started out great and ended in a whimper. Like putting down Old Yeller. Mingle and Plei was absolutely great. I had a ball and thank all if those in attendance. I overslept for the health fair, but made it. Everything looked nice. Dude from Hot 92.3 gave me tickets to see Boyz II Men for my bday. Every interaction I have ever had with that station has been a positive one. They seem to hire cool, quality people. If only I could remember that dude’s name. The massage was ok. Got there late, therefore, it was only a 40 minute massage. Took forever to get to TTW. Damn LA traffic, but we got there. There were so man people. It felt like this event didn’t belong to us. We were just pawns in some game. I had trouble just finding people I knew. Wish I would have had friends to share the experience with. Sorors came, but missed the whole thin. We did get a free Tapout T shirt. I don’t even know what that is. They say 6,000 people danced. They even had people with special wristbands who got to dance up front. Thus event didn’t belong to the fans. I think it would have if AEG weren’t involved. The best zombie out there was Amy Winehouse. Yes there was an Amy Winehouse Zombie, Bee Hive and All! Despite the rules there was a good 100 Michael Jacksons out there. There were people dancing who didn't even have their zombie on. They were just dancing. Got some love from my Zombie Valley people.

And then shit went down hill. Went to dinner. It was good. No one showed, but family and we rode together Got to the Echo. No one showed, but one person and it was nearly 1am. We were ready to go because hands down it was the worst club I have ever been to. They played funky soul, but no one song we had actually heard of. The crowd was young Asians, Nik and Oronde saw the lead singing Bee Gee…so they say. Best thing about the night was the slice of pizza I had from Two Boots.

And now I am on the commuter bus, wishing I didn’t have to go to the god forsaken job. I hope the rest of my week gets better,

Now that I know Michael had absolutely nothing to do with the release of the THIS IS IT song, I’m not too sure about how I feel. If he didn’t initiate its release then it wasn’t good enough. I don’t like this posthumous shit! Initially I’m like cool…Mike and the brothers did this back in the day. But now I hear that some people just threw them elements together. It’s just sucky that you lose control over yourself.

Prince is such an ass I bet he’ll have his estate burn his music and mix it with his ashes in an urn to make sure nobody releases any of his music posthumous.
I don’t think straight weaves are for me. This already looks crappy. And it’s day 4. No need in me going in for a tightening because this wont be in for more than a month… I’ll see how it goes once I put some product on it. There are just always stray hairs and it tangles in the back and loses its curl.

I keep forgetting to write this, but last week I walked past this guy who looked like Dr. Pratt’s gay little brother on ER. I bet it was him, but the question is…what was he doing in the federal building. Humh? Looking back and I feel as if I haven’t accomplished anything since I’ve been in California. I just feel stagnant. Now at 28 life sucks and I feel like a loser…in debt for an education that really ain’t helped me worth shit.

I feel like doodling. Insert doodle here:

10-27-09

Why did Lorraine shoot herself? I mean like…did Ike’s dick have super powers? Never experienced that kind of love…can’t grasp the concept. Why she here Ike? Why she here?

Fame and Stardom: A Poem

Fame and Stardom. On the outside looking in it seems grand. But as I mature I see what a core it has to be. I see how tough it is. To be built up…and then on a whim broken down again and again. All of the hopes, dreams, and aspirations are but mere apparitions in the eye of time…you only have so much of it. It’s precious. What will you do with it while you’ve got it? Are you willing to make that sacrifice? The time is now, move quick, think hard, maybe think twice.

The October Chronicles Part IV

10-13-09

8:30am, turned on the MP3 player and 94.7 was playing THIS IS IT. Made me jump. Maybe I can keep my emotions in check. I have avoided listening to it since the other night. The guitar sounds like something old Jacksons-Tito-ish. Maybe something off Destiny. I am afraid. I’ve been all excited to see this movie and I know I’m gonna have a hard time. Might as well bring a box of Kleenex. Paul Anka just got over like a fat rat. Man if he ain't lucky that he co-wrote the song. THIS IS IT/Never Heard reminds me of a particular Jacksons song. I can’t quite put my finger on it right now, but its coming. As so as I heard it I was like THIS AIN’T FINISHED! It’s raggedy for Mike release standards. He ain’t even singing all of the words. Classic Dr. Dre produced song...for that matter, the best song Teddy Riley has been attached to…NO DIGGITY. There’s no way this song can come on and you not just fall into the groove.

Why is Monica getting a reality show? This is officially stupid. If another MF comes out spreading all of their business in the streets I’m gonna scream.

Sunday was a good day. TTW practice went well. We had about 40 people show up and they were really fast learners. I think one day we are going to cause an accident at the corner of Huston and Hazeltine. Cars stop or slow down at the intersection when it’s not warranted to watch us. I hope I can fit into the bridesmaid dress from Nene’s wedding. It will be my TTW Zombie outfit. Went on an adventure to find some sheet music for Wednesday’s voice lesson. Hit up Baxter Northup Music in Sherman Oaks. I got Alfie, Summertime, Always On My Mind (the Willie Nelson version), Blue Skies, and let me tell you…the Blue Skies sheet music had a Shattinger’s Music stamp. Shattinger’s is the music store in St. Louis by Soulard. Small World! I also bought an Ella Fitzgerald song book. AND my Bonus...ENJOY YOURSELF by The Jacksons! Don’t plan on using it , but it’s my first piece of sheet music in my collection. It was only $9.95. I miss doing cool stuff. I hope Wednesday’s lesson goes well.

I acquired a new picture of Mike circa 1977 in London rehearsing for some show. I am going to pull on that visual for my book. I have been on book writing hiatus for a minute…hopefully the mod hits me some time soon.

Two cool thing I saw at Guitar Center and must buy. The song books of Quincy Jones and Stevie Wonder. You can get so much bang for your buck with those.

Hey, I like that Brian McKnight Show!

10-15-09

If I had to date a cast member of South Park it would be Kyle or Stan. They’re level headed. Kenny, I have never seen his face. That cloak of mystery doesn’t work for me.

Why do things happen the way that they do…even through indecision. I was conflicted over whether or not to go to Sonic. I give in and go because I have a coupon. I pull up and they are playing You Rock My World…then the DJ announces non-stop Michael Jackson. And then here comes Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough and that is where I am at at 8:23pm on Thursday October 16, 2009. And now…You Are Not Alone. This song reminds me of my tears the first time I heard THIS IS IT. Seriously, why do people go out of their way to hate on others? Practice the old adage…if you have nothing good to say don’t say nothing at all…especially when no one asked you shit. The Caucasoids!

10-16-09

It’s like no matter where I go its just hitting me in the face. I have black eyes, swollen cheeks, and a busted lip. I was at CVS and they had posters on sale for $7.49. It was that gay photo shoot around the time of Victory. His hair was fat, yet stringy. The box the posters were in ad a postered outside and he was juts looking at me. All I saw was his face and 1958-2009.

I saw some dude who looks like Kevin Frazier from Entertainment Tonight.

I totally for got about the blue armband.

10-17-09

OMG, just got the connection between Jackie and Paula Abdul…MAGIC JOHNSON! He said he is cool with Jackie…Lakers…early 80’s, YEP! Umh Humh. So if that is true what J. Randy Taraborelli be saying then ah hah!

You’re born alone. You die alone. Never have those words been truly understood. I just thought my mom was being mean or insensitive when she said that in response to me not wanting to do things alone. Now the sucky past is if you live alone. A very solitary existence to be born, live, and die alone.

I hate when radio station speed up songs. They’ve sped up Billie Jean. That song has a lot of sprinkles. Like sprinkles of sound all over the place. Little accents that make the sound pop without you even noticing it.

I think my fave Alicia Keys song is Unbreakable. It’s clever and could be the black love anthem although Kimora ain’t black.

10-19-09

It’s weird to hear people refer to Shaq as Shaquille O’Neal…or is it two L’s or EI instead of EA?

10-20-09

Gosh, I hate uncertain morning. I’m not liking being in new places. I just want this month to be over with. I feel like I'm in hostile territory. There is no ease to the air here. I just want this day to be over with .I slept really well on the bus this morning. Don’t know why. It was warm…the sun is out. Almost feels foreign to have a bright, sunny day.

I cannot keep seeing silly, weird shit. Why did I just see four men (2 white 2 black). The one older black dude was balding like George Jefferson.. Walking all happy cause they just got out of jail. And how did I know? They all had on disposable blue zip up jump suits. I actually put on my mean mug and clutched my purse a little tighter. I like running errands alone. I can do what I wanna do at a moments whim with total disregard for all others.

You ever wonder why God puts you where he puts you? Like, why am I in LA? Really? What am I supposed to be getting out of this, but depression with a side of mental diffraction.

10-21-09

Why is Michael’s promoting the idea of making a Thriller jacket out of duck tape? That is some of the tackiest shit U have ever seen. And they have a poster up illustrating the finished product. Glad I was Thriller Mike 3 years ago and that my Thriller jacket is REAL!

I’m starting to get tired of people ignorantly calling me Monique.

10-23-09

I’m not a priority in anyone’s life, but mine. Yesterday a Jr. baby Cockroach. It was injured. Right at the curb at Temple and Main. It was trying feverishly to crawl, but was going nowhere. Green excrement protruded from its backside. I felt so sorry for it. I feared it was suffering. Then I understood euthanasia.

The Phrase which now sounds differently

It feels differently. It's existence, it's utterance. The vocalization of the syllables means so much now...THIS IS IT.

The October Chronicles Part III

10-6-09
Baby Phat is now being sold at Walmart. Interesting. The sound of a stripper going down a pole is a funny one.

I'm afraid to love because I'm afraid to lose. That makes for a sad state of existence. I tend to adore from afar, worried that the touch would be too much for me to bear. So like this, in the shadows dreaming and wishing I fare.

Me thinking deeply, but some baby will one day get Mike's social security number, It would be cool to learn who had your SSN before you. I wonder exactly how that rule works. How many years/months have to pass before that number is available?

Does you body ever not feel like your own? Like you are...your essence is your soul and there is some disjointing. Like your soul doesn't fit snugly inside your body. There's a little bit of space between you and the shell and your soul rattles around a little. Makes you feel like you can step outside of yourself. Your body. Makes me kind of dizzy and unsteady on my soul's feet. Almost like it wants to escape. It's a nervous feeling. Like having so much energy and love and things you want to do that you almost want to burst into tears; maybe even a little fit because this body is holding your soul back from its destiny.

10-7-09
Uncouth-when a person haucks up phlegm in the company of others and I don't mean PITEWEY. Hawacccchgh!

10-8-09
Living until you're old and gray. Is it all its cracked up to be? Seems to me like it would be depressing. You're just sitting and watching everyone you love die. Seems like a type of mental torture. It's the Otis from the Temptations kind of life. Everyone in your inner circle dies and it just leaves you trying to recapture/recreate the "what used to be." Being old is often times lonely too. Wee shit, it make no difference because I am young and somewhat Verile and probably as lonely as your run of the mill geriatric person. Maybe those live hard, party all night, die when you're young rockers had it right. It sucks to live long enough to see all of the people you know get sick from one illness or another and perish. It just seems unfair and cruel. Whoever made this world sure has a certain level of complex organic thought.

Stranger in Moscow feels like a heartbeat. Or like it's keeping time. The slow motion flutter of a hummingbird's wings. I am starting to think that life won't get better. It just changes; maintaining just about the same levels of disdain, misfortune, and hazy gray as it always has.

It sucks to be acutely aware of your mortality. Why do organisms have to die? Can't they just regenerate?

10-9-09
Yo, Mike was affiliated with all the little black kid boy groups back in the day. The Boys, ABC, Kriss Kross. My Little boy group baby daddies:
The Boys-Hakeem
ABC-Red
Kriss Kross-The light skinned Chris

Damn it! No wonder Sananda be up in Switzerland. Milan is like a road trip away. I would really like to meet him. I don't know what I'd say outside of thanks.

In everything I do he somehow flows through me. An energy, a hope. No matter how dim the light may be right now.