Eurotrip 2013: Conclusion

3-24-13
Airport security at Schiphol is backwards. They have all of the food before the security checkpoint so I bought water only to have to take it to the head at the check point. I am so irritated that security is right at the gate.
Birds in Europe are way too vocal. Especially them sea gulls. Birds in Amsterdam also work together. I saw pigeons, sea gulls, ducks, and some other kind of bird all co-mingling. Maybe it’s the weather. I’m not getting gel nails again. I’m not impressed AND it hasn’t been a full 2 weeks and I have a couple of chips.

Eurotrip 2013: Last day in Amsterdam

3-23-13
OMG Amsterdam is breaking me down with this cold. Went to the Anne Frank House today. Sad what happened to them. That shit was depressing. Went to the Red Light District. It was not as grand as I thought it would be. It’s pretty much alleys and gang ways with red lights. I felt uncomfy looking at the women through their windows or glass doors. The chicks all looked decent and petite. I saw one guy negotiating the price. I saw another guy leaving as we were passing and the waft of air that came with him smelled like condom friction. The third guy: I saw him come out all red in the face and smiling quite happily. As a woman I didn’t feel right being there. I felt bad for them…even if they don’t feel bad for themselves. I just hope they are all doing it of their own free will.
I am in love with French fries and mayo…WEIRD! Went to the I Amsterdam sign. It is impossible to take a picture of it without other people being in it. A lot of English speakers and people from the US are here. Everyone was been nice. Someone on the tram was playing Dirty Diana. Got my jam on for a sec.
I also saw an old advertisement for some Paradisco place w/ Run DMC on It and the background was made up of Prince’s Controversy and MJ Off the Wall album covers. Still a lot of black people out here and I passed by a salon that did black hair. I said Salon and Afrique on the sign so I took that as meaning blacks folks hair. I saw a beauty supply too. I saw a whole bunch of other stuff I wasn’t interested in. I won’t come back to Amsterdam if it’s not summer time. I think people freedom to smoke marijuana is cool. It’s interesting to see it in effect here and see how people are fighting for the right to do it in America. People play with nasty ass pigeons in Amsterdam ( and Paris too).
Had lunch at a place called La Place. Great concept. It’s a smorgasbord with steak, burgers, salads, desserts, fresh smoothies and juices, pasta, and the list goes on. It’s cafeteria style and let me tell you…it’s chaotic, but GREAT! I never expected to like the food here so much and the people here are so nice and helpful. I can now pronounce Hobbermasteraat! I found 2 Euro on the ground. So glad 1 and 2 euros come in coins. You can really come up on finding change in Europe.



This is my last night in Europe and I am spending it in the hotel. Too damn cold=not motivated to leave unless fries and fancy mayo are involved. Man, I’m gonna miss the frites here. I’m glad the group that came to Amsterdam was so cool. We kept having to check for Steve. He moved slow and always needed to sit down. Flaviano said “Don’t die Steve, run away from the light.” I was rollin!!!! There really isn’t much to do here so we got in everything in one day. A lot of people here wear shiny puffy coats. I hate them. Looks plastic and cheap. I still find it weird to see so many young people smoking cigarettes. Bikes are everywhere. Some bikes look like they have rusted to whatever pole or fence they are affixed to. I’m so tired of seeing McDonald’s, KFC, Burger King, Starbucks, and Subway across Europe. There’s one on every other corner. There’s an Aldi up the street from my hotel in Amsterdam. I would have never thought Aldi was outside of the US.
I am starting to get sick. My throat is feeling sore…just what I need.

Eurotrip 2013: Paris to Amsterdam

Last couple of hours in Paris and I’m kinda bummed. Man, the roommate was taking an epic shower this morning. I was sitting around waiting for her to come out so I could wash my face and brush my teeth. I tried to go downstairs to the public restroom, but it was being cleaned. So had to go back to the room and wait, which delayed me going to breakfast. When I finally did get in there she removed her card from the light access device w/o saying anything and left me in the dark. How Rude!


What I learned on this trip: Australians are fuckin awesome, tap water in Europe tastes better than tap water in Cali, and Africans be checkin for me. Now for the train ride across Europe…


Amsterdam is cold as hell! Man, shiiiiiittt! And the #7 tram was like 40 minutes late. I became a pony. I had some bomb ribs and fries with special mayo at Café De Pijp and my life is forever changed. If only I could get that mayo recipe together. Gotta get me some more fries. My little Amsterdam group is cool. I’m on my last leg though. My left knee is killing me. There are lots of black people in Amsterdam. I am surprised. Our hotel room looks kewl. Dark wood makes lotsa things look fancier. The Heineken museum was fun. I need some socks. A noticeable amount of people whose ancestors are from the land of the rising sun are around here. Amsterdam looks like Jersey City outside of the tourist drag.


Saw a black dude on the corner peeing. His back was turned to traffic, but he was still at a busy intersection. Our hotels are always hood adjacent (except for London). The bartender was jamming MJ in the hotel bar. BAD, IJCSLY, TWYMMF, Blood on the dance floor, Smooth Criminal, YANA, and Earth Song. I am sure he was still in the MJ zone when we left. Gotta get me some more fries.

Eurotrip 2013: Last day in Paris

3-21-13
Took a nap and back at it again. Didn’t eat breakfast…ran out of time. Started off with Musee Rodin. Saw The Thinker…meh. The the rest of my group headed to see Princess Di and Dodi’s memorial. I finally bought stamps and mailed those postcards from London. We then went to the Arc Di Triomphe. It was cool in the day time, but the flag wasn’t hanging in the middle. From there we had lunch as Vesuvius Italian Restaurant on the Champs Elysees. Ran out of time to go to Sacre Coeur. Went into the Virgin megastore and saw Prince and MJ albums. We went to Versailles. It’s massive. I bet those King Louis (insert roman numeral here) stunk. The hall of mirrors is impressive. I bet that palace ran like a soap opera. Louis XVI loved his wife. All the rest were adulterers. Louis XIV seemed difficult with that long ugly wig. Didn’t know he started so young. Crowned at 5 and lived til he was 77. They ran the country, had kids, and got married super young…at like 15 yrs old. The garden is breathtaking. I can only imagine its beauty in the summer. It’s the epitome of grandiose.


Went to dinner at La Mere Catherine. Had French onion soup and duck a l’orange. Bought a bottle of Rose wine and got souvenirs. We walked up the stairs to the Basilica and Sacre Coeur. Talkin bout hurting. I felt it all over. Had to stop and rest 3 times. The view is gorgeous at night. Earlier when I went to the bathroom at Versailles the janitor looked up at me and said “I love you.” I seem to attract lotsa African men and that John C Reilly looking man in London. Im so tired. I think I might look for a massage in Amsterdam. I’m so sad my trip is coming to a close in 2 days.

Eurotrip 2013: Kickin it in Paris

3-20-16
What an amazing day. I started off with the Louvre. Saw the Mona Lisa, Winged Victory and Venus De Milo. Beautiful! I see how people can spend hours on end there. Just in the Denon wing the paintings are so vivid and the depth of field and action are breathtaking. I took photos of the inverted pyramid meeting the chalice. KNEEL BEFORE HER, SHE LIES BENEATH THE ROSE!!!! Gosh, it made me tear up. They have army/special service troops who patrol the streets with semi-automatic rifles. SCARY



Next we visited the bridge of love where couples sign locks and then affix them to the bridge and throw the key into the Seine to signify undying love. I didn’t buy a lock. It’s just me. I’m single. Stop three was Notre Dame. I liked the architecture of this church more than Westminster Abbey. It was darker and colder. Apparently the church is celebrating 850 years. We are lunch at some restaurant right next to Notre Dame. I had a croque monsieur (ham sandwich) and hot wine. THE WINE IS THE SHIT! It’s a red wine with oranges in it. Reminds me of sangria. I will definitely try it again. Next we went to the Pantheon. Really cool piece of architecture in the heart of the universities . There were a lot of young people out and about. We walked to Saint Sulpice next. I stopped and got some macaroons. Delicious! I had one caramel and one praline from Dalloyau. We walked across the Luxembourg Gardens on our way there. It has to be breathtaking in the summer. The green spaces/parks/gardens in Europe are so nice. Saint Sulpice was nice and dark. Reminds me of gothic stuff. I saw some of the line, but not the gold arago line. After that we went back to the meet up point at musee d’orsay. I took a short reprieve at the hotel then went out to see MLK Park. Nothing to write home. It looks like a soggy, cold mess.


Went to Sacre Coeur for dinner. I tried escargot. It’s sort of chewy w/ garlic and butter seasoning. Had pizza with a raw, half cooked egg on top. The waiter was cute. A band set up and started playing Parisian jazz. Got lost on those winding dark cobble stoned streets trying to find the Moulin Rouge/O’Sullivans to meet the group.

As soon as we walked in they were playing American rap! YAY! Some dude who looks like Mr. Bean danced with me. He had rhythm, but every time he brought me near it seemed like he was going to head butt me. I had a ball kicking it with Sara, Kim, Nicole and Taylor. Took a blow job shot. HILARIOUS! I’m getting sleepy and am ready to eat. They played Snoop and Pac songs. I forgot I was in France. It’s funny seeing French white people dance to damn near hardcore Hip Hop. Apparently 1:30am is when the black dudes come to the lounge. O’Sullivans is cool. The DJ has potential, but he keeps playing Jersey Shore-like songs. He played Every Little Thing I Do by Soul 4 Real and Who Do You Love by LL.
Somebody up in here is musty as an ox. Oh shit, they played Pony by Ginuwine and now its 2:15am they are playing Niggas in Paris. I really can’t dignify that song too much. I was looking at the white folks lips and waiting on them to say the N word. Danced with some black dude named Dame (Dim). He was skinny as a bean pole and black black. Beautiful skin! His skin tone reminds me of Acerola from City of Men. We exchanged info. He was very gentle and affectionate. I kissed an African!!! He had soft lips. He is a happy dancer and everything isn’t a bump and grind. We had a major language barrier, but it’ll be fun to get to know someone from another country. He knew all of the lyrics to the English raps sons the DJ played though. If only we could communicate in rap lyrics. LOL.
CabGATE 2013: Nobody knew the address to the hotel, but luckily I had my vouchers with the info on it. I have the info the driver and blonde contiki group chick in the front and it got left in the cab. I was livid! But all is well. The vouchers are not needed to continue the trip. The other two cabs of people got lost because they didn’t have the address.

Eurotrip 2013: From London to Paris

3-19-13
Saw the White Cliffs of Dover. Bought myself a fancy lunch on the ferry boat. The presentation was nice, but everything needed more seasoning. I ordered the salmon appetizer. When I got it, it was raw salmon! I just forced myself to eat some of it. Couldn’t send it back. The English Channel is huge. We docked in Calais. YAY, they drive on the right side of the road in France! We rode through the WWI or WWII battlefields in Northern France. We did a rest stop so I finally stepped foot on French soil. I saw black people at the rest stop. Some boy had cornrows like it was 2001. The 1st thing I bought in France was an Orangina.



The Eiffel Tower was amazing. I was in disbelief. It seemed so impossible to make it here. I teared up twice. Took lotsa pictures. It was windy up there. They also had a bar up there, but who is gonna buy suspensive ass champagne in a plastic flute? We had so much time up there I got bored. I feel so blessed. I am so proud of myself for achieving this.



The train system is confusing. I need a better train map. Evan, Sara and I went walking to find something to eat after we got back to the hotel…the 17th arrondissement is grimy. It feels like some dangerous NYC borough. Saw a tranny hooking it in front of a fresh fruit stand. I named it Stephanie. I was wondering why that lady was standing out in the rain. I figured she was waiting on a ride since she was on her cell. But when we got close we heard the deep voice and were like YIKES! I like her lace front though. Not many women were out. Lotsa men…African and Middle Eastern, hence I was trying to get my womanly ass into the hotel ASAP. Don’t want no oppression and sexism over here!
We are staying in a construction zone. There is building debris leading up to our hotel. It looked like he Soviet Union circa 1992. I am roomed with Tia. She is easy going. The one thing I noticed about Paris…It’s Dirty Outside of the Touristy drag. Traffic here is heavy. The African security guard at the Eiffel Tower asked me to marry him. He was checking my purse then just held on to it. He wasn’t even handsome and he was old enough to be my dad. People ride moped/motor cycles a lot here. Reminds me of Blade Runner.
My attempts to speak French have been horrible. I asked a lady “je parle angalis”…WRONG! Tried to tell the cafeteria lady I was in room “deux cent sept”…WRONG! Just hope to not have to talk to people much. A lot of restaurants sell pizza here.

Eurotrip 2013: London Day 3

3-18-13
What a day, what a day once more. Started off the day with Trafalgar Square then Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. Saw Isaac Newton’s tomb. Saw Charles Darwin, Frederick Handel and Lord Byron’s tombs as well. I have no clue what Lord Byron did, but for some reason I am aware of him. I know I’m forgetting some more dead people. It was gorgeous. OH THE FLYING BUTTRESSES! It was nice seeing where all of the royal stuff happens. Saw one tomb dedicated to the soldiers lost in the war in South Africa. They wouldn’t have been in South Africa if they weren’t there trying to colonialize it. You don’t expect people to fight back?



Saw the ornate tombs of Bloody Mary and Queen Elizabeth. It’s funny that Elizabeth is buried a top Mary and the tomb doesn’t mention or bare the likeness of Mary at all. Mary, Queen of Scots is across the way. I found myself walking as to avoid stepping on the gravestones, Geoffrey Chaucer is buried there too. There is even a place dedicated to FDR. Shakespeare has a tribute tomb although he is not buried there.


Steven paid for me to get into the Tower of London. SCORE! It was cool to see the Crown Jewels. The Beefeaters are so cool and down to earth. I don’t see how people ran around the tower grounds in an emergency. The stairs are narrow and spiral. They were also running around in the dark…cause all they had were candles. If you fell and dropped your candle it’s OVER! Buckingham Palace didn’t have a changing of the guard, but the guards did move. They wore grey uniforms. I wonder how heavy those hats are. Had to traverse the city in the rain again. I didn’t get a chance to go to Harrods and Camden Market. My last stop was the British Museum. The Egyptian Exhibit was amazing. I ran out of time to see the social cloths of the East African Tribes w/the MJ Cloth. London is really cool. Reminds me of DC or NYC.


Had an ordeal trying to go see Mamma Mia. Was on the elevator and realized I left my umbrella. Went back up to get it. When I got to the lobby the group was gone so I went outside. The Contiki bus wasn’t outside so I went back in. I asked the porter and he said they had just left, but took the double decker bus. I was probably looking right past them all on the bus stop because I was looking for the Contiki bus. So the porter instructed me to take any bus towards aldwych and walk towards the royal court of justice. I walked 20 min past the royal court… in the wrong direction. I doubled back and went in the only other direction one could go by the royal court. I found it! I was about 15 minutes late for the show, but the staff was unbelievably courteous. I didn’t have a ticket, nothing but my word and they still seated me. I have never been treated so nicely when running late for an event.

The musical was MEH. I fell asleep twice. Went to some placed called Roadhouse where a band sings rock and roll and top 40 and singers enter a karaoke-like contest. They were all professionals except for one guy. The band was amazing. Had some drinks and danced. Gave the sister bathroom attendant my last 2 pounds and rolled back to the pad with the Philly girls. They are cool. I hate that they smoke though. It is so weird to see young people smoke. I see It as a vice of older generations. Now I’m watching World’s Best /Worst Police Videos. Yes… they syndicate this show in the UK. Makes Americans looks bad.

This Europe House Music shit is irritating. Does it only appeal to nationalities that lack melanin? Everybody else loved it. I’ve come to realize…IM TOO BLACK FOR THIS SHIT!
I don’t like how people of color over here have all of the menial jobs. Middle Eastern men work in food service and black women were the bathroom attendants at both clubs I went to. Kinda sad I couldn’t make any real connections with black people over here. I saw a black hair salon and an Aldi on the outskirts of London. The white men are tall as hell! They sounded like Daphne’s brother Simon (Frasier) and some of them really look different from white people in the US, features-wise. Bye London!

Eurtrip 2012: London Part II

3-17-13
To quote Erykah Badu…what a day, what a day. We went to Stonehenge! On our way there is snowed!!!!! The British countryside is beautiful. I saw some big ass biscuits at the concession stand. Ends up it was a cheddar scone. It was ok. I also saw sheep grazing on the fields/hills near Stonehenge. AWESOME!!!

We then went to Bath. Originally I didn’t want to go, but unfortunately if you got on the bus this morning you had to go to both. I just decided to pay to enter the baths since I was already in town. It was cool. Saw some duckies swimming and bathing in the hot bath.
Tasted some of the clean hot spring water. It tasted coppery and it was warm. Glad I went. The bus ride back to London was long as hell. I Had to pee in that shoebox of a bathroom on the bus. I fell onto the toilet so I had no choice but to sit on it. I hit my head on the door. The water was cold. There was no soap or paper towels.

Had my big dinner at Old Amalfi Italian Restaurant right across from the hotel. Went with Caroleana, Kim and Sara. Had a ball! I ate fettuccini w/ broccoli and Italian sausage, white wine, prosecco, and limoncello. Limoncello is SKRONG! I also had tiramisu for dessert. Delicious!
On our way back across the street saw Jesse, Juan, Vanessa, Kristen, Patricia, and the Philly Girls on their way out so Caroleana and I joined them. Paid 10 pounds to get into Zoo. It was cool for about 1 ½ hours. That Jersey Shore music got on my last damn nerve. I had an amaretto, disarrono and coke=NICE! So glad I asked the middle eastern dude with the pretty smile what he was having. I wanted a St. Patrick’s Day hat…didn’t know where everyone else got theirs from. Found the Reggaeton/Top 40 room too little too late. I had already checked out. Nothing short of Too Short or Luke was gonna bring me back. An Argentinian rugby team came in. They were so adorable and friendly. Reminded me of Bud Bundy with the 1987 hair cuts and clothes. I wish there were more black people. There was a masseuse in the club. MAN, that dude got the magic touch from what I saw. I was like HEY MR. NIGERIAN MAN!! He know he could move his hands with expert sensual prowess. And now I’m back in my room. Gotta make sure I buy some drank for my flask tomorrow.

Eurotrip 2013: LONDON

3-16-13
Day 1 was cool. Met some cool chicks from Philly, Miami, and Houston. I don’t like how the service industry is all people of color. Specifically it’s all Middle Eastern men. Went to Leicester Square in the pouring rain. I was drenched from the knees down….I had a small umbrella. It was jumpin’. UK chicks had on club clothes. Maybe they were going to the club? Maybe they were coming from a West End show? It was so nice seeing black people, but they were all club/pub promoters tryna get us into clubs and pubs for a fee.

Now I’m sitting in my room in my panties eating cheez-its. Kinda bummed I didn’t set a chance to go to Jazz café. I got a room all to myself. YAY! London reminds me of New York. Hopefully the excursion to Stonehenge is super fun. One promoter in Leicester Square was asking us where we're from. Vanessa claimed Columbia, Patricia claimed Mexico, When I said the U.S. he yelled “Michelle Obama!” That was soooo kewl! When he meets a black woman from the U.S. he instantly thinks of Michelle Obama.

We also met a German/Polish drunken dude who loved Latina women. He was entertaining and also a pest to Patricia. Why was there a long ass line at Haagen-Dazs In the rainy, drizzly weather?! I called it Club Haagen-Dazs. The line was so long it stretched outside.

Eurotrip 2013: Goin Places

10 hr and 5 min flight to London. It’s cool being on a big plane with 3 rows of seats like I see on TV. There is no one sitting in the middle seat so me and old dude got extra elbow room. This trip has me nervous. I made extra sure to tell everyone that I loved them before I took off. I hope this “hot” dinner tastes good. I made sure to eat in the terminal in case the plane food tastes like a vito lunch from STL Public Schools circa 1989.